AND whether with you now? what loose

action are you bound for? come what com-

rades are you to meete withall? whers the

supper? whers the randeuous?

Indeed, and in very good so-

ber truth, Sir.

Indeed, and in very good sober

truth Sir? Behinde my backe thou wilt sweare faster then a

french foot boy, and talke more bawdily then a common mid-

wife, and now indeede and in very good sober truth Sir: but if

a priuie search should be made, with what furniure are you

riggd now? Sirrah I tell thee, I am thy maister William Tutch-

stone Goldsmith: and thou my Prentise Francis Quick-siluer:

and will see whether you are running. Worke vpon that now.

Why Sir I hope a man may vse his recreation with

his maisters profit.

Prentises recreations are seldome with their maisters

profit. Worke vpon that now. You shall giue vp your cloake

tho you be no Alderman. Heyday, Ruffins hall. Sword, pumps,

heers a Racket indeed.

Worke vpon that now.

Thou shamlesse Varlet dost thou iest at thy lawfull

maister contrary to thy Indentures?

Why zbloud sir, my mother's a Gentlewoman: and

my father a Iustice of Peace, and of Quorum, and tho I am a

yonger brother and a prentise yet I hope I am my fathers sonne:

and by Gods lidde, tis for your worship and for your commodi-

tie that I keepe companie. I am intertaind among gallants,

They call me coozen Franke, right; I lend them mon-

nies, good; they spend it, well. But when they are spent,

must not they striue to get more? must not their land flye?

and to whom? shall not your worship ha, the refusall? well,

I am a good member of the Citty if I were well conside-

red. How would Merchants thriue, if Gentlemen would

not be vnthriftes? How could Gentlemen be vnthrifts if their

humours were not fed? How should their humours be fedde

but by whit-meate, and cunning secondings? well, the Cittie

might consider vs. I am going to an Ordinary now; the gal-

lants fall to play, I carry light golde with me: the gallants call

coozen Francke some golde for siluer, I change, gaine by it,

the gallants loose the gold; and then call coozen Francke

lend me some siluer. Why ————

Why? I cannot tell, seuẽ score pound art thou out in the

cash, but looke to it, I will not be gallanted out of my monies.

And as for my rising by other mens fall; God shield me. Did

I gaine my wealth by Ordinaries? no: by exchanging of gold?

no: by keeping of gallants company? no. I hired me a little

shop, fought low, tooke small gaine, kept no debt booke,

garnished my shop for want of Plate, with good wholsome

thriftie sentences; As, Touchstone, keepe thy shopp, and thy shoppe

will keepe thee. Light gaines makes heauy purses. Tis good to be

merry and wise: And when I was wiu'd, hauing something to

stick too, I had the horne of Suretiship euer before my eyes:

You all know the deuise of the Horne, where the young

fellow slippes in at the Butte end, and comes squesd out at

the Buckall: and I grew vp, and I praise prouidence, I beare

my browes now as high as the best of my neighbours: but

thou – well looke to the accounts, your fathers bond lyes for

you: seuen score pound is yet in the reere.

Why Slid sir, I haue as good, as proper gallants

wordes for it as any are in London, Gentlemen of good

phrase, perfect language, passingly behau'd, Gallants that

weare socks and cleane linnen, and call me kinde coozen

Francke, good coozen Francke, for they know my Father; and

by gods lidde shall not I trust' hem? not trust?

What doe yee lacke Sir? What ist you'le buye

Sir?

I marry Sir, there's a youth of another

peece. There's thy fellowe-Prentise, as good a Gentleman

borne as thou art: nay, and better mean'd. But dos he pumpe

it, or Racket it? Well, if he thriue not, if he out-last not a hun-

dred such crackling Bauins as thou art, God and men neglect

industrie.

It is his Shop, and here my M.walkes.

With me Boy?

My Maister, Sir Petronel Flash, recommends his loue

to you, and will instantly visite you,

To make vp the match with my eldest daughter, my

wiues Dilling, whom she longs to call Maddam. He shall finde

me vnwillingly readie Boy.

Ther's another afliction too. As I haue two Prentises: the one

of a boundlesse prodigalitie, the other of a most hopefull In-

dustrie. So haue I onely two daughters: the eldest, of a

proud ambition and nice wantonnesse: the other of a modest

humilitie and comely sobernesse. The one must bee Ladyfied

forsooth: and be attir'd just to the Court-cut, and long tayle.

So farre is she ill naturde to the place and meanes of my pre-

ferment and fortune, that shee throwes all the contempt and

dispight, hatred it selfe can cast vpon it. Well, a peece of

Land she has, t'was her Grandmothers gift: let her, and her

Sir Petronel, flash out that. But as for my substance, shee that

skornes mee, as I am a Citizen and Trades-man, shall neuer

pamper her pride with my industrie: shall neuer vse me as men

doe Foxes; keepe themselues warme in the skinne, and throwe

the body that bare it to the dung-hill. I must goe intertaine

this Sir Petronell. Goulding, My vtmost care's for thee, and one-

ly trust in thee, looke to the shoppe, as for you, Maister Quick-,

siluer, thinke of huskes, for thy course is running directly to the

prodigalls hogs trough. huskes S^ra.

Mary sough goodman flat-cap: Sfoot tho I am a

prentise I can giue armes, and my father's a iustice a peace by

discent: and zbloud ————

Fye how you sweare.

Sfoot man I am a Gentleman, and may sweare by my

pedegree, Gods my life. Sirah Goulding, wilt be ruled by a

foole? turne good fellow, turne swaggering gallant, and let

the Welkin roare, and Erebus also: Looke not Westward to

the fall of Don Phœbus, but to the East; Eastward Hoe,

We are both Gentlemen, and therefore should be no cox-

combes: lets be no longer fooles to this flat-cap Touchstone.

Eastward Bully: this Sattin belly, & Canuas backt Touchstone;

Slife man his father was a Malt-man, and his mother sould

Ginger-bread in Christ-church.

What would yee ha me doe?

Why do nothing, be like a gentleman, be idle the

cursse of man is labour. Wipe thy bum with testones, & make

Duckes and Drakes with shillings: What Eastward hoe.

Wilt thou crie, what ist yee lack? stand with a bare pate, and a

dropping nose, vnder a wodden pent-house, and art a gentle-

man? wilt thou beare Tankards, and maist beare Armes?

be rul'd, turne gallant, Eastward hoe, ta ly re, ly re, ro, Who calls

Ieronimo? speake here I am: gods so, how like a sheepe thou

lookst, a my conscience some cowheard begot thee, thou Goul-

ding of Goulding-hall, ha boy?

Goe, yee are a prodigall coxcombe, I a cowheards

sonne, because I turne not a drunkē whore-hunting rake-hell

like thy selfe?

Rakehell? rakehell?

Pish, in soft termes yee are a cowardly bragging boy.

Ile ha you whipt.

Whipt, thats good ifaith, vntrusse me?

No, thou wilt vndoe thy selfe. Alas I behold thee

with pitty, not with anger; thou common shot-clog, gull of all

companies: mee thinkes I see thee already walking in

Moore fields without a Cloake, with halfe a Hatte, with-

out a band, a Doublet with three Buttons, without a girdle,

a hose with one point and no Garter, with a cudgell vnder

thine arme borrowing and begging three pence.

Nay Slife, take this and take all: as I am a Gentle-

man borne, Ile be drunke, grow valiant, and beate thee.

Goe thou most madly vaine, whom nothing can re-

couer but that which reclaimes Athiests, and makes great

persons sometimes religious: Calamitie. As for my place and

life thus I haue read:

For the passion of patience, looke if sir Petronellap-

proach; that sweet, that fine, that delicate, that—for loues sake

tell me if he come. O sister Mil.hi>, though my father be a low

capt tradsman, yet I must be a Lady: and I praise God my

mother must call me Medam, (does he come?) off with this

gowne for shames sakes, off with this gowne: let not my

Knight take me in the Citty cut in any hand: tear't, pax ont

(does he come) tear't of. Thus whilst shee sleepes I sorrow, for

her sake, &c

Lord sister, with what an immodest impaciencie and

disgracefull scorne, doe you put off your Citty tier: I am sor-

rie to thinke you imagin to right your selfe, in wronging that

which hath made both you and vs.

I tell you I cannot indure it, I must be a Lady: do you

weare your Quoiffe with a London licket; your Stammell

petticoate with two guardes, the Buffin gowne with the Tuf-

taffitie cape, and the Veluet lace. I must be a Lady, and I will

be a Lady. I like some humors of the Cittie Dames well, to

eate Cherries onely, at an Angell a pound, good; to dye rich

Scarlet black, pretty: to line a Grogaram gowne cleane

thorough with veluet, tollerable; their pure linnen, their smocks

of 3.li. a smock are to be borne withall. But your minsing nice-

ryes, taffata pipkins, durance petticotes, & siluer bodkins.—Gods

my life, as I shall be a Lady I cannot indure it. Is hee come yet?

Lord what a long knight tis! And euer shee cride shoute home,

and yet I knew one longer, and euer she cryde shoute home, fa, la,

ly, re, lo, la.

Well Sister, those that scorne their nest, oft flye with a

sicke wing.

Boe-bell.

Where Titles presume to thrust before fit meanes to

second them, Wealth and respect often growe sullen and will

not follow. For sure in this, I would for your sake I spake not

truth. Where ambition of place goes before fitnesse of birth, con-

tempt and disgrace follow. I heard a Scholler once say, that Vlis-

ses when he counterfetted himselfe madde, yoakt cattes, and

foxes, and dogges togither to draw his plowe, whilst he follow-

ed and sowed salt: But sure I judge them truely madde, that

yoake citizens and courtiers, trades men and souldiers, a gold-

smiths daughter and a knight: well sister, pray God my father

sowe not salt too.

Alas, poore Mil.hi> when I am a Lady, Ile pray for thee yet

Ifaith: Nay, and Ile vouchsafe to call thee sister Mil still, for

though thou art not like to be a Lady as I am, yet sure thou art

a creature of Gods making; and mayest paraduenture to bee

sau'd as soone as I, (dos he come?) And euer and anon she dou-

bled in her song.

Fine and stifly ifaith, twill keepe your thighes so coole

and make your waste so small: here was a fault in your bodie,

but I haue supplyed the defect, with the effect of my steele in-

strument which, though it haue but one eye, can see to rectifie

the imperfection of the proportion.

Most ædefying Tailer! I protest you Tailers are most

sanctified members, and make many crooked thing goe vpright.

How must I beare my hands? light? light?

O I, now you are in the Lady-fashion, you must doe

all things light. Tread light, light. I and fall so:

that's the court-Amble.

Has the Court nere a trot?

No, but a false gallop, Ladie.

And if she will not goe to bed

The knights come forsooth.

Is my knight come? O the Lord. my band?

ister doo my cheekes looke well? giue me a little boxe a the

eare that I may seeme to blush: now, now. So, there, there, there!

here he is: O my dearest delight, Lord, Lord, and how dos

my Knight?

Fye, with more modestie.

Modestie! why I am no cittizen now, modestie?

am I not to bee married? y'are best to keepe me modest now I

am to be a Ladie.

Boldnes is good fashion and courtlike.

I, in a countrie Ladie I hope it is: as I shall be.

And how chaunce ye came no sooner knight?

Faith, I was so intertaind in the Progresse with one

Count Epernoum a welch knight: wee had a match at Baloone

too, with my Lord Whachum, for foure crownes.

