I, I know that sir, I would not haue come else: how doeth my cousin, vncle?

Oh well, well, goe in and see; I doubt hee's scarce stirring yet.

Vncle, afore I goe in, can you tell me, and he haue

e're a booke of the sciences of hawking and hunting? I would

fayne borrow it.

Why I hope you will not a hawking now, will you?

No wusse; but ile practise against next yeare: I haue

bought me a hawke, and bels and all; I lacke nothing but a

booke to keepe it by.

Oh most ridiculous.

Nay looke you now, you are angrie vncle, why you

know, and a man haue not skill in hawking and hunting now

adaies, ile not giue a rush for him; hee is for no gentlemans

company, and (by Gods will) I scorne it I, so I doe, to bee a

consort for euerie hum-drum; hang them scroiles, ther's nothing

in them in the world, what doe you talke on it? a gentleman must shew himselfe like a gentleman, vncle I pray you be not

angrie, I know what I haue to do I trow, I am no nouice.

Welcome good friend, we doe not stand much vpon

our gentilitie; yet I can assure you mine vncle is a

man of a thousand pounde land a yeare; hee hath but one sonne in the

world; I am his next heire, as simple as I stand here, if my co-

sen die: I haue a faire liuing of mine owne too beside.

In good time sir.

In good time sir? you do not flout, do you?

Not I sir.

And you should, here be them can perceiue it, and that

quickly too: Go too, and they can giue it againe soundly, and

need be.

Why sir let this satisfie you. Good faith I had no such

intent.

By God, and I thought you had sir, I would talke

with you.

So you may sir, and at your pleasure.

And so I would sir, and you were out of mine vncles

ground, I can tell you.

Why how now cosen, will this nere be left?

Horson base fellow, by Gods lid, and't were not for

shame, I would.

I pray you, sir, is this Pazzi house?

Yes mary is it, sir.

I should enquire for a gentleman here, one Signior Loren-

zo di Pazzi; doe you know any such, sir, I pray you?

Yes, sir: or else I should forget my selfe.

I crye you mercy, sir, I was requested by a gentleman

of Florence (hauing some occasion to ride this way) to deliuer

you this letter.

To me, sir? What doe you meane? I pray you

remember your curt'sy.

To his deare and most elected friend, Signior Lorenzo di Pazzi.

What might the gentlemans name be, sir, that sent it? Nay,

pray you be couer'd.

Signior Prospero.

Signior Prospero? A young gentleman of the fa-

mily of Strozzi, is he not?

I, sir, the same: Signior Thorello, the rich Florentine

merchant married his sister.

You say very true.

Sir.

Sirha Lorenzo, I muse we cannot see thee at Florence: S'blood,

I doubt, Apollo hath got thee to be his Ingle, that thou commest

not abroad, to visit thine old friends: well, take heede of him; hee

may 'doe some What for his houshold seruants, or so; But for his Re-

tayners, I am sure, I haue knowne some of them, that haue followed

him, three, foure, fiue yeer together, scorning the world with their

bare heeles, & at length bene glad for a shift, (though no cleane shift)

to lye a whole winter, in halfe a sheete, cursing Charles wayne, and

the rest of the starres intolerably. But (quis contra diuos?) well;

Sirha, sweete villayne, come and see me; but spend one minute in my

company, and 'tis inough: I thinke I haue a world of good Iests for

thee: oh sirha, I can shew thee two of the most perfect, rare, & ab

solute true Gulls, that euer thousaw'st, if thou wilt come. S'blood,

inuent some famous memorable lye, or other, to stap thy father in the

mouth Withall: thou bast bene father of a thousand, in thy dayes,

thou could'st be no Poet else: any sciruy roguish excuse will serue;

say thou com sf but to setch wooll for thine Inke-horne. And then too,

thy Father will say thy wits are a wooll gathering. But it's no mat=

ter; the worse, the better. Any thing is good inough for the old man.

Sirha, how if thy Father should see this now? what would he thinke

of me? Well, (howeuer I write to thee) I reuerence him in my soule,

for the generall good all Florence deliuers of him. Lorenzo, I

consure thee (by what, let me see) by the depth of our loue, by all the

strange sights we haue seene in our dayes, (I or nights eyther) to come

to me to Florence this day. Go to, you shall come, and let your

Muses goe spinne for once. If thou wilt not, s'hart, what's your gods

name? Apollo? I; Apollo. If this melancholy rogue (Lorenzo

here) doe not come, graunt, that he doe turne Fooe pressently, and

neuer bere after, be able to make a good left, or a blanke uerse, but

liue in more penurie of wit and Inuention, then eyther the Hall-

Beadle, or Poet Nuntius.

Then Musco take this letter, and deliuer it vnto Lo-

renzo: but sirra, (on your life) take you no knowledge I haue

open'd it.

Yes sir, (on my word) he opend it, & read the contents.

It scarse contents me that he did so. But Musco didst

thou obserue his countenance in the reading of it, whether hee

were angrie or pleasde?

Why sir I saw him not reade it.

No? how knowest thou then that he opend it?

Marry sir because he charg'd mee (on my life) to tell

no body that he opend it, which (vnlesse he had done) he wold

neuer feare to haue it reueald.

Oh Musco, didst thou not see a fellow here in a what-

sha-callum doublet; he brought mine vncle a letter euen now?

Yes sir, what of him?

Where is he, canst thou tell?

Why he is gone.

Gone? which way? when went he? how long since?

Its almost halfe an houre ago since he rid hence.

Horson Scanderbag rogue, oh that I had a horse; by

Gods lidde i'de fetch him backe againe, with heaue and ho.

Why you may haue my masters bay gelding, and

you will.

But I haue no boots, thats the spite on it.

Then its no boot to follow him. Let him go and hang

sir.

I by my troth; Musco, I pray thee help to trusse me a

liltle; nothing angers mee, but I haue waited such a while for

him all vnlac'd and vntrust yonder, and now to see hee is gone

the other way.

Nay I pray you stand still sir.

I will, I will: oh how it vexes me.

Tut, neuer vexe your selfe with the thought of such

a base fellow as he.

Nay to see, he stood vpon poynts with me too.

Like inough so; that was, because he saw you had so

fewe at your hose.

What? Hast thou done? Godamercy, good Musco.

I marle, sir, you weare such ill-fauourd course stoc-

kings, hauing so good a legge as you haue.

Fo, the stockings be good inough for this time of the

yeere; but Ile a haue a payre of silke, e're it be long: I thinke, my

legge would shewe well in a silke hose.

I afore God would it rarely well.

In sadnesse I thinke it would: I haue a reasonable

good legge.

You haue an excellent good legge, sir: I pray you

pardon me, I haue a little haste in, sir.

A thousand thankes, good Musco.

What, I hope he laughs not at me; and he doe——

Here is a style indeed, for a mans sences to leape ouer,

e're they come at it: why, it is able to breake the shinnes of

any old mans patience in the world. My father reade this with

patience? Then will I be made an Eunuch, and learne to sing

Ballads. I doe not deny, but my father may haue as much pa-

tience as any other man; for hee vses to take phisicke, and oft

taking phisicke, makes a man a very patient creature. But,

Signior Prospero, had your swaggering Epistle here, arriued in

my fathers hands, at such an houre of his patience, (I meane,

when hee had tane phisicke) it is to bee doubted, whether I

should haue read sweete villayne here. But, what? My wise

cousin; Nay then, Ile furnish our feast with one Gull more to-

ward a messe; hee writes to mee of two, and here's one, that's

three, Ifayth. Oh for a fourth: now, Fortune, or neuer Fortune.

Oh, now I see who he laught at: hee laught at some

body in that letter. By this good light, and he had laught at

me, I would haue told mine vncle.

Cousin Stephano: good morrow, good cousin,

how fare you?

The better for your asking, I will assure you. I haue

beene all about to seeke you; since I came I saw mine vncle; &

ifaith how haue you done this great while? Good Lord, by my

troth I am glad you are well cousin.

And I am as glad of your comming, I protest to you,

for I am sent for by a priuate gentleman, my most speciall deare

friend, to come to him to Florence this morning, and you shall

go with me cousin, if it please you, not els, I will enioyne you

no further then stands with your owne consent, and the condi-

tion of a friend.

Why cousin you shall command me and't were twise

so farre as Florence to do you good; what doe you thinke I will

not go with you? I protest.

Nay, nay, you shall not protest.

By God, but I will sir, by your leaue ile protest more

to my friend then ile speake of at this time.

You speake very well sir.

Nay not so neither, but I speake to serue my turne.

Your turne? why cousin, a gentleman of so faire sort

as you are, of so true cariage, so speciall good parts; of so deare

and choice estimation; one whose lowest condition beares the

stampe of a great spirit; nay more, a man so grac'd, guilded, or

rather (to vse a more fit Metaphor) tinfoyld by nature, (not that

you haue a leaden constitution, couze, although perhaps a little

inclining to that temper, & so the more apt to melt with pittie,

when you fall into the fire of rage) but for your lustre onely,

which reflects as bright to the world as an old Ale-wiues pew-

ter againe a good time; and will you now (with nice modestie)

hide such reall ornaments as these, and shadow their glorie as

a Millaners wife doth her wrought stomacher, with a smoakie

lawne or a blacke cipresse? Come, come, for shame doe not

wrong the qualitie of your desert in so poore a kind: but let the

Idea of what you are, be portraied in your aspect, that men may

reade in your lookes; Here within this place is to be seene, the most

admirable rare & accomplisht worke of nature; Cousin what think

you of this?