At Baboone? Iesu! you and I will play at Baboone in the

countrey? Knight.

O sweet Lady: tis a strong play with the arme.

With arme, or legge, or any other member, if it bee a

court-sport. And when shal's be married my Knight?

I come now to consumate it; and your father may

call a poore Knight, Sonne in Law.

Sir, ye are come, what is not mine to keepe, I

must not be sorry to forgoe: A 100.li.Land her Grandmother

left her, tis yours, herselfe (as her mothers gift) is yours. But if

you expect ought from me, know, my hand and mine eyes open

together; I doe not giue blindly: Worke vpon that now.

Sir, you mistrust not my meanes? I am a Knight.

Sir, Sir; What I know not, you will giue me leaue to

say, I am ignorant of.

Yes, that he is a Knight; I know where he had

money to pay the Gentlemen Vshers, and Heralds their Fees.

I, that he is a Knight: and so might you haue beene too, if you

had beene ought else then an Asse, aswell as some of your

neighbours. And I thought you would not ha beene Knighted,

(as I am an honest woman) I would ha dub'd you my self, I praise

God I haue wherewithall. But as for you daughter. ———

I mother, I must bee a Ladie to morrow: and by your

leaue mother (I speake it not without my dutie, but onely in the

right of my husband) I must take place of you, Mother.

That you shall Lady-daughter, and haue a

Coach as well as I too.

Yes mother. But by your leaue mother, (I speake it not

without my dutie but onely in my husbands right) my Coach-

horses must take the wall of your Coach-horses.

Come, come, the day growes low: tis sup-

per time; vse my house the wedding solemnitie is at my

wifes cost; thanke mee for nothing but my willing blessing:

for (I cannot faine) my hopes are faint. And Sir, respect my

daughter, shee has refus'd for you wealthy and honest mat-

ches, knowne good men, well monied, better traded, best re-

puted.

Boddy a truth, Chittizens, Chittizens. Sweet Knight,

as soone as euer wee are married, take mee to to thy mercie

out of this miserable Chittie, presently, carry me out of the sent

of New-castle Coale, and the hearing of Boe-bell, I beseech

thee downe with me for God sake.

No, no; yon'd stand my hopes.

Mildred, Come hither daughter. And how approue you

your sisters fashion? how doe you phantsie her choyce? what

dost thou thinke?

I hope as a sister, well.

Nay but, nay but how dost thou like her behauiour

and humour? speake freely.

I am loath to speake ill: and yet I am sorry of this, I

cannot speake well.

Well: very good, as I would wish: A modest an-

swere. Goulding, come hither: hither Golding. How dost thou

like the Knight, Sir Flash? dos he not looke bigge? how likst thou

the Elephant? he sayes he has a castle in the Countrey.

Pray heauen, the Elephant carry not his Castle on his

backe.

Fore heauen, very well: But seriously, how dost re-

pute him?

The best I can say of him is, I know him not.

Ha Goulding? I commend thee, I approoue thee, and

will make it appeare my affection is strong to thee. My wife

has her humour, and I will ha, mine. Dost thou see my daugh-

ter here? shee is not faire, well-fauoured or so, indifferent, which

modest measure of beautie, shall not make it thy onely worke

to watch her, not sufficient mischaunce, to suspect her. Thou art

towardly, shee is modest, thou art prouident, shee is carefull.

Shee's nowe mine: giue me thy hand, shee's now thine. Worke

vpon that now.

(obey you.

Sir, as your sonne, I honour you; and as your seruant

Sayest thou so, come hither Mildred. Doe you see

yon'd fellow? he is a Gentleman (tho my Prentise) & has some-

what to take too: a Youth of good hope; well friended, wel par-

ted. Are you mine? You are his. Worke (you) vpon that now.

Sir, I am all yours: your body gaue mee life, your care

and loue hapinesse of life: let your vertue still direct it, for to

your wisedome I wholy dispose my selfe.

Sayst thou so? be you two better acquainted. Lip her,

Lip her knaue. So shut vp shop: in. We must make holiday.

Here sir; (vmp.)

So sir; nothing but flat Maister Quickesiluer (with-

out any familiar addition) will fetch you: will you trusse my

points sir?

I forsooth: (vmp.)

How now sir? the druncken hyckop, so soone this

morning?

Tis but the coldnesse of my stomack forsooth.

What? haue you the cause naturall for it? y'are a very

learned drunckerd: I beleeue I shall misse some of my filuer

spoones with your learning. The nuptiall night will not moi-

sten your throate sufficiently, but the morning likewise must

raine her dews into your gluttonous wesand.

An't please you sir, we did but drinke (vmp,) to the

comming off, of the Knightly Bridegrome.

To the comming off an'him?

I forsooth: we druncke to his comming on (vmp,)

when we went to bed; and now we are vp, we must drinke to

his comming off: for thats the chiefe honour of a Souldier sir,

and therfore we must drinke so much the more to it, forsooth.

(vmp.)

A very capitall reason. So that you goe to bed late,

and rise early to commit drunkennesse? you fullfill the Scrip-

ture very sufficient wickedly forsooth.

The Knights men forsooth be still a their knees at it,

(vmp) & because tis for your credit sir, I wold be loth to flinch.

I pray sir, een to 'hem againe then; y'are one of the

seperated crew, one of my wiues faction, & my young Ladies,

with whö & with their great match, I wil haue nothing to do.

So sir, now I will go keepe my (vmp) credit with 'hem

an't please you sir.

In any case Sir, lay one cup of Sack more a'your cold

stomack, I beseech you.

Yes forsooth.

This is for my credit Seruants euer maintaine drun-

kennesse in their maisters house, for their maisters credit; a

good idle Seruing-mans reason: I thanke Time, the night is

past; I nere wakt to such cost; I thinke we haue stowd more

sorts of flesh in our bellies, then euer Noahs Arke receiued:

and for Wine, why my house turnes giddie with it, and more

noise in it then at a Conduict; Aye me, euen beasts condemne

our gluttonie. Well, 'tis our Citties fault, which because we

commit seldome, we commit the more sinfully, wee lose no

time in our sensualitie, but we make amends for it; O that we

would do so in vertue, and religious negligences; But see here

are all the sober parcels my house can showe, Ile eauesdrop, heare what thoughts they vtter this morning.

But is it possible, that you seeing your sister preferd to

the bed of a Knight, should containe your affections in the

armes of a Prentice?

I had rather make vp the garment of my affections

in some of the same peece, then like a foole weare gownes of

two coulours, or mix Sackcloth with Sattin.

And doe the costly garments; the title and fame of a

Lady the fashion, obseruation, and reuerence proper to such

preferment, no more enflame you, then such conuenience as

my poore meanes and industrie can offer to your vertues?

I haue obseru'd that the bridle giuen to those violent

flatteries of fortune, is seldome recouer'd; they beare one

headlong in desire from one noueltie to another: and where

those ranging appetites raigne, there is euer more passion then

reason: no staye, and so no happinesse. These hastie aduance-

ments are not naturall; Nature hath giuen vs legges, to goe to

our obiects; not wings to flie to them.

How deare an obiect you are to my desires I cannot

expresse, whose fruition would my maisters absolute content

and yours vouchsafe me, I should be absolutely happy. And

though it were a grace so farre beyond my merit, that I should

blush with vnworthinesse to receiue it, yet thus farre both my

loue & my meanes shall assure your requitall; you shall want

nothing fit for your birth and education; what encrease of

wealth and aduancement the honest and orderly industrie &

skill of our ttade will affoorde in any, I doubt not will be as-

pirde by me; I will euer make your contenment the end of my

endeuours; I will loue you aboue all; and onely your griefe

shall be my miserie; and your delight, my felicitie.

Worke vpon that now. By my hopes, he woes ho-

nestly and orderly; he shalbe Anchor of my hopes. Looke, see

the ill yoakt monster his fellow.

Eastward Hoe; Holla ye pampered Iades of Asia.

Drunke now downe right, a, my fidelitie.

(Vmp) pulldo, Pulldo; showse quoth the Caliuer.

Fie fellow. Quickesiluer, what a pickle are you in?

Pickle? pickle in thy throate; zounes pickell? wa ha ho,

good morow knight Petronell: morow lady Gouldsmith. come

of, Knight, with a counterbuff, for the honor of knighthood.

Why how now sir? doe yee know where you are?

Where I am? why sbloud you Ioulthead where I am?

Go to, go to, for shame go to bed, and sleepe out this

immodestie: thou sham'st both my maister and his house.

Shame? what shame? I thought thou wouldst show

thy bringing vp: and thou wert a Gentleman as I am, thou

wouldst thinke it no shame to be drunke. Lend me some mo-

ney, saue my credit, I must dine with the Seruing men and

their wiues; and their wiues sirha.

E'ene who you will, Ile not lend thee three pence.

Sfoote lend me some money, hast thou not Hyren here?

Why how now sirha? what vain's this, hah?

Who cries on murther? lady was it you? how does our

maister? pray thee crie Eastward ho?

Sirha, sirrha, y' are past your hickvp now, I see y' are

Tis for vour credit maister.

And heare you keepe a whore in towne.

Tis for your credit Maister.

And what you are out in Cashe, I know.

So do I. my fathers a Gentleman,Worke vpon that

now; Eastward hoe.

Sir, Eastward hoe, will make you go Westward ho;

I will no longer dishonest my house, nor endanger my stocke

with your licence; There sir, there's your Indenture, all your

apparell (that I must know) is on your back; and from this

time my doore is shut to you: from me be free; but for other

freedome, and the moneys you haue wasted; Eastward ho,

shall not serue you.

Am I free a, my fetters? Rente; Flye with a Duck in

thy mouth: and now I tell thee Touchstone—

Good sir.

When this eternall substance of my soule,

Well said, chandge your gould ends for your play

Did liue imprison'd in my wanton flesh.

What then sir?

I was a Courtier in the Spanish court, and Don Andrea

Good maister Don Andrea will you marche?

Sweete Touchstone, will you lend me two shillings?

Not a penny.

Not a penny? I haue friends, & I haue acquaintance,

I will pisse at thy shop posts, and throw rotten Egges at thy

signe: Worke vpon that now.

Now sirha, you? heare you? you shall serue me no

more neither; not an houre longer.

What meane you sir?

I meane to giue thee thy freedome; & with thy free-

dome my daughter: & with my daughter a fathers loue. And

with all these such a portion, as shall make Knight Petronell

himselfe enuie thee: y' are both agreed? are yee not?

With all submission, both of thanks and dutie.

Well then, the great powre of heauē blesse & confirme

you. And, Goulding, that my loue to thee may not showe lesse

then my wiues loue to my eldest daughter; thy mariage feast

shall equall the Knights and hers.

Let me beseech you, no Sir, the superfluitie and colde

meate left at their Nuptialls, will with bountie furnish ours.

The grossest prodigallitie is superfluous cost of the Bellye: nor

would I wish any invitement of States or friendes, onely your

reuerent presence and witnesse shall sufficiently grace and confirme vs.

Sonne to mine owne bosome, take her and my

blessing: The nice fondling, my Lady sir-reuerence, that I

must not nowe presume to call daughter, is so rauish't with

desire to hansell her new Coche, and see her knights Eastward

Castle, that the next morning will sweate with her busie setting

foorth, awaye will she and her mother, and while their prepa-

concluded.