Marry I do thinke o fit, and I will be more melancho-

lie,

and gentlemanlike then I haue beene, I doe ensure you.

Why this is well: now if I can but hold vp this humor

in him, as it is begun, Catso for Florence, match him & she can;

Come cousin.

Ile follow you.

Follow me? you must go before.

Must I? nay then I pray you shew me good cousin.

I thinke this be the house: what howgh?

Who's there? oh Signior Matheo. God giue you good

morrow sir.

What?Cob? how doest thou good Cob? doest thou

inhabite here Cob?

I sir, I and my lineage haue kept a poore house in our

daies.

Thy lineage monsieur Cob? what lineage, what lineage?

Why sir, an ancient lineage, and a princely: mine an

cetrie came from a kings loynes, no worse man; and yet no

man neither, but Herring the king of fish, one of the monarches

of the world I assure you. I doe fetch my pedegree and name

from the first redde herring that was eaten in Adam, & Eues

kitchin: his Cob was my great, great, mighty great grandfather.

Why mightie? why mightie?

Oh its a mightie while agoe sir, and it was a mightie

great Cob.

How knowest thou that?

How know I? why his ghost comes to me euery night.

Oh vnsauorie iest: the ghost of a herring Cob.

I, why not the ghost of a herring Cob, as well as the

ghost of Rashero Baccono, they were both broild on the coales:

you are a scholler, vpsolue me that now.

Oh rude ignorance. Cob canst thou shew me, of a ge-

tleman, one Signior Bobadilla, where his lodging is?

Oh my guest sir, you meane?

Thy guest, alas? ha, ha.

Why do you laugh sir? do you not meane signior Boba-

(dilla?

Cob I pray thee aduise thy selfe well: do not wrong the

gentleman, and thy selfe too. I dare be sworne hee scornes thy

house hee. He lodge in such a base obscure place as thy house?

Tut, I know his disposition so well, he would not lie in thy bed

if thould'st giue it him.

I will not giue it him. Masse I thought (somewhat was

in it) we could not get him to bed all night. Well sir, though he

lie not on my bed, he lies on my bench, and't please you to go

vp sir, you shall find him with two cushions vnder his head, and

his cloake wrapt about him, as though he had neither won nor

lost, and yet I warrant hee ne're cast better in his life then hee

hath done to night.

Why was he drunke?

Drunk sir? you heare not me say so; perhaps he swallow'd

a tauerne token, or some such deuise sir; I haue nothing to doe

withal: I deale with water and not with wine. Giue me my tan

kard there, ho. God be with you sir, its sixe a clocke: I should

haue caried two turnes by this, what ho? my stopple come.

Lie in a waterbearers house, a gentleman of his note?

What Tib, shew this gentleman vp to Signior Boba-

dilla: oh and my house were the Brazen head now, faith it

would eene crie moe fooles yet: you should haue some now,

would take him to be a gentleman at the least; alas God helpe

the simple, his father's an honest man, a good fishmonger, and

so forth: and now doth he creep and wriggle into acquaintance

with all the braue gallants about the towne, such as my guest

is, (oh my guest is a fine man) and they flout him inuinciblie. He

vseth euery day to a Marchats house (where I serue water) one

M. Thorellos; and here's the iest, he is in loue with my masters

sister, and cals her mistres: and there he sits a whole afternoone

sometimes, reading of these same abhominable, vile, (a poxe

on them, I cannot abide them) rascally verses, Poetrie, poetrie,

and speaking of Enterludes, t'will make a man burst to heare

him: and the wenches, they doe so geere and tihe at him; well,

should they do as much to me, Ild forsweare them all, by the

life of Pharoah, there's an oath: how many waterbearers shall

you heare sweare such an oath? oh I haue a guest (he teacheth

me) he doth sweare the best of any man christned: By Phœbus,

By the life of Pharaoh, By the body of me, As I am gentleman,

and a soldier: such daintie oathes; & withall he doth take this

same filthie roaguish Tabacco the finest, and cleanliest; it

wold do a man good to see the fume come forth at his nostrils:

well, he owes me fortie shillings (my wife lent him out of her

purse; by sixpence a time) besides his lodging; I would I had it:

I shall haue it he saith next Action. Helter skelter, hang sorrow,

care will kill a cat, vptailes all, and a poxe on the hangman.

Hostesse, hostesse.

What say you sir?

A cup of your small beere sweet hostesse.

Sir, ther's a gentleman below would speake with you.

A gentleman, (Gods so) I am not within.

My husband told him you were sir.

What hat ha plague? what meant he?

Signior Bobadilla. Matheo within.

Who's there? (take away the bason good hostesse) come vp sir.

He would desire you to come vp sir; you come into

a cleanly house here.

God saue you sir, God saue you.

Signior Matheo, is't you sir? please you sit downe.

I thanke you good Signior, you may see, I am some

what audacious.

Not so Signior, I was requested to supper yesternight

by a sort of gallants where you were wisht for, and drunke to

I assure you.

Vouchsafe me by whom good Signior.

Marrie by Signior, Prospero, and others, why hostesse, a

stoole here for this gentleman.

No haste sir, it is very well.

Bodie of me, it was so late ere we parted last night, I

can scarse open mine eyes yet; I was but new risen as you

came: how passes the day abroad sir? you can tell.

Faith some halfe houre to seuen: now trust me you

haue an exceeding fine lodging here, very neat, and priuate.

I sir, sit downe I pray you: Signior Matheo (in any case)

possesse no gentlemen of your acquaintance with notice of my

lodging.

Who I sir? no.

Not that I neede to care who know it, but in regard I

vwould not be so popular and generall, as some be.

True Signior, I conceiue you.

For do you see sir, by the hart of my selfe (except it be

to some peculiar and choice spirits, to whom I am extraordina-

rily ingag'd, as your selfe, or so) I would not extend thus farre.

O Lord sir I resolue so.

What new booke haue you there? what? Go by Hiero-

nimo.

I, did you euer see it acted? is't not well pend?

Well pend: I would faine see all the Poets of our time

pen such another play as that was; they'I prate and swagger, and

keepe a stirre of arte and deuises, when (by Gods so) they are

the most shallow pittifull fellowes that liue vpon the face of the

earth againe.

Indeede, here are a number of fine speeches in this

booke: Oh eyes, no eyes but fountaines fraught with teares; there's

a conceit: Fountaines fraught with teares. Oh life, no life, but

liuely forme of death: is't not excellent? Oh world, no world, but

masse of publique wrongs; O Gods mee: confusde and fild with

murther and misdeeds.

Is't not simply the best that euer you heard?

Ha, how do you like it?

Tis good.

Nay proceed, proceed, where's this? where's this?

This sir, a toy of mine owne in my nonage: but when

will you come and see my studie? good faith I can shew you

some verie good thinges I haue done oflate: that boote be

comes your legge passing well sir, me thinks.

So, so, it's a fashion gentlemen vse.

Masse sir, and now you speake of the fashion, Signior

Prosperos elder brother and I are fallen out exceedingly: this o-

ther day I hapned to enter into some discourse of a hanger,

which I assure you, both for fashion & workmanship was most

beautifull and gentlemanlike; yet hee condemned it for the

most pide and ridiculous that euer he saw.

Signior Giuliano, was it not? the elder brother?

I sir, he.

Hang him Rooke he? why he has no more iudgement

then a malt horse. By S. George, I hold him the most perem-

ptorie absurd clowne (one a them) in Christendome: I protest

to you (as I am a gentleman and a soldier) I ne're talk't with the

like of him: he ha's not so much as a good word in his bellie,

all iron, iron, a good commoditie for a simith to make ho-

bnailes on.

I, and he thinkes to carrie it away with his manhood

still where he comes: he brags he will giue mee the bastinado,

as I heare.

How, the bastinado? how came he by that word trow?

Nay indeed he said cudgill me; I tearmd it so for the

more grace.

That may bee, for I was sure it was none of his word:

but when, when said he so?

Faith yesterday they say, a young gallant a friend of

mine told me so.

By the life of Pharaoh, and't were my case nowe; I

should send him a challenge presently: the bastinado? come

hither, you shall challenge him; ile shew you a tricke or two,

you shall kill him at pleasure, the first stockado if you will, by

this ayre.

Indeed you haue absolute knowledge in the mistery,

I haue heard sir.

Of whom? of whom I pray?

Faith I haue heard it spoken of diuers, that you haue

verie rare skill sir.

By heauen, no, not I, no skill in the earth: some small

science, know my time, distance, or so, I haue profest it more

for noblemen and gentlemens vse, then mine owne practise I

assure you. Hostesse, lend vs another bedstaffe here quickly:

looke you sir, exalt not your point aboue this state at any hand,

and let your poyneard maintaine your defence thus: giue it

the gentleman. So sir, come on, oh twine your bodie more a-

bout, that you may come to a more sweet comely gentleman-

like guard; so indifferent. Hollow your bodie more sir, thus:

now stand fast on your left leg, note your distance, keep your

due proportion of time: oh you disorder your point most

vilely.