My priuie Guest, lustie Quickesiluer, has drunke too

deepe of the Bride-boule, but with a little sleepe he is much re-

couered; And I thinke is making himselfe readie, to bee drunke

in a gallanter likenes: My house is as t' were the Caue, where the

yong Out-lawe hoords the stolne vayles of his occupation; And

here when he will reuell it in his prodigall similitude, he retires

to his Trunks, and (I may say softly) his Punks: he dares trust me

with the keeping of both: for I am Securitie it selfe, my name

is Securitie, the famous Vsurer.

Come old Securitie, thou father of destruction: th'in-

dented Sheepeskinne is burn'd wherein I was wrapt, and I am

now loose, to get more children of perdition into thy vsurous

Bonds. Thou feed'st my Lecherie, and I thy Couetousnes: Thou

art Pandar to me for my wench, and I to thee for thy coosena-

ges: K. mee, K. thee, runnes through Court and Countrey.

Well said my subtle Quickesiluer, These K's ope the

dores to all this worldes felicitie: the dullest forehead sees it.

Let not mast. Courtier thinke hee carries all the knauery on his

shoulders: I haue knowne poore Hob in the countrie, that has

worne hob-nayles on's shoes, haue as much villanie in's head,

as he that weares gold bottons in's cap.

Why man, tis the London high-way to thrift, if ver-

tue bee vsde; tis but as a scrappe to the nette of villanie. They

that vse it simplie, thriue simplie I warrant: "Waight and

fashion makes Goldsmiths Cockolds.

That I haue Franck, the Ostler a'th Cocke, drest him for a Breakefast.

No, but he eate his breakefast for dressing him: and so

drest him for breakfast.

But ah-las Francke, how will all this bee maintain'd

now?

Your place maintain'd it before.

Why and I maintainde my place. Ile to the

Court, another manner of place for maintenance I hope then

the silly Cittie. I heard my father say, I heard my mother

sing a nolde Song and a true: Tou art a shee foole, and know'st

not what belongs to our male wisedome. I shallbee a Marchaunt

for-sooth: trust my estate in a wooden Troughe as hee does?

What are these Shippes, but Tennis Balles for the windes to

play withall? Tost from one waue to another; Nowe vn-

der-line; Nowe ouer the house; Sometimes Bricke-wal'd

against a Rocke, so that the guttes flye out againe:

sometimes strooke vnder the wide Hazzard, and farewell Mast.

Marchant.

Well Francke, well; the Seas you say

are vncertaine: But hee that sayles in your Court Seas,

shall finde 'hem tenne times fuller of hazzard; wherein to see

what is to bee seene, is torment more then a free Spirite

can indure; But when you come to suffer, howe many

Iniuries swallowe you? What care and deuotion must you

vse, to humour an imperious Lord? proportion your lookes

to his lookes? smiles to his smiles? fit your sayles to the winde

of his breath?

Tush hee's no Iourney-man in his craft, that can not

doe that.

But hee's worse then a Prentise that does it,

not onely humouring the Lorde, but euery Trencher-

bearer, euery Groome that by indulgence and intelligence

crept into his fauour, and by Pandarisme into his Chamber;

He rules the roste: And when my honourable Lorde sayes it

shall bee thus, my worshipfull Rascall (the Groome of his

close stoole) sayes it shall not bee thus, claps the doore after

him, and who dares enter? A Prentise, quoth you? tis but

to learne to liue, and does that disgrace a man? hee that rises

hardly, stands firmely: but hee that rises with ease, Alas, falles

as easily.

A pox on you, who taught you this mor

rallitie?

Tis long of this wittie Age, Maister Fran-

cis. But indeede, Mistris Synnedefie, all Trades complaine

of inconuenience, and therefore tis best to haue none. The

Marchaunt hee complaines, and sayes, Trafficke is subiect to

much vncertaintie and losse: let 'hem keepe their goods on

dry land with a vengeaunce, and not expose other mens

substances to the mercie of the windes, vnder protection of

a woodden wall (as Maister Francis sayes) and all for gree-

die desire, to enrich themselues with vnconscionable gaine,

two for one, or so: where I, and such other honest men as

liue by lending money, are content with moderate pro-

fite; Thirtie, or Fortie i'th'hundred: so wee may haue it

with quietnesse, and out of perill of winde and weather, ra-

ther then runne those daungerous courses of trading, as they

doe.

Dad thou mayst well bee called Securitie, for thou

takest the safest course.

Faith the quieter, and the more contented;

and, out of doubt, the more godly. For Marchants in their

courses are neuer pleas'd, but euer repining against Hea-

uen: One prayes for a Westerly winde to carry his shippe

foorth; another for an Easterly to bring his shippe home;

and at euery shaking of a leafe, hee falles into an agonie,

to thinke what daunger his Shippe is in on such a Coast,

and so foorth. The Farmer hee is euer at oddes with the

Weather, sometimes the clowdes haue beene too barrens

Sometimes the Heauens forgette themselues, their Har-

uests answere not their hopes; Sometimes the Season

falles out too fruitefull, Corne will beare no price, and so

foorth. Th' Artificer, hee's all for a stirring worlde, if his

Trade bee too full and fall short of his expectation, then

falles he out of ioynt. Where we that trade nothing but money,

are free from all this, wee are pleasd with all weathers: let it

raine or hold vp, bee calme or windy, let the season be whatso-

euer, let Trade goe how it will, wee take all in good part;

een what please the heauens to send vs; so the Sunne stand not

still; and the Moone keepe her vsuall returnes; and make vp

dayes, moneths, and yeares.

And you haue good securitie?

I mary Francke, that's the speciall point.

And yet forsooth wee must haue Trades to liue

withall; For wee cannot stand without legges, nor flye with-

out wings; and a number of such skurvie phrases. No, I say

still; hee that has wit, let him liue by his wit: hee that has none,

let him be a Trades-man.

Witty Maister Francis!

Tis pittie any Trade should dull that quicke braine of yours.

Doe but bring Knight Petronell into my Parchment Toyles

once. and you shall neuer neede to toyle in any trade, a my credit! You know his wiues Land?

Euen to a foote Sir, I haue beene often

there: a pretie fine Seate, good Land, all intire within it

selfe.

Well wooded?

Two hundered pounds woorth of wood readye

to fell. And a fine sweete house that stands iust in the midst an't,

like a Pricke in the midst of a Circle; would I were your Far-

mer, for a hundred pound a yeere.

Excellent M. Francis; how I do long to doe thee good:

How I doe hunger, and thirst to haue the honour to inrich thee?

, euen to die, that thou mightest inherite my liuing: euen hun-

ger and thirst, -for a my Religion, M. Francis. And so tell Knight

Petronell I doe it to doe him a pleasure.

Marry Dad, his horses are now comming vp,

to beare downe his Ladie, wilt thou lend him thy stable to set

'hem in?

Faith M. Francis, I would be lothe to lend my Stable

out of dores, in a greater matter I will pleasure him, but not in

this.

A pox of your hunger and thirst. Well Dad, let him

haue money: All he could any way get, is bestowed on a Ship,

now bound for Virginia: the frame of which voiage is so close-

ly conuaide, that his new Ladie nor any of her friendes know it.

Notwithstanding, as soone as his Ladyes hand is gotten to the

sale of her inheritance, and you haue furnisht him with money,

he will instantly hoyst Saile, and away.

Now a Franck gale of winde goe with him, Maister

Franke, we haue too few such knight aduenturers: who would

not sell away competent certainties, to purchase (with any

danger) excellent vncertainties? your true knight venturer euer does it. Let his wife seale to day, he shall haue his money

to day.

To morrow she shall, Dad, before she goes into the coũ-

try, to worke her to which actiõ, with the more engines, I pur-

pose presently to preferre my sweete Sinne here, to the place

of her Gentlewoman; whom you (for the more credit) shall

present as your friends daughter, a Gentlewoman of the coun-

trie, new come vp with a will for a while to learne fashions for-

sooth, and be toward some Ladie; and she shall buzz prettie

deuises into her Ladies eare; feeding her humors so seruicea-

blie (as the manner of such as she is you know.)

True good Maister Fraunces.

That she shall keepe her Port open to any thing she

commends to her.

A'my religion, a most fashionable proiect; as good

she spoile the Lady, as the Lady spoile her; for tis three to one

of one fide: sweete mistresse Sinne, how are you bound to

maister Frances! I doe not doubt to see you shortly wedde one

of the head men of our cittie.

But sweete Franke, when shall my father Securitie

present me?

With all festination; I haue broken the Ice to it al-

ready and will presently to the Knights house, whether, my

good old Dad, let me pray thee with all formallitie to man her.

Commaund me Maister Frances; I doe hunger and

thirst to doe thee seruice. Come sweete Mistresse Sinne, take

leaue of my Wynnifride, and we will instantly meete francke

Maister Frances at your Ladies.

Where is my Cu there? Cu?

I Winnie.

Wilt thou come in, sweete Cu?

I Wynney, presently.

I Wynney, quod he? thats all he can doe poore man;

he may well cut off her name at Wynney. O tis an egregious

Pandare! what will not an vsurous knaue be, so he may bee

riche? O'tis a notable Iewes trump! I hope to liue to see dogs

meate made of the old Vsurers flesh; Dice of his bones; and

Indentures of his skinne: and yet his skinne is too thicke to

make Parchment, 'twould make good Bootes for a Peeter

man to catch Salmon in. Your onely smooth skinne to make

fine Vellam is your Puritanes skinne; they be the smoothest

and slickest knaues in a countrie.

Ile out of this wicked towne as fast as my horse can

trot: Here's now no good action for a man to spend his time in.

Tauerns growe dead; Ordinaries are blowne vp; Playes are

at a stand; Howses of Hospitallitie at a fall; not a Feather

wauing, nor a Spurre gingling any where: Ile away in-

stantlie.

Y'ad best take some crownes in your purse Knight, or

else your Eastward Castle will smoake but miserably.

O Francke! my castle? Alas all the Castles I haue, are

built with ayre, thou know'st.

I know it Knight, and therefore wonder whether

your Lady is going.

Faith to seeke her Fortune I thinke. I said I had a castle

and land Eastward, and Eastward she will without contra-

diction; her coach, and the coach of the Sunne must meete

full butt: And the Sunne being out shined with her Lady-

ships glorie, she feares hee goes Westward to hange him-

selfe.

And I feare, when her enchanted Castle becomes in-

uisible, her Ladyship will returne and follow his example.

O that she would haue the grace, for I shall neuer be

able to pacifie her, when she sees her selfe deceiued so.

As easely as can be. Tell her she mistooke your di-

rections, and that shortly, your selfe will downe with her to

approoue it; and then, cloath but her croupper in a new

Gowne, and you may driue her any way you list: for these

womē Sir, are like Essex Calues, you must wriggle 'hem on by

the tayle still, or they will neuer driue orderly.

But alas sweet Francke, thou know'st my habilitie will

not furnish her bloud with those costly humors.

Cast that cost on me Sir, I haue spoken to my olde

Pandare Securitie, for money or commoditie; and commodi-

tie (if you will) I know he will procure you.

Commoditie! Alas what commoditie?

Why Sir? what say you to Figges, and Raysons?

A plague of Figges and Raysons, and all such fraile

commodities, we shall make nothing of 'hem.

Why then Sir, what say you to Fortie pound in ro-

sted Beefe?

Out vpon't, I haue lesse stomacke to that, then to the

Figges and Raysons: Ile out of Towne, though I soiourne

with a friend of mine, for staye here I must not; my creditors

haue laide to arrest me, and I haue no friend vnder heauen

but my Sword to baile me.

Gods me Knight, put 'hem in sufficient sureties, rather

then let your Sworde bayle you; Let 'hem take their choice,

eyther the Kings Benche, or the Fleete, or which of the

two Counters they like best, for by the Lord I like none of

'hem.

Well Francke there is no iesting with my earnest ne-

cessitie; thou know'st if I make not present money to further

my voyage begun all's lost, and all I haue laid out about it.

Why then Sir in earnest, if you can get your wise La-

dy to set her hand to the sale of her Inheritance, the bloud

hound Securitie will smell out ready money for you in-

stantly.

There spake an Angell. To bring her to which

conformitie, I must faine my selfe extreamly amorous;

and alledging vrgent excuses for my stay, behinde, part

with her as passionately, as she would from her foysting

hound.

You haue the Sowe by the right eare Sir: I warrant

there was neuer Childe longd more to ride a Cock horse, or

weare his new coate, thẽ she longs to ride in her new Coache:

She would long for euery thing when she was a maide; and

now she will runne mad for 'hem: I laye my life she will haue

euery yeare foure children; and what charge and change of

humour you must endure while she is with childe; and how

she will tie you to your tackling till she be with child, a Dog

would not endure: Nay, there is no Turne-spit Dog bound to

his wheele more seruily, then you shall be to her wheele; For

as that Dogge can neuer climbe the top of his wheele, but

when the toppe comes vnder him: so shall you neuer clime

the top of her contentment, but when she is vnder you.

Slight how thou terrifiest me?

Nay harke you sir; what Nurses, what Midwiues,

what Fooles, what Phisitions, what cunning women must be

sought for (fearing sometimes she is bewitcht, some times in a

consumption) to tell her tales, to talke bawdy to her, to make

her laughe, to giue her glisters, to let her bloud vnder the

tongue, and betwixt the toes; how she will reuile and kisse

you; spit in your face, and lick it off againe; how she will vaunt

you are her Creature; shee made you of nothing; how shee

could haue had thousand marke ioyntures; she could haue bin

made a Lady by a Scotche Knight; & neuer ha' married him:

Shee could haue had Poynados in her bed euery morning;

how she set you vp, and how she will pull you downe: youle

neuer be able to stand of your legges to endure it.

Out of my fortune, what a death is my life bound face

to face too? The best is, a large Time-fitted conscience is bound

to nothing: Marriage is but a forme in the Schoole of Policie,

to which Schollers sit fastned onely with painted chaines, old

Securities young wife is nere the further of with me.

Thereby lyes a tale sir. The old vsurer will be here

instantly, with my Puncke Syndefie, whome you know your

Lady has promist mee to entertaine for her Gentlewoman:

and he (with a purpose to feede on you) inuites you most so-

lemnly by me to supper.

It falls out excellently fitly: I see desire of gaine makes

Iealousie venturous:

See Francke here comes my Lady: Lord how she viewes thee,

she knowes thee not I thinke in this brauerie.

How now? who be you I pray?

One maister Frances Quickesiluer, an't please your La-

diship.

Gods my dignitie! as I am a Lady, if he did not make

me blush so that mine eyes stood awater, would I were unma-

ried againe:

See Madam, she now comes to attend you.

God saue my honourable Knight, and his worship-

full Lady.

Y' are very welcome! you must not put on your Hat yet.

No Madam; till I know your Ladiships further plea-

sure, I will not presume.

And is this a Gentlemans daughter new come out of

the countrie?

She is Madam; & one that her Father hath a speciall

care to bestowe in some honourable Ladies seruice, to put her

out of her honest humours forsooth, for she had a great de-

sire to be a Nun, an't please you.

A Nun? what Nun? a Nun Substantiue? or a Nun

Adiectiue?

A Nun Substantiue Madam I hope, if a Nun be a

Noune. But I meane, Lady, a vowd maide of that order.

Ile teach her to be a maide of the order I warrant

you: and can you doe any worke belongs to a Ladyes

Chamber?

What I cannot doe, Madam, I would bee glad to

learne.

Well said, hold vp then; hold vp your head I say, come

hether a little.

I thanke your Ladiship.

And harke you; Good man, you may put on your Hatt

now, I doe not looke on you: I must haue you of my faction

now; not of my Knights, maide.

No forsooth Madam of yours.

And draw all my seruants in my Bowe, and keepe my

counsell, and tell me tales, and put me Riddles and reade on a

booke sometimes when I am busie, and laugh at countrie

Gentlewomen, and command any thing in the house for my

reteiners, and care not what you spend, for it is all mine; and in

any case, be still a Maide what soeuer you doe, or whatsoeuer

any man can doe vnto you.

I warrant your Ladiship for that.

Very well, you shall ride in my coach with me into the

country to morrow morning; Come Knight, pray thee lets

make a short supper, and to bed presently.

Nay good Madam, this night I haue a short Supper

at home, waites on his worships acceptation.

By my faith but he shall not goe Sir; I shall swoune

and he sup from me.

Pray thee forbeare; shall he lose his prouision?

I by Lady Sir, rather then I lose my longing; come in I

fay: as I am a Lady you shall not goe.

I told him what a Burre he had gotten.

If you will not sup from your Knight Madam, let me

entreate your Ladiship to sup at my house with him.

No by my faith Sir, then we cannot be a bed soone en-

ough, after supper.

What a Medcine is this? well Maister Securitie, you

are new married as well as I; I hope you are bound as well:

we must honour our young wiues you know.

In pollicie Dad, till to morrow she has seald.

I hope in the morning yet your Knight-hood will

breake-fast with me.

As early as you will Sir.

Thanke your good worship; I do hunger and thirst

to do you good Sir.

Come sweete Knight come, I do hunger and thyrst to be

a bed with thee.

Thankes for our feastlike Breakefast good Maister Se-

curitie, I am sory, (by reason of my instant haste to so long a

voyage as Virginia,) I am without meanes, by any kinde

amends to show how affectionatly I take your kindnesse, and

to confirme by some worthy ceremonie a perpetuall league

of friendship betwixt vs.

Excellent Knight; let this be a token betwixt vs of

inuiolable friendship: I am new marryed to this fayre Gen-

tlewoman you know; & (by my hope to make her fruitefull

though I be something in yeares) I vowe faithfully vnto

you, to make you Godfather (though in your absence) to the

first childe I am blest withall; and henceforth call me Gossip

I beseech you, if you please to accept it.

In the highest degree of gratitude, my most wor-

thy Gossip; for confirmation of which friendly title, let

me entreate my faire Gossip your Wife here, to accept this

Diamond, and keepe it as my gift to her first Childe,

wheresoeuer my Fortune in euent of my Voyage shall be-

stowe me.

How now my coye wedlock! make you strange of

so Noble a fauour? take it I charge you, with all affection,

and (by way of taking your leaue) present boldly your lips

to our honourable Gossip.

How ventrous he is to him, and how iealous to

others!

Long may this kinde touch of our lippes Print in our

hearts al the formes of affection. And now my good Gos-

sip, if the writings be ready to which my wife should seale,

let them be brought this morning, before she takes Coache

into the countrie, and my kindnesse shall worke her to dis-

patche it.

The writings are ready Sir. My learned counsell

here, Maister Bramble, the Lawyer hath perusde them; and

within this houre, I will bring the Scriuenour with them to

your worshipfull Lady.

Good Maister Bramble, I will here take my leaue of

you then; God send you fortunate Pleas sir, and contentious

Clients.

And you foreright windes Sir, and a fortunate

voyage.

Sir Petronell, here are three or foure Gentlemen desire

to speake with you.

What are they?

They are your followers in this voyage Knight, Cap-

taineSeagull and his associates, I met them this morning, and

told them you would be here.

Let them enter I pray you, I know they long to bee

gone, for their stay is dangerous.

God saue my honourable Collonell.

Welcome good Captaine Seagull, and worthy Gentle-

men, if you will meete my friend Francke here, and me, at the

blew Anchor Tauerne by Billinsgate this Euening, we will

there drinke to our happy voyage, be merry, and take Boate

to our Ship with all expedition.

Deferre it no longer I beseech you Sir, but as your

voyage is hetherto carried closely, and in another Knights

name, so for your owne safetie and ours, let it be continued,

our meeting and speedy purpose of departing knowne to as

few as is possible, least your Ship and goods be attacht.

Well aduisd Captaine our Collonell shall haue money

this morning to dispatch all our departures, bring those

Gentlemen at night to the place appointed, and with our

skinnes full of vintage, weele take occasion by the vantage,

and away.

We will not faile but be there sir.

Good morrow good Captaine, and my worthy asso-

ciates. Health and all Soueraigntie to my beautifull gossip.

for you sir, we shall see you presently with the writings.

With writings and crownes to my honorable gossip:

I do hunger and thirst to doe you good sir.

Heer's a stirre when Cittizens ride out of Towne in-

deed, as if all the house were a fire; Slight they will not giue

a man leaue, to eat's breakfast afore he rises.

What Coachman? my Ladyes Coach for shame; her

ladiships ready to come downe;

Sfoote Hamlet; are you madde? whether run you

now you should brushe vp my olde Mistresse?

What Potkinn? you must put off your Tankerd, and

put on your blew cote and waite vpon Mistrisse Toochstone

into the country.

I will forsooth presently.

Come sweete Mistresse Gazer, lets watch here, and see

my Lady Flashe take coach.

A my word heer's a most fine place to stand in, did

you see the new Ship lancht last day Mistresse Fond.

O God, and we cittizens should loose such a sight?

I warrant, here will be double as many people to see her take coach, as there were to see it take water.

O shee's married to a most fine Castle 'ith' countrey

they say?

But there are no Gyants in the Castle, are there?

O no, they say her Knight kild' hem all and therefore

he was knighted.

Would to God her Ladiship would come away.

She comes, she comes, she comes.

Pray heauen blesse your Ladiship.

hanke you good people; my coach for the loue of

Heauen, my coach? in good truth I shall swoune else.

Coach? coach my Ladies coach.

As I am a Lady, I thinke I am with child already, I long

for a coach so; may one be with childe afore they are married

Mother?

Touch. I by'rladie Madam, a little thing does that; I

haue seene a little prick no bigger then a pins head, swell big-

ger and bigger, til it has come to an Ancome; & eene so tis in

these cases.

Your Coach is comming, Madam.

That's well said; Now heauen! me thinks, I am eene vp

to the knees in preferment;

But must this young man, an't please you Ma-

dam, run by your coach all the way a foote?

I by my faith I warrant him, he giues no other milke, as

I haue an other seruant does.

Ahlas! tis eene pittie me thinks; for Gods sake

Madam buy him but a Hobbie horse, let the poore youth haue

something betwixt his legges to ease 'hem; Ahlas! we must do

as we would be done too;

Goe too, hold your peace dame, you talke like an olde

foole I tell you.

Wilt thou be gone, sweete Honny suckle, before I can

goe with thee?

I pray thee sweete Knight let me; I do so long to dresse

vp thy castle afore thou com'st: But I marle how e my modest

Sister occupies her selfe this morning, that shee can not waite

on me to my Coach, as well as her mother!