How is the bearing of it now sir?

Oh out of measure ill, a well experienced man would

passe vpon you at pleasure.

How meane you passe vpon me?

Why thus sir? make a thrust at me; come in vpon my

time; controll your point, and make a full carriere at the bodie:

the best practis'd gentlemen of the time terme it the passado,

a most desperate thrust, beleeue it.

Well, come sir.

Why you do not manage your weapons with that fa-

cilitie and grace that you should doe, I haue no spirit to play

with you, your dearth of iudgement makes you seeme tedious.

But one veny sir.

Fie veney, most grosse denomination, as euer I heard:

oh the stockado while you liue Signior, note that. Come put on

your cloake, and weele go to some priuate place where you are

acquainted, some tauerne or so, & weele send for one of these

fencers, where he shall breath you at my direction, and then

ile teach you that tricke, you shall kill him with it at the first if

you please: why ile learne you by the true iudgement of the

eye, hand and foot, to controll any mans point in the world;

Should your aduersary confront you with a pistoll, t'were

nothing, you should (by the same rule) controll the bullet, most

certaine by Phœbus: vnles it were haile-shot: what mony haue

you about you sir?

Faith I haue not past two shillings, or so.

Tis some what with the least, but come, when we haue

done, weele call vp Signior Prospero; perhaps we shal meet with

Coridon his brother there.

Piso, come hither: there lies a note within vpon my

deske; here take my key: it's no matter neither, where's the

boy?

Within sir, in the warehouse.

Let him tell ouer that Spanish gold, and weigh it, and

do you see the deliuerie of those wares to Signior Bentiuole: ile

be there my selfe at the receipt of the money anon.

Brother, did you see that same fellow there?

I, what of him?

He is e'ene the honestest faithfull seruant, that is this

day in Florence; (I speake a proud word now) and one that I

durst trust my life into his hands, I haue so strong opinion of

his loue, if need were.

God send me neuer such need: but you said you had

somewhat to tell me, what is't?

Faith I know not what I should say to him: so God

saue mee, I am eene at my wits end, I haue tolde him inough,

one would thinke, if that would ferue: well, he knowes what to

trust to for me: let him spend, and spend, and domineere till

his hart ake: & he get a peny more of me, Ile giue him this eare.

Nay good Brother haue patience.

S'blood, he mads me, I could eate my very flesh for anger:

I marle you will not tell him of it, how he disquiets your house.

Speake to him? away, by the life of Pharoah you shall

not, you shall not do him that grace: the time of daye to you

Gentleman: is Signior Prospero stirring?

Ha? Scauenger? well goe to, I say little, but, by this

good day (God forgiue me I should sweare) if I put it vp so,

say I am the rankest——that euer pist. S'blood and I swal

lowe this, Ile neere drawe my sworde in the sight of man

againe while I liue; Ile sit in a Barne with Madge-owlee

first, Scauenger? 'Hart and Ile goe neere to fill that huge

timbrell slop of yours with somewhat and I haue good lucke,

your Garagantua breech cannot carry it away so.

Oh do not fret your selfe thus, neuer thinke on't.

These are my brothers consorts these, these are his

Cumrades, his walking mates, hees a gallant, a Caueliero too, right

hangman cut. God let me not liue, 'and I could not finde in my

hart to swinge the whole nest of them, one after another, and

begin with him first, I am grieu'd it should be said he is my bro-

ther, and take these courses, well he shall heare on't, and that

tightly too, and I liue Ifaith.

How now? oh the bell rings to breakefast.

Brother Giuliano, I pray you go in and beare my wife company

: Ile but giue order to my seruants for the dispatche of some bu-

sines and come to you presently.

What Cob? our maides will haue you by the back (Ifaith)

For comming so late this morning.

Perhaps so sir, take heede some body have not them

by the belly for walking so late in the euening.

Sister Hesperida, I pray you fetch downe the Rose wa-

ter aboue in the closet: Sweete hart will you come in to break-

fast.

And she haue ouer-heard me now?

I pray thee (good Musse) we stay for you.

By Christ I would not for a thousand crownes.

VVhat ayle you sweete hart, are you not well, speake

good Musse.

Troth my head akes extreamely on a suddaine.

Oh Iesu!

How now? what?

Good Lord how it burnes?Musse keepe you warme,

good truth it is this new disease, there's a number are trou-

bled withall: for Godssake sweete heart, come in out of the

ayre.

I pray thee good sweet heart come in; the ayre will do

you harme in troth.

S'blood, I cannot chuse but laugh to see my selfe

translated thus, from a poore creature to a creator; for now

must I create an intolerable sort of lies, or else my profession

looses his grace, and yet the lie to a man of my coat, is as omi-

nous as the Fica oh sir, it holds for good policie to haue that

outwardly in vilest estimation, that inwardly is most deare to

vs: So much for my borrowed shape. Well, the trothis, my

maister intends to follow his sonne drie-foot to Florence, this

morning: now I knowing of this conspiracie, and the rather

to insinuate with my young master, (for so must wee that are

blew waiters, or men of seruice doe, or else perhaps wee may

weare motley at the yeares end, and who weares motley you

know:) I haue got me afore in this disguise, determining here

to lie in ambuscado, & intercept him in the midway: if I can

but get his cloake, his putse, his hat, nay any thing so I can stay

his iourney, Rex Regum, I am made for euer ifaith: well, now

must I practise to get the true garbe of one of these Launce-

knights: my arme here, and my: Gods so, young master and his

cousin.

So sir, and how then?

Gods foot, I haue lost my purse, I thinke.

How? lost your purse? where? when had you it?

I cannot tell, stay.

S'lid I am afeard they will know me, would I could get

by them.

What? haue you it?

No, I thinke I was bewitcht, I.

Nay do not weep, a poxe on it, hang it let it go.

Oh it's here; nay and it had beene lost, I had not car'd

but for a iet ring Marina lent me.

A iet ring? oh the poesie, the poesie?

Fine ifaith: Though fancie sleepe, my loue is deepe: mea-

ning that though I did not fancie her, yet shee loued mee

dearely.

Most excellent.

And then I sent her another, and my poesie was; The

deeper the sweeter, Ile be iudg'd by Saint Peter.

How, by S. Peter? I do not conceiue that.

Marrie, S. Peter to make vp the meeter.

Well, you are beholding to that Sainte help't you

at your need; thanke him, thanke him.

I will venture, come what will: Gentlemen, please

you chaunge a few crownes for a verie excellent good blade

here; I am a poore gentleman, a soldier, one that (in the better

state of my fortunes) scornd so meane a refuge, but now its the

humour of necessitie to haue it so: you seeme to be gentlemen

well affected to martiall men, els I should rather die with si

lence, then liue with shame: how e're, vouchsafe to remember

it is my want speakes, not my selfe: this condition agrees not

with my spirit.

Where hast thou seru'd?

May it please you Signior, in all the prouinces of Bo-

hemia, Hungaria, Dalmatia, Poland, where not? I haue beene

a poore seruitor by sea and land, any time this xiiij. yeares, and

follow'd the fortunes of the best Commaunders in Christen-

dome. I was twise shot at the taking of Aleppo, once at the re

liefe of Vienna; I haue beene at America in the galleyesthrise,

where I was most dangerously shot in the head, through both

the thighes, and yet being thus maim'd I am voide of mainte

nance, nothing left me but my scarres, the noted markes of my

resolution.

How will you sell this Rapier friend?

Faith Signior, I referre it to your owne iudgement; you are a gentleman,

giue me what you please.

True, I am a gentleman, I know that; but what though,

I pray you say, what would you aske?

I assure you the blade may become the side of the best

prince in Europe.

I, with a veluet scabberd.

Nay and't be mine it shall haue a veluet scabberd, that

is flat, i' de not weare it as ' tis and you would giue me an angell.

At your pleasure Signior, nay it's a most pure Toledo.

I had rather it were a Spaniard : but tell me, what shal I giue you for it? and it had

a siluer hilt—

Come, come, you shall not buy it; holde there's a

shilling friend, take thy Rapier.

Why but I will buy it now, because you say so: what

shall I go without a rapier?

You may buy one in the citie.

Tut, ile buy this, so I will; tell me your lowest price.

You shall not I say.

By Gods lid, but I will, though I giue more then 'tis worth.

Come away, you are a foole.

Friend, ile haue it for that word: sollow me.

At your seruice Signior.

My master: nay faith haue at you: I am flesht now I

haue sped so well: Gentleman, I beseech you respect the estate

of a poor soldier; I am asham'd of this base course of life (God's

my comfort) but extremitie prouokes me to't, what remedie

I haue not for you now.

By the faith I beare vnto God, gentleman, it is no or-

dinarie custome, but onely to preserue manhood. I protest to

you, a man I haue bin, a man I may be, by your sweet bountie.

I pray thee good friend be satisfied.

Good Signior: by Iesu you may do the part of a kind

gentleman, in lending a poore soldier the price of two cans of

beere, a matter of small value, the King of heauen shall pay

you, and I shall rest thankfull: sweet Signior.