Mary Madam, shee's married by this time to Pren-

tiseGoulding; your Father, and some one more, stole to Church

with 'hem, in all the haste, that the cold meat left at your wed-

ding, might serue to furnish their Nuptiall table.

There's no base fellowe, my Father, nowe: but hee's

eene fit to Father such a Daughter: he must call me daughter

no more now; but Madam; and please you Madam: and

please your worship Madam, indeede; out vpon him, marry

his daughter to a base Prentise?

What should one doe? is there no lawe for

one that marries a womans daughter against her will? howe

shall we punish him Madam.

As I am a Lady an't would snowe, wee'd so peble 'hem

with snowe bals as they come from Church; but sirra, Franck

I Madam.

Dost remember since thou and I clapt what d'ye'calts in

the Garrat?

I know not what you meane Madam.

Was there euer such a Lady?

See Madam, the Bride and Bridegrome:

Gods my precious! God giue you ioy Mistrisse What

lacke you. Now out vpon thee Baggage; my sister married in a

Taffeta Hat? Mary hang you; Westward with a waniõ te'yee.

Nay I haue done we ye Minion thē y'faith, neuer looke to haue

my countnance any more: nor any thing I can do for thee.

Thou ride in my Coach? or come downe to my Castle? fie

vpon thee: I charge thee in my Ladiships name, call me Sister

no more.

An't please your worship, this is not your Sister: This

is my daughter, and she call me Father, and so does not your

Ladiship an't please your worship Madam.

No nor she must not call thee Father by Heral-

drie, because thou mak'st thy Prentise thy Sonne as wel as she;

Ah thou misproude Prentise, dar'st thou presume to marry a

Ladies Sister?

It pleas'd my Master forsooth to embolden me with

his fauour: And though I confesse my selfe farre vnworthie so

worthy a wife (beeing in part, her seruant, as I am your Pren-

tise) yet (since I may say it without boasting) I am borne a

Gentleman, and by the Trade I haue learn'd of my Master

(which I trust taints not my blood) able with mine owne

Industrie and portion to maintaine your daughter, my hope

is, heauen will so blesse our humble beginning, that in the end

I shalbe no disgrace to the grace with which my Master hath

bound me his double Prentise.

Master me no more Sonne if thou think'st me wor-

thy to be thy father.

Sunne? Now good Lord how he shines and you marke

him! hee's a gentleman.

I indeede Madam, a Gentleman borne.

Neuer stand a'your Gentrye M. Bridgegrome: if your

legges be no better then your Armes, you'le be able to stand vp-

on neither shortly.

An't please your good worshippe Sir, there are two

sorts of Gentlemen.

What meane you Sir?

Bold to put off my hat to your worshippe.

Nay pray forbeare Sir, and then foorth with your two

sorts of Gentlemen.

f your worship will haue it so? I saye there are two

sorts of Gentlemen. There is a Gentleman Artificiall, and a

gentleman Naturall; Now, though your worship be a Gentle-

man Naturall: Worke vpon that now.

Well said olde Touchstone, I am proude to heare

thee enter a set speech yfaith, forth I beseech thee.

Cry you mercie Sir, your worship's a Gentleman. I

doe not know? if you bee one of my acquaintance y'are very

much disguisde Sir.

Go too old Quipper: forth with thy speech I say.

What Sir, my speeches were euer in vaine to your

gratious worship: And therefore till I speake to you gallantry

in deed, I will saue my breath for my broth anon. Come my

poore sonne and daughter; Let vs hide our selues in our poore

humilitie and liue safe: Ambition consumes it selfe, with the ve-

ry show. Worke vpon that now.

Let him goe, let him goe for Gods sake: let him make

his Prentise, his sonne for Gods sake: giue away his daughter

for Gods sake: and when they come a begging to vs for Gods

sake, let's laugh at their good husbandry for Gods sake. Fare-

well sweet Knight, pray thee make haste after.

What shall I say? I would not haue thee goe,

Tell truth Knight, and shame all dissembling Louers; does not

your paine lye on that side?

If it doe, canst thou tell me how I may cure it?

Excellent easily; diuide your selfe in two halfes, iust

by the girdlestead; send one halfe with your Lady, and keepe the

tother your selfe: or else doe as all true Louers doe, part with

your heart and leaue your bodie behinde: I haue seen't done a

hundred times: Tis as easie a matter for a Louer to part with-

out a heart from his sweete heart, and he nere the worse: as for a

Mouse to get from a Trappe and leaue her taile behinde him.

See here comes the Writings.

Good morrow to my worshipfull Ladie. I present

your Ladishippe with this writing; to which if you please to

set your hand, with your Knights, a veluet Gowne shall attend

your iourney a' my credite.

What Writing is it Knight?

The sale (sweete heart) of the poore Tenement I

tolde thee off, onely to make a little money to sende thee

downe furniture for my Castle, to which my hand shall lead

thee.

Farewell Francke, I would faine take thee downe if I

could.

I thanke your good Ladiship; Farewell Mistris

Syndifie.

Thinke what they list; They long'd for a vagarie in-

to the Countrie, and now they are fitted: So a woman marry to

ride in a Coach, she cares not if she ride to her Ruine; Tis the

great ende of many of their mariages: This is not first time a

Lady has ridde a false iournie in her Coach I hope.

Nay, tis no Matter, I care little what they thinke; hee

that wayes mens thoughts, has his handes full of nothing: A

man in the course of this worlde should bee like a Surgeons

instrument, worke in the woundes of others, and feele no-

thing himselfe. The sharper, and subtler, the better.

As it falles out nowe Knight, you shall not

neede to deuise excuses, or endure her out-cryes, when shee re-

turnes; wee shall now bee gone before, where they can not

reache vs.

Well my kinde Compere, you haue now Th' as-

surance we both can make you; let mee now entreate you, the

money wee agree'd on may bee brought to the Blewe An-

cor nere to Billings-gate, by Six a Clocke: where I and my

cheife friends, bound for this voyage, will with Feastes attend

you.

The money my most honorable Compere, shall with-

out fayle obserue your appointed howre.

But stay Franck, lets thinke how we may disguise her

vpon this sodaine.

Gods me there's the mischiefe; but harke you, here's

an excellent deuice; fore God a Rare one: I will carry her a

Saylers gowne and cap and couer her; & a players beard;

I tell you a Sailers Cap: slight God forgiue mee, what

kind of figent memorie haue you?

Tush man, for that, make her a sawcie sayler.

Tush tush tis no fit sawce for such sweete mutton; I

know not what t'aduise.

The best that euer shas.

Am I not borne to furnish Gentlemen?

O my deare Gossip!

Well hold Maister Francis, watch when the Lawyer's

out, and put it in; And now -- I will go fetch him.

O my Dad! he goes as twere the Deuill to fetch the

Lawyer; and deuill shall he be if hornes wil make him.

why how now Gossip, why stay you there musing?

A toye, a toy runns in my head yfaith.

A pox of that head, is there more toyes yet?

What is it pray thee Gossip?

Why Sir? what if you should slip away now with my

wiues best gowne, I hauing no securitie for it?

Come Drawer, pierce your neatest Hogsheades, & lets

haue cheare, not fit for your Billingsgate Tauerne; bnt for our

Virginian Colonel; he wilbe here instantly.

You shall haue all things fit sir; please you haue any

more Wine.

More wine Slaue? whether we drinke it or no,

spill it, and drawe more.

Fill all the pottes in your house with all sorts of licour,

and let 'hem waite on vs here like Souldiers in their Pewter,

coates; Aud though we doe not employe them now, yet wee

will maintaine 'hem, till we doe.

Said like an honourable Captaine; you shall haue

all you can command Sir.

Come boyes, Virginia longs till we share the rest of

her Maiden-head.

Why is she inhabited already with any English?

A whole Conntry of English is there man, bred of

those that were left there in 79. They haue married with the

Indians, and make 'hem bring forth as beautifull faces as any

we haue in England: and therefore the Indians are so in loue

with 'hem, that all the treasure they haue, they lay at their

feete.

But is there such treasure there Captaine, as I haue

heard?

I tell thee, Golde is more plentifull there then Cop-

per is with vs: and for as much redde Copper as I can bring,

Ile haue thrice the waight in Golde. Why man all their drip-

ping Pans and their Chamber pottes are pure Gold; and all

the Chaines, with which they chaine vp their streetes, are

massie Golde; all the Prisoners they take, are fetterd in

Gold: and for Rubies and Diamonds, they goe forth on

holydayes and gather 'hem by the Sea-shore, to hang on

their childrens Coates, and sticke in their Capps, as common-

ly as our children weare Saffron guilt Brooches, and groates

with hoales in 'hem.

And is it a pleasant Countrie withall?

As euer the Sunne shinde on: temperate and full of

all sorts of excellent viands; wilde Boare is as common

there, as our tamest Bacon is here: Venison, as Mutton.

And then you shall liue freely there, without Sargeants, or

Courtiers, or Lawyers, or Intelligencers. Then for your

meanes to aduancement, there, it is simple, and not preposte-

rously mixt: You may be an Alderman there, and neuer be

Scauinger; you may be any other officer, and neuer be a

Slaue. You may come to preferment enough, and neuer be a

Pandar. To Riches, and Forune inough and haue neuer the

more Villany, nor the lesse wit. Besides, there, we shall haue

no more Law then Conscience, and not too much of either;

serue God inough, eate and drinke inough, and inough is as

Gods me! and how farre is it thether?

Some six weekes sayle, no more, with any indifferent

good winde: And If I get to any part of the coaste of Affri-

ca, Ile saile thether with any winde. Or when I come to Cape

Finister, ther's a foreright winde continuall wafts vs till

we come at Virginia. See, our Collonell's come.

Well mette good Captaine Seagull, and my Noble

Gentlemen! Nowe the sweete houre of our freedome is at

hand.

Come Drawer. Fill vs some carowses; and prepare

vs for the mirth, that will be occasioned presently: Here

will be a prety wenche Gentlemen, that will beare vs com-

pany all our voyage.

Whatsoeuer she be; here's to her health Noble Colo-

nell, both with Cap and Knee.

Thankes kinde Captaine Seagull. Shee's one I

loue dearely; and must not bee knowne till wee bee free

from all that knowe vs: And so Gentlemen, heer's to her

health.

Let it come worthy Collonell, Wee doe hunger and

Afore heauen, you haue hitte the phrase of one

that her presence will touch, from the foote to the forehead,

if ye knew it.

Why then we wil ioyne his forehead, with her health,

sir: and Captaine Scapethrift, here's to 'hem both,

See, see, Maister Bramble; fore heauen their voyage

cannot but prosper, they are o'their knees for successe to it.

And they pray to God Bacchus.

God saue my braue Colonell with all his tall Cap-

taines and Corporalls; see sir, my worshipfull learned Coun-

saile, M. Bramble, is come to take his leaue of you.

Worshipfull M. Bramble, how farre doe you drawe vs

into the sweete bryer of your kindnesse? come Captain Seagull,

another health to this rare Bramble, that hath neuer a pricke

about him.

I pledge his most smooth disposition sir: come maister

Securitie, bend your supporters, and pleadge this notorious

health here.

Bend you yours likewise, M. Bramble, for it is you shal

pleadge me.

Not so, M. Securitie, hee must not pleadge his owne

health.

No Maister Captaine?

Why then here's one is fitly come to doe him that honour.

Here's the Gentlewoman your cosin sir, whom with

much entreatie I haue brought to take her leaue of you in a

Tauerne; asham'd whereof, you must pardon her if she put not

off her Maske.

Pardon mee sweete Cosen, my kinde desire to see you

before I went, made mee so importunate to entreat your pre-

sence here.

How now M. Frances? haue you honour'd this pre-

sence with a faire Gentlewoman?

Pray sir, take you no notice of her, for she will not be

knowne to you.

But my learn'd Counsaile, M. Bramble here, I hope

may know her.

No more then you sir, at this time, his learning must

pardon her.

Well, God pardon her for my part, and I doe Ile bee

sworne; and so Maister Francis, here's to all that are going

Eastward to night, towardes Cuckolds hauen; and so to the

health of Maister Bramble.

I pledge it Sir, hath it gone rounde, Captaines?

It has sweet Franck, and the rounde closes with thee.

Wel Sir, here's to al Eastward & toward Cuckolds, &

so to famouse Cuckolds hauen so fatally remembred.

Surgit.

Nay pray thee Cuz weepe not; Gossip Securitie?

I my braue Gossip.

A word I beseech you Sir; our friende, Mistresse Bram-

ble here, is so dissolu'd in teares, that shee drownes the whole

mirth of our meeting: sweete Gossip, take her aside and com-

fort her.

Pittie of all true loue, Mistresse Bramble, what weepe

you to enioy your loue? whats the cause Ladie? ist because

your husband is so neere, and your heart earnes, to haue a litle

abus'd him? Ahlas, Ahlas, the offence is too common to be re-

spected; So great a grace, hath seldome chanc'd to so unthank-

full a woman; to be rid of an old ielous Dotard; to enioy the

armes, of a louing young Knight; that when your prick-lesse

Bramble is withered with griefe of your losse, will make you

floorish a fresh in the Bed of a Ladie.

Sir Petronell, here's one of your water men come to

tell you, it wilbe flood these three houres; and that t'will bee

dangerous going against the Tyde: for the skie is ouer cast, &

there was a Porcpisce, euen now seene at Londõ bridge, which

is alwaies the messenger of tempests, he sayes.

A Porcpisce? whats that to th'purpose? charge him if he

oue his life to attend vs: can we not reach Blacke wall (where

my ship lyes) against the tide, and in spight of Tempests? Cap-

taines and Gentlemen, wee'll begin a new ceremony at the be-

ginning of our voyage, which I beleeue will be followd of all

future aduenturers.

Whats that good Colonell?

This, Captaine Seagull; wee'll haue our prouided Supper

brought a bord Sir Francis Drakes Ship, that hath compast the

world: where with full Cupps, and Banquets we wil doe sacri-

fice for a prosperous voyage. My minde giues me that some

good Spirits of the waters should haunt the desart ribs of her;

and be auspicious to all that honour her memorie, and will

with like Orgies, enter their voyages.

Rarely conceipted; one health more to this motion,

& aboard to performe it. He that wil not this night be drunke,

may he neuer be Sober.

Sir Petronell and his honourable Captaines, in these

young seruices, we olde Seruitors may bee spard: We onely

came to take our leaues, and with one health to you all, Ile be

bold to do so. Here neighbour Securitie, to the health of Sir

Petronell, and all his Captaines.

You must bend then Maister Bramble; So, now I am

for you: I haue one corner of my braine, I hope, fit to beare

one carouse more. Here Lady, to you that are encompast

there, & are asham'd of our company. Ha ha, ha, by my troth,

(my learn'd counsaile Maister Bramble) my minde runnes so

of Cuckolds hauen to night, that my Head runnes ouer with

admiration.

But is not that your wife, Neighbour?

No by my troth Maister Bramble; ha, ha, ha, a Pox of

all Cuckolds-hauens I say.

A'my faith, her garments are exceeding like your

Cucullus non facit Monachum, my learn'd Counsaile;

all are not Cuckolds that seeme so, nor all seeme not that are

so. Giue me your hand, my learn'd Counsaile, you and I will

Supp some where else, then at Sir Frances Drakes Shipp to

night. Adue my Noble Gossip.

Good Fortune braue Captaines; faire skies God

send yee.

Farewell my harts, farewell.

Gossip, laugh no more at Cuckolds-hauen Gossip.

I haue done, I haue done Sir, will you leade Maister

Bramble? ha, ha, ha.

Captaine Seagull, charge a boate.

A Boate, a boate, a boate.

Y' are in a proper taking indeed to take a Boate, espe-

pecially at this time of night, and against Tide and Tempest;

They say yet, drunken men neuer take harme; this night will

trie the truth of that Prouerbe.

What Winnie? Wife, I say? out of dores at this time!

where should I seeke the Gad-flye? Billingsgate, Billingsgate,

Billingsgate. Shee's gone with the Knight, shee's gone with

the Knight; woe be to thee Billingsgate. A boate, a boate, a

boate, a full hunderd Markes for a boate.

All haile, faire Hauen of married men onely, for there

are none but married men Cuckolds. For my part, I presume

not to arriue here, but in my Maisters behalfe, (a poore But-

cher of East-cheape) who sends me to set vp (in honour

of Saint Luke) these necessarie Ensignes of his homage:

And vp I got this morning, thus early, to get vp to the toppe

of this famous Tree, that is all fruite and no leaues, to ad-

uance this Crest of my Maisters occupation. Vp then,

Heauen and Saint Luke blesse me, that I be not blowne into

the Thames as I clime, with this furious Tempest; Slight, I

thinke the Deuill be abroade, in likenesse of a storme, to rob

me of my Hornes: Harke how he roares. Lord! what a coyle

the Thames keepes! she beares some vniust burthen I beleeue,

that she kicks and curuets thus to cast it: Heauen blesse all

honest passengers, that are vpon her back now, for the Bitte

is out of her mouth I see, and shee will runne away with

'hem. So, so, I thinke I haue made it looke the right way, it

runnes against London Bridge (as it were) euen full butt.

And now, let mee discouer from this loftie prospect, what

pranckes the rude Thames playes in her desperate lunacie. O

me, here's a Boate has beene cast away hard by. Alas, alas, See

one of her passengers, labouring for his life, to land at this Ha-

uen here; pray heauen he may recouer it: His next land is euẽ

iust vnder me; hold out yet a little: whatsoeuer thou art, pray,

and take a good heart to thee. Tis a man, take a mans heart

to thee; yet a little further, get vp a thy legges man: now, tis

shallowe enough. So, so, so! Alas, hee's downe againe; hold thy

winde Father: tis a man in a Night-cappe. So! now hee's got vp

againe: now hee's past the worst: yet thankes be to heauen; he

comes toward me pretie and strongly.

Heauen, I beseech thee, how haue I offended thee!

where am I cast a shore nowe, that I may goe a righter way

home by land? Let me see. O I am scarce able to looke about

me! where is there any Sea-marke that I am acquainted withall?

Looke vp Father, are you acquainted with this Marke?

What! landed at Cuckolds hauen? Hell and damnation.

I will runne backe and drowne my selfe.

Poore man how weake hee is! the weake water ha's

washt away his strength.

Landed at Cuckolds hauen? if it had not bin to die twentie

times a liue, I should neuer haue scapt death: I will neuer arise

more: I will grouell here and eate durt till I be choak't: I will

make the gentle earth doe that, which the cruell water ha's

denied me.

Alas good father, be not so desperate; Rise man: if you

will, Ile come presently and lead you home.

Home? shall I make any know my Home, that has

knowne me thus abrode? how lowe shall I crouch away, that no

eye may see mee? I will creepe on the earth while I liue, and

neuer looke heauen in the face more.

What yong Planet raignes now troe, that olde men are

so foolish? What desperate yong Swaggerer would haue bin a-

broad such a wether as this, vpon the water? Ay me, see a nother

remnant of this vnfortunate ship-wrack! or some other. A wo-

man! yfaith, a woman, though it be almost at S. Kath'rins, I dis-

cerne it to be a woman for al her bodie is aboue the water, & her

clothes swim about her most handsomely. O they beare her vp

most brauely! has not a woman reason to loue the taking vp of

her cloathes the better while she liues, for this? Alas, how busie

the rude Thames is about her? A pox a'that waue. It wil drowne

her, yfaith, twill drowne her. Crye God mercie, shee has scapt

it! I thanke heauen she has scapt it. O, how she swimmes like a

Mermaide! some vigilant body looke out, and saue her. That's

well said, iust where the Priest fell in, there's one sets downe a

Ladder, and goes to take her vp: Gods bleffing a thy heart boy,

now take her vp in thy armes and to bedde with her. Shee's vp,

shee's vp! Shee's a beautifull woman I warrant her, the Billowes

durst not deuoure her.

How fare you now Lady?

Much better, my good friende then I wishe: as one

desperate of her Fame, now my Life is preseru'd.

Comfort your selfe; That power that preserued you

from death: can likewise defend you from infamie, howsoeuer

you deserue it. Were not you one that tooke Bote, late this night,

with a Knight, and other Gentlemen at Billings-gate?

Vnhappy that I am, I was.

I am glad it was my good happe to come downe thus

farre after you, to a house of my friends heere in S. Kath'rines,

since I am now happily made a meane to your rescue, from the

ruthlesse tempest; which (when you tooke Bote) was so ex-

treame, and the Gentleman that brought you forth, so despe-

rate and vnsober, that I fear'd long ere this I should heare of

your ship-wracke, and therefore (with little other reason) made

thus farre this way: And this I must tell you, since perhappes

you may make vse of it, there was left behinde you at our Ta-

uerne, brought by a Porter (hyr'd by the yong Gentleman that

brought you) a Gentle womans Gowne, Hat, Stockings, and

Shooes; which if they be yours, and you please to shift you, ta-

king a hard bed here, in this house of my friend, I will presently

goe fetch you.

Thanks my good friend, for your more then good

newes. The Gowne with all things bounde with it are

myne; which if you please to fetch as you haue promist, I will

bouldly receiue the kinde fauour you haue offered, till your re-

turne: intreating you, by all the good you haue done in preser-

uing me hitherto, to let none take knowledge of what fauour

you doe me, or where such a one as I am bestowed, lest you in-

curre mee much more damage in my fame, then you haue done

me pleasure in preseruing my life.

Come in Lady, and shift your selfe; resolue, that no-

thing, but your owne pleasure, shall bee vsde in your discouery.

Thanke you good friende: the time may come, I shall

requite you.

See, see, see! I hold my life, there's some other a taking

vp at Wapping, now! Looke, what a sort of people cluster about

the Gallows there! in good troth it is so. O me! a fine yong

Gentleman! What? and taken vp at the Gallowes? Heauen

graunt he be not one day taken downe there: A, my life it is

ominous. Well, hee is deliuered for the time, I see the people

haue all left him; yet will I keepe my prospect a while, to see if

any more haue bin shipwrackt.

Zounds Captaine, I tell thee, we are cast vp o'the Coast of

France, Sfoote, I am not drunke still, (I hope?) Dost remember

where we were last Night?

No by my troth Knight, not I. but me thinkes wee haue

bin a horrible while vpon the water, and in the water.

Aye me we are vndone for euer: hast any money about

Not a pennie by heauen.

Not a pennie betwixt vs, and cast a shore in France?

Faith I cannot tell that; my braines, nor mine eyes are not

mine owne, yet.