Nay and you be so importunate—

Oh Lord sir, need wil haue his course: I was not made

to this vile vse; well, the edge of the enemie could not haue a-

bated me so much: it's hard when a man hath serued in his

Princes cause and be thus. Signior, let me deriue a small peece

of siluer from you, it shall not be giuen in the course of time, by

this good ground, I was faine to pawne my rapier last night

for a poore supper, I am a Pagan els: sweet Signior.

Faith signior, I would gladly finde someother course

if so

I, you'ld gladly finde it, but you will not seeke it.

Alatle sir, where should a man seeke? in the warres,

there's no assent by desart in these dayes, but: and for seruice

would it were as soone purchast as wisht for (Gods my com-

fort) I know what I would say.

Nothing signior, but wish my fortunes were as

happy as my seruice should be honest.

Well follow me, ile prooue thee, if thy deedes

Will cary a proportion to thy words.

Yes sir straight, ile but garter my hose; oh that my

bellie were hoopt now, for I am readie to burst with laughing.

S'lid, was there euer seene a foxe in yeares to betray himselfe

thus? now shall I be possest of all his determinations, and con-

sequently and my young master well hee is resolu'd to proue

my honestie: faith and I am resolued to proue his patience:

oh I shall abuse him intollerablie: this small peece of seruice

will bring him cleane out of loue with the soldier for euer. It's

no matter, let the world thinke me a bad counterfeit, if I can-

not giue him the slip at an instant: why this is better then to

haue staid his iourney by halfe, well ile follow him; oh how I

long to be imployed.

Yes faith sir, we were at your lodging to seake you too.

Oh I came not there to night.

Your brother deliuered vs as much.

Who Giuliano?

Giuliano? Signior Prospero, I know not in what kinde

you value me, but let me tell you this: as sure as God I do hold

it so much out of mine honor & reputation, if I should but cast

the least regard vpon such a dunghill of flesh; I protest to you

(as I haue a soule to bee saued) I ne're saw any gentlemanlike

part in him: and there were no more men liuing vpon the face

of the earth, I should not fancie him by Phœbus.

Troth nor I, he is of a rusticall cut, I know not how:

he doth not carrie himselfe like a gentleman.

Oh Signior Matheo, that's a grace peculiar but to a

few; quosaquus amauit Iupiter.

I vnderstand you sir.

No question you do sir: Lorenzo; now on my soule

welcome; how doest thou sweet raskall? my Genius? S'blood I

shal loue Apollo, & the mad Thespian girles the better while I

kue for this; my deare villaine, now I see there's some spirit in

thee: Sirra these be they two I writ to thee of, nay what a drow-

sie humor is this now ? why doest thou not speake?

Oh you are a fine gallant, you sent me a rare letter.

Why was't not rare?

Yes ile be sworne I was ne're guiltie of reading the

like, match it in all Plinies familiar Epistles, and ile haue my

iudgement burnd in the eare for a rogue, make much of thy

vaine, for it is inimitable. But I marle what Camell it was, that

had the cariage of it? for doubtlesse he was no ordinarie beast

that brought it.

Why?

Why sayest thou? why doest thou thinke that any

reasonable creature, especially in the morning, (the sober time

of the day too) would haue taine my father for me?

S'blood you iest I hope?

Indeed the best vse we can turne it too, is to make a

iest on't now: but ile assure you, my father had the prouing of

your copy, some howre before I saw it.

What a dull slaue was this? But sirrah what sayd he

to it yfaith?

Nay I know not what he said. But I haue a shrewd

gesse what he thought.

What? what?

Mary that thou art a damn'd dissolute villaine

, And I some graine or two better, in keeping thee company.

Tut that thought is like the Moone in the last quar-

ter, twill change shortly: but sirrha, I pray thee be acquainted

with my two Zanies heere, thou wilt take exceeding pleasure

in them if thou hearst them once, but what strange peece of

silence is this? the signe of the dumbe man?

Oh sir a kinsman of mine, one that may make our

Musique the fuller and he please, he hath his humor sir.

Oh what ist? what ist?

Nay: ile neyther do thy iudgement, nor his folly that

wrong, as to prepare thy apprehension: ile leaue him to the

mercy of the time, if you can take him: so.

Well signior Bobadilla: signior Matheo: I pray you know

this Gentleman here, he is a friend of mine, & one that will wel

deserue your affection, I know not your name signior, but I

shalbe glad of any good occasion, to be more familiar with you.

My name is signior Stephano , sir, I am this Gentlemans

cousin, sir his father is mine vnckle; sir, I am somewhatmelan-

cholie, but you shall commaund me sir, in whatsoeuer is inci-

dent to a Gentleman.

Signior, I must tell you this, I am no generall man,

embrace it as a most high fauour, for (by the host of Egypt) but

that I conceiue you, to be a Gentleman of some parts, I loue

few words: you haue wit: imagine.

I truely sir, I am mightily giuen to melancholy.

Oh Lord sir, it's your only best humor sir, your true

melancholy, breedes your perfect fine wit sir: I am melancho-

lie my selfe diuers times sir, and then do I no more but take

your pen and paper presently, and write you your halfe score

or your dozen of sonnets at a sitting.

Masse then he vtters them by the grosse.

Truely sir and I loue such things out of measure.

I faith, as well as in measure.

Why I pray you signior, make vse of my studie, it's at

your seruice.

I thanke you sir, I shalbe bolde I warrant you, haue

you a close stoole there?

Faith sir, I haue some papers there, toyes of mine owne

doing at idle houres, that you'le say there's some sparkes of wit

in them, when you shall see them.

Would they were kindled once, and a good fire

made, I might see selfe loue burnd for her heresie.

Cousin, is it well [unclear] am I melancholie inough?

Oh I, excellent.

Signior Bobadilla ? why muse you so?

He is melancholy too.

Faith sir, I was thinking of a most honorable piece of ser-

uice was perform'd to morow; being S Marks day: shalbe some

In what place was that seruice, I pray you sir?

(tē years.

Why at the beleagring of Glubellet, where, in lesse then

two houres, seuen hundred resolute gentlemen, as any were in

Europe, lost their liues vpon the breach: ile tell you gentlemen.

it was the first, but the best leaugre that euer I beheld with these

eyes, except the taking in of Tortola yeer by the Genowayes,

but that (of all other) was the most fatall & dangerous exploit,

that euer I was rang'd in, since I first bore armes before the face

of the enemy, as I am a gentleman and a souldier.

So, I had as liefe as an angell I could sweare as well as

that gentleman.

Then you were a seruitor at both it seemes.

Oh Lord sir: by Phaeton I was the first man that entred

the breach, and had I not effected it with resolution, I had bene

slaine if I had had a million of liues.

Indeed sir?

Nay & you heard him discourse you would say so: how

(like you him?

I assure you (vpon my saluation) 'tis true, and your

selfe shall consesse.

You must bring him to the racke first.

Obserue me iudicially sweet signior: they had planted

me a demy culuering, iust in the mouth of the breach; now sir

(as we were to ascend) their master gunner (a man of no meane

skill and courage, you must thinke) confronts me with his Lin-

stock ready to giue fire; I spying his intendement, discharg'd

my Petrinell in his bosome, and with this instrument my poore

Rapier, ran violently vpon the Moores that guarded the ordi-

nance, and put them pell-mell to the sword.

To the sword? to the Rapier signior.

Oh it was a good figure obseru'd sir: but did you all

this signior without hurting your blade.

Without any impeach on the earth: you shall per

ceiue sir, it is the most fortunate weapon, that euer rid on a

poore gentlemans thigh: shall I tell you sir, you talke of More

glay, Excaliber, Durindana, or so: tut, I lend no credit to that is

reported of them, I know the vertue of mine owne, and there

fore I dare the boldlier maintaine it.

I marle whether it be a Toledo or no?

A most perfect Toledo , I assure you signior.

I haue a countriman of his here.

Pray you let's see sir: yes faith it is.

This a Toledo pisha

Why do you pish signior?

A Fleming by Phaebus, ile buy them for a guilder a peece

and ile haue a thousand of them.

How say you cousin, I told you thus much.

VVhere bought you it siguior?

Of a scuruy rogue Souldier, a pox of God on him, he

swore it was a Toledo.

A prouant Rapier, no better.

Masse I thinke it be indeed.

Tut now it's too late to looke on it, put it vp, put it vp

VVell I will not put it vp, but by Gods foote, and ere

I meete him——

Oh it is past remedie now sir, you must haue patience.

Horson conny-catching Raskall; oh I could cate the

very hilts for anger.

A signe you haue a good Ostrich stomack Cousin.

A stomack? would I had him here, you should see and

I had a stomacke.

It's better as 'tis: come gentlemen shall we goe?

A miracle cousin, looke here, looke here.

Oh, Gods lid, by your leaue, do you know me sir.

I sir, I know you by sight.

You sold me a Rapier, did you not?

Yes marry did I sir.

You said it was a Telodo ha?

True I did so.

But it is none.

No sir, I confesse it, it is none.

Gentlemen beare witnesse, he has confest it. By Gods

lid, and you had not confest it——

Oh cousin, forbeare, forbeare.

Nay I haue done cousin.

Why you haue done like a Gentleman, he ha's confest

it, what would you more?

Sirra how doost thou like him.

Oh its a pretious good foole, make much on him: I

can compare him to nothing more happely, then a Barbers vir-

ginals; for euery one may play vpon him.