Sfoote wilt not beleeue me? I know't by th' eleuation of

the Pole; and by the altitude and latitude of the Climate. See!

hers comes a coople of French Gentlemen; I knew we were in

France: dost thou think our Englishmen are so Frenchyfied, that

a man knowes not whether he be in France, or in England, whẽ

he sees 'hem? What shal we doe? we must eene to 'hem, and in-

treat some reliefe of 'hem: Life is sweete, and we haue no other

meanes to relieue our liues now, but their Charities;

Pray you, do you beg on 'hem thẽ, you can speak French.

Monsieur, plaist il d' auoir pitie de nostre grand infortunes? Ie-

suis vn poure Cheualier D'Angleterre qui a souffrit infortune de

Naufrage.

Vn poure Cheualier D'Angliterre?

Oui Monsieur, il est trop vraye; mais vous scaues bien nous so-

mes toutes subiect a fortune.

A poore Knight of England? a poore Knight of

Windsore, are you not? Why speake you this broken French,

when y'are a whole English man? on what coaste are you,

thinke you?

on the coast of France, sir.

On the cost of Doggs Sir: Y'are ith' Ile a Doggs I tell

you. I see y'aue bene washt in the Thames here, & I beleeue ye

were drownd in a Tauerne before, or els you would neuer haue

tooke boate in such a dawning as this was. Farewel, farewel, we

wil not know you for shaming of you. I ken the man weel, hee's

one of my thirty pound Knights.

No no, this is he that stole his knighthood o'the grand

day, for foure pound giuing to a Page, all the money in's purse

I wot well.

Death, Collonell, I knew you were ouer shot.

Sure I thinke now indeede, Captaine Seagull, we were

something ouershot.

What! my sweete Franck Quicksiluer! dost thou surviue to re-

ioyce me? But what? no bodie at thy heels, Franck? Ay me, what

is become of poore Mistresse Securitie.

Faith gone quite from her Name, as she is from her

Fame I thinke; I left her to the mercie of the water.

Let her goe, let her goe: let vs go to our ship at Black-

wall and shift vs.

Nay by my troth, let our clothes rotte vpon vs, and let

vs rotte in them: twentie to one our Ship is attacht by this

time? if we set her not vnder Saile this last Tide, I neuer lookt

for any other. Woe, woe is me, what shall become of vs? the

last money we could make, the greedy Thams has deuourde;

and if our Ship be attach't, there is no hope can relieue vs.

Sfoote Knight, what an vn-knightly faintnesse tran-

sports thee? let our Ship sinck, and all the world thats with-

out vs be taken from vs, I hope I haue some tricks, in this

braine of mine, shall not let vs perish.

Well said Francke yfaith. O my nimble-spirited Quick-

siluer, Foregod, would thou hadst beene our Colonell.

I like his spirit rarely, but I see no meanes he has to

support that spirit.

Go to Knight, I haue more meanes then thou art a-

ware off: I haue not liu'd amongst Gould-smiths and Gould-

makers all this while, but I haue learned something worthy of

my time with 'hem. And, not to let thee stinck where thou

standst, Knight, Ile let thee know some of my skill presently.

Doe good Francke I beseech thee.

I will blanche Copper so cunningly, that it shall en-

dure all proofes, but the Test: it shall endure malleation, it shal

haue the ponderositie of Luna, and the tenacitie of Luna , by

no meanes friable.

Slight, where learn'st thou these tearmes, tro?

Tush Knight, the tearmes of this Arte, euery ignorant

Quack-saluer is perfect in: but Ile tell you how your selfe shal

blanche Copper thus cunningly. Take Arsnicke, otherwise

called Realga, (which indeede is plaine Ratsbane) Sublime

hem three or foure times, then take the Sublimate of this Re-

alga, and put 'hem into a Glasse, into Chymia, & let 'hem haue

a conuenient decoction Naturall, foure and twentie houres, &

he will become perfectly fixt: Then take this fied powder,

& proiect him vpon wel-purgd Copper, et habebis Magisteriñ.

Excellent Francke, let vs hugge thee.

Nay this I will do besides; Ile take you off twelue

pence from euery Angell, with a kind of Aquafortis, and neuer

deface any part of the Image.

But then it will want weight?

You shall restore that thus: Take your sal Achyme

prepar'd, and your distild Vrine; and let your Angels lie in it

but foure and twenty howres, and they shall haue their perfect

weight againe: come on now, I hope this is enough to put some

spirit into the liuers of you, Ile infuse more an other time. We

haue saluted the proud Ayre long enough with our bare skon-

ces, now will I haue you to a wenches house of mine at Lon-

don, there make shift to shift vs, and after take such fortunes

as the stars shal assigne vs.

Notable Franck! we will euer adore thee.

Nowe sweete friende you haue brought me nere e-

nough your Tauerne, which I desired that I might with some

colour be seene neare, enquiring for my husband; who I must

tel you stale thither last night with my wet gowne we haue left

at your friends: which, to continue your former honest kind-

nes, let me pray you to keepe close from the knowledge of any;

and so, with all vow of your requitall, let me now entreate you

to leaue me to my womans wit, and fortune.

All shall be done you desire; and so, all the fortune

you can wish for, attend you.

I wil once more to this vnhappy Tauerne before I shift

one ragge of me more, that I may there know what is left be-

hind, and what newes of their passengers. I haue bought me a

Hat and band with the little money I had about me, and made

the streets a litle leaue staring at my night-cap.

O my deare husband! where haue you bin to night? al

night abroade at Tauernes? rob me of my garments? and fare

as one run away from me? Ahlas! is this seemely for a man of

your credit? of your age? and affection to your wife?

What should I say? how miraculously sorts this? was

not I at home, and cald thee last night?

Yes Sir, the harmelesse sleepe you broke, and my an-

swer to you would haue witnest it, if you had had the pacience

to haue staid and answered me; but your so sodaine retreate,

made me imagine you were gone to Maister Brambles, and

so rested patient, and hopefull of your comming againe, till this

your vnbeleeued absence brought me abroade with no lesse

then wonder, to seeke you, where the false Knight had car-

ried you.

Villaine, and Monster that I was, howe haue I abus'd

thee, I was sodainly gone indeede! for my sodaine ielousie

transferred me. I will say no more but this deare wife I sus-

pected thee.

Did you suspect me?

Talke not of it I beseech thee, I am ashamed to imagine

it; I will home, I will home, and euery morning on my knees

aske thee hartely forgiuenes.

Nowe will I descend my honourable Prospect; the farthiest

seeing Sea marke of the World: Noe maruaile then if I could

see two miles about me. I hope the redde Tempests anger be

nowe ouer blowne, which sure I thinke Heauen sent as a pu-

nishment, for prophaning holy Saint Lukes memorie, with so

ridiculous a custome. Thou dishonest Satyre, farewel to honest

married Men; Farewel, to all sorts, and degrees of thee. Fare-

wel thou horne of hũger that calst th' Inns a court to their Man-

ger; Farewel thou horne of aboundãce, that adornest the heads-

men of the Common-wealth; Farewell thou horne of Dire-

ction, that is the Cittie Lanthorne; Farewell thou Horne

of Pleasure, the Ensigne of the huntsman; Farewell thou

Horne of Destinie, th'ensigne of the married man; Farewell

thou Horne Tree that bearest nothing but Stone fruite

Ha Sirah! Thinkes my Knight Aduenturer we can

no point of our compasse? Doe wee not knowe North-north-

east? North-east and by East? East and by North! nor plaine

Eastward? Ha? haue we neuer heard of Virginia? nor, the Ca-

ualleria? not the Colonoria? Can we discouer no discoueries?

well, mine errant Sir Flash, and my runnagate Quicksiluer, you

may drinke dronke, crack cannes, hurle away a browne dozen

of Monmouth Capps or so, in sea-ceremonie to your boon voy-

age but for reaching any Coast saue the coast of Kent; or Essex,

and Vice-admirall, and Rere-admirall, were they al (as they are)

but one Pinnace, and vnder saile, as wel as a Remora, doubt it not;

and from this Sconce, without eyther pouder or shot. worke vpon

that now. Nay, and you'll shew trickes, wee'l vie with you, a little.

My Daughter, his Lady, was sent Eastward, by land, to a Castle

of his, i'the ayre (in what region I knowe not) and (as I heare)

was glad to take vp her lodging in her Coach, she and her two

waiting women, her maide, and her mother, like three Snailes

in a shell, and the Coachman a top on 'hem, I thinke. Since they

haue all found the way back againe by weeping Crosse. But ile

not see 'hem. And for two on 'hem, Madam, and her Malkin, they

are like to bite o' the bridle for William, as the poore horses haue

done al this while that hurried 'hem, or else go graze o'the cõ-

mon: So should my Dame Touchstone too, but she has bene my

Crosse these thirty yeares, and ile now keepe her, to fright away

sprights; Ifaith. I wonder I heare no news of my sonne Goulding!

He was sent for to the Guild-hall, this Morning betimes, and I

maruaile at the matter, if I had not layd vp Comfort, & hope in

him, I should grow desperate of al. See, He is come I'my thought!

How now Sonne? what newes at the Court of Aldermen?

Troth Sir, an Accident somewhat strange, els it hath

litle in it worth the reporting.

What? It is not borrowing of money then?

No sir it hath pleasd the worshipful Commoners of the

citty, to take me one i'their number at presentation of the in-

Ha!

And the Alderman of the warde wherein I dwel, to ap-

pointme his Deputy————

In which place, I haue had an oath ministred me, since I

Now my deare, & happy Sonne! let we kisse thy new

worship, & a litle boast mine own happines in thee: What a for-

tune was it (or rather my iudgment indeed) for me, first to see that

in his disposition, which a whole Citty so conspires to second?

Tane into the Liuory of his cõpany, the first day of his freedōe?

now (not a weeke maried) chosen Commoner? and Aldermans

Deputie in a day? note but the reward of a thrifty course. The

wõder of his Time! Wel, I wil honour M. Alderman, for this act,

(as becomes me) & shall think the better of the cõmon Councels

wisdõe, & worship, while I liue, for thus meeting, or but cõming

after me in the opinion of his desert. Forward, my sufficient

Sonne, and as this is the first, so esteeme it the least step, to that

high and prime honour that expects thee.

Sir, as I was not ambitious of this, so I couet no high-

er place; it hath dignity enough, if it will but saue me from

contempt: and I had rather my bearing, in this, or any other

office, should adde worth to it; then the Place giue the least

opinion to me

Excellently spoken: This modest Answer of thine

blushes, as if it said, I will weare Scarlet shortly. Worshipfull

Sonne! I cannot containe my selfe, I must tell thee, I hope to

see thee one o'the Monuments of our Citty, and reckon'd a-

mong her worthies, to be remembred the same day with the

Lady Ramsey, and graue Gresham: when the famous fable of

Whittington, and his Pusse, shalbe forgotten, and thou and thy

Actes become the Posies for Hospitals, when thy name shall

be written vpon Conduits, and thy deeds plaid i'thy life time,

by the best companies of Actors, and be call'd their Get-peny.

This I diuine. This I Prophecie.

Sir, engage not your expectation farder, then my abi-

lities will answere: I that know mine owne strengths, feare

'hem; and there is so seldome a losse in promising the least,

that commonly it brings with it a welcome deceipt. I haue

other newes for you Sir.

None more welcome, I am sure?

They haue their degree of welcome, I dare affirme.