Gentleman, shall I intreat a word with you?

With all my heart sir, you haue not another Toledo

to sell, haue yee?

You are pleasant, your name is signior Lorenzo as I take it.

You are in the right: S'bloud he meanes to catechize

me I thinke.

No sir, I leaue that to the Curate, I am none of that

(coate.

And yet of as bare a coate; well, say sir.

Faith signior, I am but seruant to God Marsextra-

ordinarie, and indeed (this brasse varnish being washt off, and

three or foure other tricks sublated) I appeare yours in reuer-

sion, after the decease of your good father, Musco.

Musco, s'bloud what winde hath blowne thee hither

in this shape.

Your Easterly winde sir, the same that blew your fa-

ther hither.

My father?

Nay neuer start, it's true, he is come to towne of pur-

pose to seeke you.

Sirra Prospero: what shall we do sirra, my father is

come to the city.

Thy father: where is he?

At a Gentlemans house yonder by Saint Anthonies,

where he but stayes my returne; and then—

Who's this? Musco?

The same sir.

Why how comst thou trans-muted thus?

Faith a deuise, a deuise, nay for the loue of God, stand

not here Gentlemen, house your selues and ile tell you all.

But art thou sure he will stay thy returne?

Do I liue sir? what a question is that?

Well wee'le prorogue his expectation a little: Musco

thou shalt go with vs: Come on Gentlemen: nay I pray thee

(good raskall) droope not, s'hart and our wits be so gowty, that

one old plodding braine can out-strip vs all, Lord I beseech

thee, may they lie and starue in some miserable spittle, where

they may neuer see the face of any true spirit againe, but bee

perpetually haunted with some church-yard Hobgoblin in seculo

(seculorum .

Amen, Amen.

Sir, if a seruants zeale and humble duetie may bee

term'd loue, you are possest of it.

I haue a matter to impart to thee, but thou must be se-

(cret, Piso .

Nay, I do not think thou wouldst, but if thou shouldst:

Fasting dayes: what tell you me of your fasting dayes?

would they were all on a light fire for mee: they say the world

shall be consum'd with fire and brimstone in the latter day: but

I would we had these ember weekes, and these villancos fri-

daies burnt in the meane time, and then—

Why how now Cob, what moues thee to' this coller?

ha?

Coller sir?? swounds I scorne your coller, I sir am no

colliers horse sir, neuer ride me with your coller, and you doe,

ile shew you a iades tricke.

Oh you'le slip your head out of the coller: why Cob you

mistake me.

Nay I haue my rewme, and I be angrie as well as ano-

ther, sir.

Thy rewme; thy humor man, thou mistakest.

Humor? macke, I thinke it bee so indeed: what is this

humor? it's some rare thing I warrant.

Marrie ile tell thee what it is (as tis generally receiued in

these daies) it is a monster bred in a man by selfe loue, and

affectation, and fed by folly.

How? must it be fed?

Oh I, humor is snothing if it be not fed, why, didst thou

neuer heare of that? it's a common phrase, Feed my humor .

Ile none on it: humor, auaunt, I know you not, be gon.

Let who will make hungry meales for you, it shall not bee I:

Feed you quoth be\: s'blood I haue much adoe to feed my self,

especially on these leane rascall ll daies too, and't had beene any

other day but a fasting day to plague on them all for mee: by

this light one might haue done God good seruice and haue

drown'd them al in the floud two or three hundred thousand

yeares ago, oh I do stomacke them hugely: I haue a mawe now,

and't were for sir Beisses horse.

Nay, but I pray thee Cob, what makes thee so out of

loue with fasting daies?

Marrie that, that will make any man out of loue with

them, I thinke: their bad conditions and you wil needs know:

First, they are of a Flemmish breed I am sure on't, for they rauē

vp more butter then all the daies of the weeke beside: next,

they stinke of fish miserably: Thirdly, they'le keep a man de-

uoutly hungry all day, & at night send him supperlesse to bed.

Indeed these are faults Cob.

Nay and this were all, 'twere something; but they are

the onely knowne enemies to my generation. A fasting day

no sooner comes, but my lineage goes to racke, poore Cobbes

they smoake for it, they melt in passion, and your maides too

know this, and yet would haue me turne Hannibal, and eat my

owne fish & blood: ^* my princely couze, feare nothing; I haue

not the heart to deuoure you, and I might bee made as rich as

Golias: oh that I had roome for my teares, I could weep salt

water enough now to preserue the liues of ten thousand of my

kin: but I may curse none but these filthy Almanacks, for and't

were not for them, these daies of persecution would ne're bee

knowne. Ile be hang'd and some Fishmongers sonne doe not

make on'them, and puts in more fasting daies then hee should

doe, because he would vtter his fathers dried stockfish.

S'oule peace, thou'lt be beaten

like a stockfish else: here is Signior Ma-

theo. Now must I looke out for a mes-

senger to my Master.

Beshrew me, but it was an absolute good iest, and ex-

ceedingly well caried.

I and our ignorance maintained it as well, did it not?

Yes faith, but was't possible thou should'st not know him?

Fore God not I, and I might haue beene ioind patten

with one of the nine worthies for knowing him. S'blood man,

he had so writhen himselfe into the habit of one of your poore

Disparniew's here, your decaied, ruinous, worme-eaten gentle-

men of the round: such as haue vowed to sit on the skirts of the

city, let your Prouost & his half dozen of halberders do what

they can; and haue translated begging out of the olde hackney

pace, to a fine easy amble, and made it runne as smooth of the

toung, as a shoue-groat shilling, into the likenes of one of these

leane Pirgo's, had hee moulded himselfe so perfectly, obser-

uing euerie tricke of their action, as varying the accent: swea-

ring with an Emphasis. Indeed all with so speciall and exquisite

a grace, that (hadst thou seene him) thou wouldst haue sworne

he might haue beene the Tamberlaine, or the Agamemnon

on the rout.

Why Musco: who would haue thought thou hadst

beene such a gallant?

I cannot tell, but (vnles a man had iuggled begging

all his life time, and beene a weauer of phrases from his infan-

cie, for the apparrelling of it) I thinke the world cannot pro-

duce his Riuall.

Where got'st thou this coat I marl'e.

Faith sir, I had it of one of the deuils neere kinsmen,

a Broker.

That cannot be, if the prouerbe hold, a crafftie knaue

needs no broker.

True sir, but I need a broker, Ergo no crafty knaue.

Well put off, well put off.

And yet where I haue one, the broker ha's ten sir.

Francisco: Martino: ne're a one to bee found now,

what a spite's this?

How now Piso? is my brother within?

No sir, my master went forth e'ene now: but Signior

Giuliano is within. Cob, what Cob: is he gone too?

Whither went thy master? Piso canst thou tell?

I know not, to Doctor Clements, I thinke sir. Cob.

Doctor Clement, what's he? I haue heard much speech

of him.

Why, doest thou not know him? he is the Gonsalionere

of the state here, an excellent rare ciuilian, and a great scholler,

but the onely mad merry olde fellow in Europe: I shewed him

you the other day.

Oh I remember him now; Good faith, and he hath a

very strange presence me thinkes, it shewes as if he stoode out

of the ranke from other men. I haue heard many of his iests in

Padua: they say he will commit a man for taking the wall of

his horse.

I or wearing his cloake of one shoulder, or any thing

indeede, if it come in the way of his humor.

Gasper, Martino , Cob: S'hart, where should they be trow?

Signior Thorello's man, I pray thee vouchsafe vs the ligh-

ting of this match.

A pox on your match, no time but now to vouchsafe?

Francisco, Cob.

Body of me: here's the remainder of seuen pound, since

yesterday was seuen night. It's your right Trinidado: did you

neuer take any, signior?

No truly sir? but i'le learne to take it now, since you

commend it so.

Signior beleeue me, (vpon my relation) for what I tel

you, the world shall not improue. I haue been in the Indies

(where this herbe growes) where neither my selfe, nor a dozen

Gentlemen more(of my knowledge) haue receiued the taste of

any other nutriment, in the world, for the space of one and

twentie weekes, but Tabacco onely. Therefore it cannot be but

'tis most diuine. Further, take it in the nature, in the true kinde

so, it makes an Antidote, that (had you taken the most deadly

poysonous simple in all Florence, it should expell it, and clarifie

you, with as much ease, as I speak. And for your greene wound,

your Balsamum, and your— are all meere gulleries, and trash

[unclear]o it, especially your Truinado: your Newcorian is good too: I

could say what I know of the vertue of it, for the exposing of

rewmes, raw humors, crudities, obstructions, with a thousand

of this kind; but I professe my selfe no quacke-saluer: only thus

much: by Hercules I doe holde it, and will affirme it (before

any Prince in Europe) to be the most soueraigne, and pretious

herbe, that euer the earth tendred to the vse of man.

Oh this speech would haue done rare in a potheca-

ties mouth.

I: close by Saint Anthonies: Doctor Clements.

Oh, Oh.

Where's the match I gaue thee?

S'blood would his match, and he, and pipe, and all were

at Sancto Domingo.