The Colonell, and all his company, this morning putting forth

drunke from Belinsgate, had like to haue been cast away o'this

side Greenwich: and (as I haue intelligence, by a false Brother,)

are come dropping to towne, like so many Masterlesse men,

i'their doublets and hose, without Hatte, or Cloake, or any

other————

A miracle! the Iustice of Heauen! where are they?

lets goe presently and lay for 'hem.

I haue done that already Sir, both by Constables, and

other officers, who shall take 'hem at their old Anchor; and

with lesse tumult, or suspition, then if your selfe were seene in't:

vnder coulour of a great Presse, that is now abroad, and they

shall here be brought afore me.

Prudent, & politique sonne! Disgrace 'hem all that

euer thou canst; their Ship I haue already arrested. How to

my wish it falls out, that thou hast the place of a Iusticer vpon

'hem! I am partly glad of the iniury done to me, that thou

maist punish it. Be seuere i'thy place, like a new officer o'the

first quarter, vnreflected: you heare how our Lady is come

back with her traine, from the inuisible Castle?

No, where is she?

Within, but I ha' not seene her yet, nor her mother;

who now begins to wish her daughter vndub'd, they say, and

that she had walkd a foot-pase with her sister. Here they

come, stand back.

God saue your Ladiship; 'saue your good Ladiship: your

Ladiship is welcome from your inchanted Castell; so are your

beautious Retinew. I heare your Knight errant is trauayld on

strange aduentures: Surely in my minde, your Ladiship hath

fish'd faire, and caught a Frog, as the saying is.

Speake to your Father, Madam, & kneele downe.

Kneele? I hope I am not brought so low yet: though

my Knight be run away, & has sold my land, I am a Lady, stil.

Your Ladiship says true, Madam, & it is fitter, and a

greater decorum, that I should curtsie to you, that are a knights

wife, and a Lady, then you be brought a'your knees to me,

who am a poore Cullion, and your Father.

Law! my Father knowes his duty.

O child!

And therefore I doe desire your Ladiship, my good

Lady Flash, in all humility, to depart my obscure Cottage, and

returne in quest of your bright, and most transparent Castell,

how euer presently conceald to mortall eyes. And as for one

poore woman of your traine here, I will take that order, she

shall no longer be a charge vnto you, nor helpe to spend your

Ladiship; she shall stay at home with me, and not goe abroad,

not put you to the pawning of an odde Coach-horse, or three

wheeles, but take part with the Touchstone: If we lacke, we wil

not complaine to your Ladiship. And so good Madam, with

your Damoselle here, please you to let vs see your straight

backs, in equipage; for truly, here is no roust for such Chickens

as you are, or birds o' your feather, if it like your Ladiship.

Mary, fyste o'your kindnesse. I thought as much.

Come away Sinne, we shall assoone get a fart from a dead

man, as a farthing of court'sie here.

O, good Sister!

Sister, sir reuerence? come away, I say, Hunger drops

out at his nose.

O Madam, Faire words neuer hurt the tongue.

How say you by that? you come out with your golde

Stay Lady-daughter: good husband.

Wife, no man loues his fetters, be they made of gold:

I list not ha' my head fastned vnder my childs girdle; as she

has brew'd, so let her drinke, a Gods name: she went witlesse

to wedding, now she may goe wisely a begging It's but hony-

Moone yet with her Ladiship; she has Coach horses, Appa-

rell, Iewels yet left, she needs care for no friends, nor take

knowledge of Father, Mother, Brother, Sister, or any body:

When those are pawn'd, or spent, perhaps we shall returne in-

to, the list of her acquaintance.

I scorne it ifaith. Come Sinne.

O Madam, why do you prouoke your Father, thus?

Nay, nay, eene let Pride goe afore, Shame wil follow

after, I warrant you. Come, why doost thou weepe now? thou

art not the first good Cow hast had an ill Calfe, I trust. What's

the newes, with that fellow?

Sir, the Knight, and your man Quickesiluer are with-

out, will you ha 'hem brought in?

O by any meanes. And Sonne, here's a Chaire; ap-

peare terrible vnto 'hem, on the first enter view. Let them be-

hold the melancholy of a Magistrate, and taste the fury of a

Citizen in office.

Why Sir, I can do nothing to 'hem, except you charge

'hem with somwhat.

I will charge 'hem, and recharge 'hem, rather then

Authority should want foyle to set it of.

No good Sir, I will not.

Sonne, it is your place; by any meanes.

Beleeue it, I will not Sir.

How Misfortune pursues vs still in our misery!

Would it had beene my fortune, to haue beene trust

vp at Wapping, rather then euer ha' come here.

Or mine, to haue famisht in the Iland.

Must Goulding sit vpon vs?

You might carry an M. vnder your girdle to Mai-

ster Deputis worship.

What are those, maister Constable?

And't please your worship, a couple of Maisterlesse

men, I prest for the Low-countries, Sir.

Why do you not cary 'hem to Bridewell, according to

your order, they may be shipt away?

An't please your Worship, one of 'hem sayes he is a

Knight; and we thought good to shew him to your worship,

for our discharge.

Which is he?

This Sir.

And what's the other?

A Knights Fellow Sir, an't please you.

What? a Knight, and his Fellow thus accoutred?

Where are their Hattes, and Feathers, their Rapiers, and their

Cloakes?

O they mock vs.

Nay truely sir, they had cast both their Feathers, and

Hattes too, before wee see 'hem. Here's all their furniture, an't

please you, that we found. They say, Knights are now to be

knowne without Feathers, like Cockrels by their Spurres, Sir.

What are their names, say they?

Very well this. He should not take knowledge of

'hem in his place, indeeed.

How!

Is't possible? I thought your Worship had beene

gone for Virginia, Sir. You are welcome home sir, Your Wor-

ship has made a quick returne, it seemes, and no doubt a good

voyage. Nay pray you be couer'd Sir. How did your Bisquet

hold out Sir? Me thought, I had seene this Gentlemen afore;

good Maister Quickesiluer! How a degree to the Southward

has chang'd you.

Do you know them Father? Forbeare your offers a

litle, you shall be heard anon.

Yes, Maister Deputy: I had a small venture with

them in the voyage, a Thing, cald a Sonne in Lawe, or so.

Officers, you may let' hem stand alone, they will not runne

away, Ile giue my word for them. A couple of very ho-

nest Gentlemen. One of 'hem was my Prentise, M. Quicksiluer,

here, & whẽ he had 2. yeare to serue, kept his whore, & his hun-

ting Nag, would play his 100. pound at Gresco, or Primero, as fa-

miliarly (& al a'my purse) as any bright peice of Crimson on

'hem all, had his changable trunks of Apparel, standing at

liuery, with his Mare, his Chest of perfumd linnen, and his Ba-

thing Tubbs, which whẽ I told him off, why he— he was a Gen-

tleman and I a poore Cheapeside Groome. The remedie was,

we must part. Since when he hath had the gift of gathering vp

some small parcels of mine, to the value of 500. pound disperst

among my customers to furnish this his Virginian vẽture; wher-

in this knight was the chiefe, sir Flash: one that married a daugh-

ter of mine, Ladefied her, turn'd two thousand poundes worth

of good land of hers, into Cash, within the first weeke, bought

her a new Gowne, & a Coach, sent her to seeke her fortune by

land, whilst himselfe prepared for his fortune by sea, tooke in

fresh flesh at Belingsgate, for his owne diet, to serue him the

whole voyage, the wife of a certaine vsurer, cald Securitie, who

hath bene the broker for 'hem in all this businesse: Please Mai-

ster Deputy, Worke vpon that now.

If my worshipfull Father haue ended.

I haue, it shall please M. Deputy.

Well then, vnder correction.——

Now sonne, come ouer 'hem with some fine guird, as

thus, Knight you shall be encountred, that is, had to the Counter;

or Quicksiluer, I will put you in a crucible or so.

Sir Petronell Flash, I am sory to see such flashes as

these proceede from a Gentleman of your Quality, & Rancke;

For mine own part, I could wish, I could say, I could not see thē:

but such is the misery of Magistrates, and men in Place, that

they must not winke at Offenders. Take him aside, I wil heare

you anone sir.

I like this wel yet: there's some grace i' the knight, left, He

Francis Quick-siluer, would God thou hadst turnd

Quack-saluer, rather then run into these dissolute, & lewd cour-

ses; It is great pitty, thou art a proper yong man, of an honest

and cleane face, some what neere a good one, (God hath done

his part in thee) but, thou haste made too much, and beene to

proud of that face, with the rest of thy body; for maintenance of

which in neate and garish attire, (onely to be look'd vpon by

some light houswifes) thou hast prodigally consumed much of

thy Masters estate: and being by him gently admonish'd, at

seueral times, hast returnd thy selfe haughty, and rebellious, in

thine answers, thundring out vnciuill comparisons, requiting al

his kindnes with a course and harsh behauiour, neuer returning

thanks for any one benefit, but receiuing all, as if they had bin

Debts to thee, & no Courtesies. I must tel thee Francis, these are

manifest signes of an ill nature; and God doth often punish such

pride, and outrecuidance, with scorne and infamy, which is the

worst of misfortune. My worshipfull father, what do you please

to charge them withall? from the presse I wil free 'hem Maister

Constable.

Then ile leaue your worship, Sir.

No, you may stay, there will be other matters against

Sir I do charge this Gallant, Maister Quicksiluer, on

suspicion of Felony; and the Knight as being accessary, in the

receipt of my goods.

O God Sir!

Hold thy peace impudẽt varlot, hold thy peace. With

what forehead or face, dost thou offer to choppe Logick with me,

hauing run such a race of Riot, as thou hast done? Do's not the

sight of this worshipful mans fortune & temper, confound thee,

that was thy yonger fellow in houshold, and now come to haue

the place of a Iudge vpon thee? Dost not obserue this? Which

of al thy Gallants, & Gãsters, thy Swearers & thy Swaggerers,

will come now to mone thy misfortune, or pitty thy penurie?

They'le looke out at a window, as thou rid'st in triumph to Ti-

borne, and crye, yonder goes honest Franck, mad Quicksiluer;

He was a free boone companion, when hee had money, sayes

one; Hang him foole, saies another, he could not keeepe it when

he had it; A pox o' the Culliõ his M^r. (sais a third) he has brought

him to this: when their Pox of pleasure, & their piles of perditi-

on, would haue bene better bestowed vpon thee, that hast ven-

tred for 'hem with the best, and by the clew of thy knauery,

brought thy selfe weeping, to the Cart of Calamity.

Worshipfull Maister.

Offer not to speake, Crocodile, I will not heare a

sound come from thee. Thou hast learnt to whine at the Play

yonder. Maister Deputy, pray yon commit 'hem both to safe

custody, till I be able farther to charge 'hem.

O me, what an infortunate thing am I!

Will you not take security Sir.

Yes mary will I sir Flash, if I can find him, & charge

him as deepe as the best on you. He has beene the plotter of

all this: he is your Inginer, I heare. Maister Deputy, you'll dis-

pose of these? In the meane time, Ile to my Lo. Mayor, & get his

warrant, to seize that Serpent Securitie into my hands, & seale

vp both house, and goods, to the Kings vse, or my satisfaction.

Officers take 'hem to the Counter.

Nay on, on: you see the issue of your Sloth. Of Sloth

commeth Pleasure, of Pleasure commeth Riot, of Ryot comes

Whoring, of Whoring comes Spending, of Spending comes

Want, of Want comes Theft, of Theft comes Hanging; and

there is my Quickesiluer fixt.