By godsdeynes:I marle what pleasure or felicitie they

haue in taking this rogish Tabacco: it's good for nothing but

to choake a man, and fill him full of smoake, and imbers: there

were foure died out of one house last weeke with taking of

it, and two more the bell went for yester-night, one of them

(they say) will ne're scape it, he voyded a bushell of soote ye-

ster-day, vpward and downeward. By the stockes; and there

were no wiser men then I, I'ld haue it present death, man or

woman, that should but deale with a Tabacco pipe; why, it will

stifle them all in the'nd as many as vse it; it's little better then

rats bane.

Oh good signior; hold, hold.

You base cullion, you.

Sir, here's your match; come, thou must needes be tal-

king too.

Nay he wil not meddle with his match I warrant you:

well it shall be a deere beating, and I liue.

Doe you prate?

Nay good signior, will you regard the humor of a

foole? away knaue.

Piso get him away.

A horson filthy slaue, a turd, an excrement. Body of

Cesar, but that I scorne to let forth so meane a spirit, i'ld haue

sab'd him to the earth.

Mary God forbid sir.

By this faire heauen I would haue done it.

Oh he sweares admirably: (by this faire heauen:)

Body of Cesar: I shall neuer doe it, sure (vpon my saluation)

no I haue not the right grace.

Signior will you any? By this ayre the most diuine

Tabacco as euer I drunke.

I thanke you sir.

Oh this Gentleman doth it rarely too, but nothing

like the other. By this ayre, as I am a Gentleman: by Phoebus .

Master glaunce, glaunce: Signior Prospero.

As I haue a soule to be saued, I doe protest;

That you are a foole.

Cousin will you any Tabacco?

I sir: vpon my saluation.

How now cousin?

I protest, as I am a Gentleman, but no souldier

indeede.

No signior, as I remember you seru'd on a great

horse, last generall muster.

I sir that's true: cousin may I sweare as I am a souldier,

by that?

Oh yes, that you may.

Then as I am a Gentleman, and a souldier, it is diuine

Tabacco.

But soft, where's signior Matheo ? gone?

No sir, they went in here.

Oh let's follow them: signior Matheo is gone to salute

his mistresse, sirra now thou shalt heare some of his verses, for

he neuer comes hither without some shreds of poetrie: Come

signior Stephano, Musco.

Musco? where? is this Musco?

I, but peace cousin, no words of it at any hand.

Not I by this faire heauen, as I haue a soule to be saued,

by Phœbus.

Oh rare! your cousins discourse is simply suted, all in

oathes.

I, he lacks nothing but a little light stuffe, to draw

them out withall, and he were rarely sitted to the time.

Ha, how many are there, sayest thou?

Marry sir, your brother, Signior Prosp[unclear]ro.

Tut, beside him: what strangers are there man?

Strangers? let me see, one, two; masse I know not well

there's so many.

How? so many?

I, there's some fiue or sixe of them at the most.

A swarme, a swarme,

By my troth sir, will you haue the truth of it?

God's my iudge, I saw no body to be kist, vnlesse they

would haue kist the post, in the middle of the warehouse; for

there I left them all, at their Tabacco with a poxe.

How? were they not gone in then e're thou cam'st?

Oh no sir.

Spite of the Deuill, what do I stay here then

? Cob, follow me.

Nay, soft and faire, I haue egges on the spit; I cannot

go yet sir: now am I for some diuers reasons hammering, ham-

mering reuenge: oh for three or foure gallons of vineger, to

sharpen my wits: Reuenge, vineger reuenge, russet reuenge;

nay, and hee had not lyne in my house, t'would neuer haue

greeu'd me; but being my guest, one that ile bee sworne, my

wise ha's lent him her smocke off her backe, while his owne

shirt ha beene at washing: pawnd her neckerchers for. cleane

bands for him: sold almost all my plattors to buy him Tabac-

co; and yet to see an ingratitude wretch: strike his host; wall I

hope to raise vp an host of furies for't: here comes M. Doctor.

What's Signior Thorello gone?

I sir.

Hart of me, what made him leaue vs so abruptly

How now sirra; what make you here? what wold you haue, ha?

And't please your worship, I am a poore neighbour of

your worships.

A neighbour of mine, knaue?

I sir, at the signe of the water-tankerd, hard by the

greene lattice: I haue paide scot and lotte there any time this

eighteene yeares.

What, at the greene lattice?

No sir: to the parish: mary I haue seldome scap't scot-

free at the lattice.

So: but what busines hath my neighbour?

And't like your worship, I am come to craue the

peace of your worship.

Of me, knaue? peace of me, knaue? did I e're hurt

thee? did I euer threaten thee? or wrong thee? ha?

No god's my comfort, I meane your worships warrant,

for one that hath wrong'd me sir: his armes are at too much li-

bertie, I would faine haue them bound to a treatie of peace, and

I could by any meanes compasse it.

Why, doest thou goe in danger of thy life for him?

No sir; but I goe in danger of my death euery houre

by his meanes; and I die within a twelue-moneth and a day,

I may sweare, by the lawes of the land, that he kil'd me.

How? how knaue? sweare he kil'd thee? what pre-

text? what colour hast thou for that?

Mary sir: both blacke and blew, colour ynough, I

warrant you I haue it here to shew your worship.

What is he, that gaue you this sirra?

A Gentleman in the citie sir.

A Gentle man? what call you him?

Signior Bobadilla.

Good: But wherefore did he beate you sirra? how

began the quarrel twixt you? ha: speake truly knaue, I aduise

you.

Marry sir, because I spake against their vagrant Ta-

bacco, as I came by thom: for nothing else.

Ha, you speake against Tabacco? Peto, his name.

What's your name sirra?

Oliuer Cob, sir set Oliuer C[unclear]b, sir.

Tell Oliuer Cob he shall goe to the iayle.

Oliuer Cob, master Doctor sayes you shall go to the iayle.

Oh I beseech your worship for gods loue, deare ma-

ster Doctor.

Nay gods pretious: and such drunken knaues as

you are come to dispute of Tabacco once; I haue done: away

with him.

Oh good master Doctor, sweete Gentleman.

Sweete Oliuer, would I could doe thee any good;

master Doctor let me intreat sir.

What? a tankard-bearer, a thread-bare rascall, a

begger, a slaue that neuer drunke out of better thẽ pispot met-

tle in his life, and he to depraue, and abuse the vertue of an

herbe, so generally receyu'd in the courts of princes, the cham-

bers of nobles, the bowers of sweete Ladies, the cabbins of

souldiers: Peto away with him, by gods passion, I say, goe too.

Deare master Doctor.

Alasse poore Oliuer.

Peto: I: and make him a warrant, he shall not goe, I

but feare the knaue.

O diuine Doctor, thankes noble Doctor, most dainty

Doctor, delicious Doctor.

Nay but good Signior: heare me a word, heare me

a word, your cares are nothing; they are like my cap, soone put

on, and as soone put off. What? your sonne is old inough, to

gouerne himselfe; let him runne his course, it's the onely way

to make him a stay'd man: if he were an vnthrift, a russian, a

drunkard or a licentious liuer, then you had

reason: you had reason to take care: but being none of these, Gods passion,

and I had twise so many cares, as you haue, I'ld drowne them

all in a cup of sacke: come, come, I muse your parcell of a soul-

ldier returnes not all this while.

Well sister, I tell you true: and you'le finde it so in

the ende.

Alasse brother, what would you have me to doe? I

cannot helpe it; you see, my brother Prospero he brings them

in here, they are his friends.

His friends? his friends? s'blood they do nothing but

haunt him vp and downe like a sorte of vnlucky Sprites, and

tempt him to all maner of villany, that can be thought of; well,

by this light, a little thing would make me play the deuill with

some of them; and't were not more for your husbands sake,

then any thing else, I'ld make the house too hot for them; they

should say and sweare, Hell were broken loose, e're they went:

But by gods bread, 'tis no bodies fault but yours: for and you

had done as you might haue done, they should haue beene

damn'd e're they should haue come in, e're a one of them.

God's my life; did you euer heare the like? what a

strange man is this? could I

keepe out all them thinke you? I should put my selfe against halfe a dozen men? should I?

Good faith you'ld mad the patient'st body in the world, to

heare you talke so, without any sense or reason.

Seruant (in troth) you are too prodigall of your wits

treasure; thus to powre it foorth vpon so meane a subiect, as

my worth?

You say well, you say well.

Hoyday, heare is stuffe.

Oh now stand close: pray God she can get him to reade

it.

Tut, feare not: I warrant thee, he will do it of him-

selfe with much impudencie.

Seruant, what is that same I pray you?

Mary an Elegie , an Elegie , an oddetoy.

I to mocke an Ape with all, Oh Iesu.

Sister, I pray you lots heare it.

Mistresse Ile reade it if you please.

I pray you doe seruant .

Oh heares no foppery, Sblood it freates me to the

galle to thinke on it.

Oh I, it is his condition, peace:we are fately ridde

of him.

Fayth Idid it in an humor: I know not how it is but

please you come neare signior: this gentleman hath iudge-

ment, he knowes how to censure of a.—I pray you sir, you

can iudge.

Not I sir:as I have a soule to be saued, as I am a gentlemen

Nay its well; so long as he doth not forsweare

himselfe.

Signior you abuse the excellencie of your mistresse,

and her fayre sister, Fye while you liue auoyd this prolixity.

I shall sir : well, Inciprerodulce.

How, Inciperodulce? la sweete thing to be a Foole

indeede.

What, do you take Incipers in that sence?

You do not you? Sblood this was your villanie to

gull him with a motto.

Oh the Benchers phrase:Pauca a verba, Pauca .

Oh I: peace, we shall haue more of this.

How like you that signior, sbood he shakes his head like a

bottle, to feele and there be any brayne in it.

Well ile haue him free of the brokers, for he vtters no

thing but stolne remnants.

Nay good Critique forbeare.

A pox on him, hang him silching rogue, steale from

the deade? its worse then sacriledge.

Sister vvhat haue you heare? verses? I pray you lets see.

Do you let them go so lightly sister.

Yes fayth when they come lightly.

I but if your seruant should heare you, he vvould take

it heauely.

No matter he is able to beare.

So are Asses.

so is hee.

Signior Matheo, vvho made these verses? they are ex-

cellent good.

Oh God sir, its your pleasure to say so sir.

Fayth I made them extempore this morning.

How extempore?

I vvould I might be damnd els: aske signior Bobadilla.

He sawe me vvrite them, at the: (poxe on it) the Miter

yonder.

Well, and the Pope knew hee curst the Miter it vvere

enough to haue him excommunicated all the Tauerns in the

towne.

Cosen how do you like this gentlemans verses.

Oh admirable, the best that euer I heard.

By this fayre heauens, they are admirable,

The best that euer I heard.

I am vext I can hold neuer a bone of me still,

Sblood I think they meane to build a Tabernacle heare, vvell?

Sister you haue a simple seruant heare, that crovvnes

your bewtie with such Encomions and Deuises, you may see

what it is to be the mistresse of a vvit, that can make your

perfections so transeparent, that euery bleare eye may looke

thorough them, and see him drowned ouer head and eares, in

the deepe vvell of desire. Sister Biancha I meruaile you get

you not a seruant that can rime and do trickes too.

Oh monster? impudence itselfe; trickes?

Trickes, brother? vvhat trickes?

Nay, speake I pray you, vvhat trickes?

I, neuer spare any body heare: but say, vvhat trickes?

Passion of my heart? do trickes?

Sblood heares a tricke vied, and reuied: why you

monkies you? what a catter waling do you keepe? has he not

giuen you rymes, and verses, and trickes.

Oh see the Diuell?

Nay, you lampe of virginitie, that take it in snuffe so:

come and cherish this tame poetical fury in your seruant, youle

be begd else shortly for a concealement: go to, rewarde his

muse, you cannot giue himlesse then a shilling in conscience,

for the booke he had it out of cost him a telton at the least,

how now gallants, Lorenzo, signior Bobadilla? vvhat all sonnes

of siclence? no spirite.

Come you might practise your Ruffian trickes some-

where else, and not heare I wisse: this is no Tauerne, nor no

place for such exploites.

Shart how now.

Nay boy, neuer looke askaunce at me for the matter;

ile tell you of it by Gods bread? I, and you and your compa-

nions mend your selues when I haue done.

My companions.

I your companions fir, so I say? Sblood I am not af-

frayed of you nor them neyther, you must haue your Poets, &

your caueleeres, & your sfoles follow you vp and downe the

citie, and heare they must come to domineere and swagger?

sirha, you Ballad singer, and Slops your fellow there, get you

out; get you out: or (by the will of God) Ile cut of your eares,

goe to.

Sblood stay, lets see what he dare do: cut of his eares

you are an asse, touch any man heare, and by the Lord ile run

my rapier to the hilts in thee.

Yea, that would I fayne see, boy.

Oh Iesu Piso, Matheo murder.

Helpe, helpe, Piso.

Gentlemen, Prospero, for-

beare I pray you.

Well sirrah, you Hollofernus: by my hand I will pinck

thy flesh full of holes with my rapier for this. I will by this

good heauen: inay let him come, let him come, gentlemen by

the body of S. George ile not kill him.

Hold, hold forbeare:

You whorson bragging coys-

tryll.

Why, how now? whats the matter? what stirre is heare,

Whence springs this quarrell, Pizo where is he?

Heare sir.

Come, lets goe: this is one of my brothers auncienr

humors this?

I am glad no body was hurt by this auncient humor.

Why how now brother, who enforst this braule.

A sorte of lewd rakehelles, that care neither for God nor

the Diuell, And they must come heare to read Ballads and Ro-

gery' and Trash, Ile marre the knot of them ere I sleepe perhaps:

especially signior Pithagorus, he thats al manner of shapes: and

Songs and sonnets, his fellow there.

Indeede he seemd to be a gentleman of as exceeding

fayre disposition, and of very excellent good partes.

What Tib, Tib, I say.

How now, what cuckold is that knockes so hard?

Oh husband ist you, whats the newes?

Nay you haue stonnd me I fayth? you hue giuen me a

knocke on the forehead, will sticke by me: cuckold? Swoundes

cuckolde?

Away you soole did I know it vvas you that knockt,

Come, come, you may calt me as bad when you list.

May I? swoundes Tib you are a whore:

S'hart you lie in your throte.

How the lye? and in my throte too? do you long to be

stabd, ha?

Why you are no souldier?

Masse thats true, vvhen vvas Bobadilla heare? that

Rogue, that Slaes, that fencing Burgullian? ile tickle him I faith.

Why vvhat's the matter?

Oh he hath basted me rarely, sumptiously:but I haue

it heare vvill sause him, oh the doctor, the honestest old Tro-

ian in all Italy, I do honour the very flea of his dog: a plague

on him he put me once in a villanous filthy feare: marry it

vanisht away like the smooke of Tobacco but I vvas smookt

soundly first, I thanke the Diuell, and his good Angell my

guest: vvell vvife: or Tib (vvhich you vvill) get you in, and

locke the doore I charge you, let no body into you: not Bob-

badilla himselfe; nor the diuell in his likenesse; you are a vvo-

man; you haue flesh and blood enough in you; therefore be

not tempted; keepe the doore shut vpon all cummers.

I warrant you there shall no body enter heare vvith-

out my consent.

Nor with your consent sweete Tib and so I leaue you.

Its more then you know, vvhether you leaue me so.

I warrant you sir, feare nothing I haue a nimble soule

that hath wakt all my imaginatiue-forces by this time, and

put then, in true motion: vvhat you haue possest me with-

all? Ile discharge it amply sir. Make no question.

Thats vvell sayd Musco: fayth sirha how dost thou,

aproue my vvit in this deuise?

Troth vvell, howsoeuer? but excellent if it take.

Take man: vvhy it cannot chuse but take, if the cir-

cumstances miscarry not, but tell me zealously: dost thou

affect my sister Hesperida as thou pretendest?

Prospero by Iesu.

Come do not protest I: beleeue thee: I fayth she is a

virgine of good ornament, and much modestie, vnlesse I

conceiud very worthely of her, thou shouldest not haue

her.

Nay I thinke it a question whether I shall haue her

for all that.

Sblood thou shal haue her, by this light thou shalt?

Nay do not sweare.

By S. Marke thou shalt haue her: ile go fetch her pre-

sently, poynt but where to meete, and by this hand ile bring

her?

Hold, hold, what all pollicie dead? no preuention of

mischiefes stirring.

Why, by what shall I sweare by? thou shalt haue her

by my soule.

I pray the haue patience I am satisfied: Prospero o-

mit no offered occasion, that may make my desires compleate

I beseech thee.

I warrant thee.

Mary (Gods my comfort) where I thought I should

haue had little comfort of your worships seruice:

How so?

Oh God sir? your cumming to the citie, & your enter-

taynement of men, and your sending me to watch; indeede, all

the circumstances are as open to your sonne as to your selfe.

How should that be? vnlesse that villaine Musco

Haue told him of the letter, and discouered

All that I strictly chargd him to conceale? tis soe.

I sayth you haue hit it: tis so indeede.

But how should he know thee to be my man.

Nay sir, I cannot tell; vnlesse it were by the blacke arte?

is not your sonne a scholler sir?

Nay sir, rather you should aske where the found me?

for ile be sworne I was going along in the streete, thinking

nothing, when (of a suddayne) one calles, Signior Lorenzos man:

another, he cries, souldier: and thus halfe a dosen of them, till

they had got me within doores, where I no sooner came, but

out flies their rapiers and all bent agaynst my brest, they

swore some two or three hundreth oathes, and all to tell me I

was but a dead man, if I did not confesse where you were, and

how I was imployed, and about what, which when they

could not get out of me: (as Gods my iudge, they should haue

kild me first) they lockt me vp into a roome in the toppe of a

house, where by great miracle (hauing a light hart) I slidde

downe by a bottome of packthread into the streete, and so

scapt: but maister, thus much I can assure you, for I heard it

while I was lockt vp: there were a great many merchants and

rich citizens wiues with them at a banquet, and your sonne

Signior Lorenzo, has poynted one of them to meete anone at

one Cobs house, a waterbearers? that dwelles by the wall: now

there you shall be sure to take him: for fayle he will not.

Nor will I fayle to breake this match, I doubt not;

Well: go thou along with maister doctors man,

And stay there for me? at one Cobs house sayst thou.

I sir, there you shall haue him: when can you tell?

much wench, or much sonne: sblood when he has stayd there

three or foure houres', trauelling with the expectation of

somewhat; and at the length be deliuered of nothing: oh the

sport that I should thẽ take to look on him if I durst but now

I meane to appeare no more asore him in this shape: I haue a-

nother tricke to act yet? oh that I were so happy, as to light

vpon an ounce now of this doctors clarke: God saue you sir,

I thanke you good sir.

I haue made you stay somewhat long sir.

Not a whit sir, I pray you what sir do you meane: you

haue beene lately in the warres sir it seemes.

I Marry haue I sir.

Troth sir, I would be glad to bestow a pottle of wine of

you if it please you to accept it.

Oh Lord sir.

But to heare the manner of you seruises, and your de-

uises in the warres, they say they be very strange, and not like

those a man reades in the Romane histories.

Oh God no sir, why at any time when it please you, I

shall be ready to descourse to you what I know: and more to

somewhat.

No better time then now sir, weele goe to the Meers-

maide there we shall haue a cuppe of neate wine, I pray you

sir let me request you.

Ile follow you sir, he is mine owne I fayth.

Signior did you euer see the like cloune of him, where we

vvere to day: signior Prosperos brother? I thinke the vvhole

earth cannot shewhis like by Iesu.

We vvere now speaking of him, signior Bobadilla telles

me he is fallen foule of you two.

Oh I sir, he threatned me with the bastinado.

I but I think I taught you atrick this morning for that.

You shall kill him without all question: if you be so minded.

Indeede it is a most excellent tricke.

Oh you do not giue spirit enough to your motion, you

are too dull, too tardie: oh it must be done like lightning, hay?

Oh rare.

Tut tis nothing and't be not done in a—

Signior did you neuer play with any of our mai-

sters here.

Oh good sir.

Nay for a more instance of their preposterous humor,

there came three or foure of them to me, at a gentlemans

house, where it was my chance to bee resident at that

time, to intreate my presence at their scholes, and withall so

much importund me, that (I protest to you as I am a gentle-

man) I was ashamd of their rude demeanor out of all measure:

vvell, I tolde them that to come to a publique schoole they

should pardon me, it was opposite to my humor but if so they

vvould attend me at my lodging, I protested to do them what

right or fauour I could, as I vvas a gentleman. &c.

So sir, then you tried their skill.

Alasse soone tried: you shall heare sir, within two or

three dayes after, they came, and by Iesu good signior beleeue

me, I grac't them exceedingly, shewd them some two or three

trickes of preuention, hath got them since admirable credit,

they cannot denie this; and yet now they hate me, and why?

because I am excellent, and for no other reason on the earth.

This is strange and vile as euer I heard.

I will tell you sir vpon my first comming to the citie,

they assaulted me some three, foure, fiue, six, of them to-

gether as I haue walkt alone, in diuers places of the citie; as vpon

the exchange, at my lodging and at my ordinarie: where I haue

driuen them afore me the whole length of a streete, in the o-

pen view of all our gallants, pittying to hurt them beleeue me;

yet all this lenety will not depresse their spleane: they will

be doing with the Pismier, raysing a hill, a man may spurne a-

broade with his foote at pleasure: by my soule I could haue

slayne them all, but I delight not in murder: I am loth to beare

any other but a bastinado for them, and yet I hould it good

pollicie not to goe disarmd, for though I be skilfull, I may be

suppressd with multitudes.

I by Iesu may you sir and (in my conceite) our whole

nation should sustayne the losse by it, if it were so.

Alasse no: whats a peculier man, to a nation? not seene.

I but your skill sir.

Indeede that might be some losse, but who respects

it? I will tel you Signior (in priuate) I am a gentleman, and liue

here obscure, and to my selfe: but were I known to the Duke

(obserue me) I would vndertake (vpon my heade and life) for

the publique benefit of the state, not onely to spare the intire

liues of his subiects in generall, but to saue the one halfe: nay

there partes of his yeerely charges, in houlding warres gene-

rally agaynst all his enemies? and how will I do it thinke you?

Nay I know not, nor can I conceiue.

Marry thus, I would select 19 more to my selfe, throughout

the land, gentlemẽ they should be of good spirit; strong & able

constitutiõ, I would chuse thẽ by an instinct, a trick that I haue:

& I would teach these 19 the special tricks, as your Punto, your Reuerso, your

Stoccato, your Imbroccato, your Passido, your Mon-

taunto, till they could all play very neare or altogether as well as

my selfe; this done; say the enemie were forty thousand strong:

we twenty wold come into the field the tenth of March, or ther

abouts; & would challendge twenty of the enemie? they could

not in there honor refuse the combat: wel, we would kil them:

challenge twentie more, kill them; twentie more, kill them;

twentie more, kill them too; and thus would we kill euery

man, his twentie a day, thats twentie score; twentie score, thats

two hundreth; two hundreth a day, fiue dayes a thousand: fortie thousand;

fortie times fiue, fiue times fortie, two hun-

dreth dayes killes them all by computation, and this will I ven-

ture my life to performe: prouided there be no treason prac-

tised vpon vs.

Why are you so sure of your hand at all times?

Tut, neuer mistrust vpon my soule.

Masse I would not stand in signior Giuliano state, then;

And you meete him, for the wealth of Florence.

Why signior, by Iesu if hee were heare now: I would

not draw my weapon on him, let this gentleman doe his

mind but I wil bastinado him (by heauen) & euer I meete him.

Fayth and ihe haue a fling at him.

Sblood vvhat lucke haue I, I cannot meete vvith these

bragging rascalls.

Well had I thought it had beene he: he could not haue

gone so, but I cannot be induc'd to beleeue it vvas he yet.

Oh gallant haue I found you? draw to your tooles,

draw, or by Gods vvill ile thresh you.

Signior, I neuer thought it till now: body of S. George,

I haue a vvarrant of the peaceserued on me euen now, as I

came along by a vvaterbearer, this gentleman saw it, signior Matheo.

The peace? Sblood, you vvill not draw?

Hold signior hold, vnder

thy fauour forbeare.

Prate agayne as you like this you vvhoreson cowardly

rascall, youle controule the poynt you? your consort hee is

gone? had he stayd he had shard vvith yovv infayth.

Well gentlemen beare vvitnesse I vvas bound to the

peace, by Iesu.

Why and though you vvere sir, the lawe alowes you

to defend your selfe; thats but a poore excuse.

I cannot tell; I neuer sustayned the like disgrace (by

heauen) sure I vvas strooke with a Plannet then, for I had

no power to touch my vveapon.

I like inough I haue heard of many that haue beene

beaten vnder a plannet; goe get you to the Surgions, sblood

and these be your tricks, your passados, & your Mountauntos

ilenone of them: oh God that this age should bring foorth

such creatures? come cosen.

Masse ile haue this cloke.

Gods vvill: its Giuillianos.

Nay but tis mine now, another might haue tane it vp

as well as I, ile reate it so I will.

How and he see it, heele challenge assure yourselfe.

I but he shall not haue it: ile say I bought it.

Aduise you cosen, take heede he giue not you as

much.

No harme done brother I warrant you: since there is

no harme done, anger costs a man nothing: and a tall man

is neuer his owne man til he be angry, to keep his valure in ob-

ceuritie: is to keepe himselfe as it were in a cloke-bag: vvhats a

musition vnlesse he play? whats a tall man vnlesse he fight? for

indeede all this my brother stands vpon absolutely, and that

made me fall in with him so resolutely.

I but vvhat harme might haue come of it?

Might? so might the good warme cloathes your hus-

band vveares be poysond for any thing he knowes, or the

vvholesome vvine he drunke euen now at the table.

Is a fit similie, a toy? will he be poysond with a similie?

Brother Thorello , what a strange and vaine imagination is this?

For shame be wiser, of my soule theres no such matter.

Signior Thorello my maister doctor Clement salutes

you, and desires to speake with you, with all speede pos-

sible.

No time but now? well, ile waite vpon his worship,

Pizo, Cob, ile seeke them out, and set them sentinelles till I re-

turne. Pizo, Cob, Pizo.

Musco, this is rare, but how gotst thou this apparrel of

the doctors man.

Marry sir. My youth would needes bestow the wine

of me to heare some martiall discourse; where I so marshald

him, that I made him monstrous drunke, & because too much

heate vvas the cause of his distemper, I stript him starke na-

ked as he lay along a sleepe, and borrowed his sewt to deliuer

this counterfeit message in, leauing a rustie armoure, and an

olde browne bill to watch him; till my returne: which shall

be when I haue paund his apparrell, and spent the monie

perhappes.

Well thou art a madde knaue Musco, his absence will

be a good subiect for more mirth: I pray the returne to thy

young maister Lorenzo, and will him to meete me and Hesperi-

da at the Friery presently: for here tell him the house is so

sturde with iealousie, that there is no roome for loue to stand

vpright in: but ile vse such meanes she shall come thether, and

that I thinke will meete best with his desires: Hye thee good

Musco.

I goe sir.

Hees euer calling for Cob, I vvonder how hee im-

ployesCob soe.

Indeede sister to aske how he imployes Cob, is a neces-

sary question for you that are his wife, and a thing not very

easie for you to be satisfied in: but this ile assure you Cobs wife