AD LECTOREM.
Nasutum volo, nolo polyposum.
Præludium.
Enter three of the Children.
1.
PRay you away; why Children? Gods so[unclear]: what doe you
meane?
2.
Mary that you shall not speake the Prologue Sir
3.
Why? do you hope to speake it?
2.
I, & I thinke I haue most right to it; I am sure I studied it first.
3.
Thats all one, if the Author thinke I can speake it better.
1.
I plead possession of the Cloake: Gentles, your suffrages for
Gods sake.
Within.
Why Children, are you not ashamd? come in there.
3.
'Slid, Ile play nothing i'the Play: vnlesse I speake it.
1.
Why? will you stand to most voyces of the Gentlemen? let that
decide it.
3.
O no Sir Gallant; you presume to haue the start of vs there, and
that makes you offer so bountifully.
1.
No, would I were whipt, if I had any such thought; trye it by
Lots eyther.
2.
Faith, I dare tempt my Fortune in a greater venter then this.
3.
Well said resolute Iack: I am Content too; so we draw first.
make the Cuts.
1.
But will you not snatch my Cloake while f am stooping?
3.
No, we scorne trechery.
2.
Which Cut shall speake it?
3.
The shortest.
1.
Agreed: Draw. — The shortest is come to the shortest.
Fortune was not altogether blind in this: Now Children, I hope I shall
go forward without your Enuy.
2.
A spight of all mischeiuous lucke: I was once plucking at the
other.
3.
Stay Iack: 'Slid Ile do somewhat now afore I goe in, though it
be nothing but to reuenge my selfe of the Author; since I speake not his
Prologue. Ile goe tell all the Argument of his Play aforehand, and so
stale his Inuention to the Auditory before it come foorth.
1.
O do not so.
2.
By no meanes.
At the breaches in this speech following,
the other two Boyes interrupt him.
3.
First the Title of his Play is CYNTHIAS Reuels, as
any man (that hath hope to be sau'd by his Booke) can witnesse; the
Scene, GARGAPHIA: Which I do vehemently suspect for some
Fustian Countrey; but let that vanish. Here is the Court of Cynthia;
Whither he brings Cupid (trauailing on foote) resolu'd to turne Page:
By the way Cupid meetes with Mercury, (as that's a thing to be no-
ted, take any of our Play-bookes without a Cupid, or a Mercury in it,
and burne it for an Heretique in Poetry) — Pray thee let me alone:
Mercurie, he, (in the nature of a Coniurer) rayses vp Echo: who weepes
ouer her Loue, or Daffodill Narcissus, a little; sings; cursses the Spring
wherein the pretty foolish Gentleman melted himselfe away: and ther's
an end of her — Now, I am to informe you, that Cupid, andMercu-
rydo both become Pages: Cupid attends on Philautia, or Selfe-loue,
a Court-Lady: Mercury followes Hedon the voluptuous Courtier;
one that rankes himselfe euen with Anaides, or the impudent Gallant,
(and, that's my part:) a Fellow that keepes* Laughter the daughter of
* Folly (a wenche in Boyes attire) to wayte on him—These, in the
Court, meete with Amorphus, or the Deformed, a Trauailer that hath
drunke of the Fountaine, and there tels the wonders of the Water; they
presently dispatch away their Pages with Bottles to fetch of it, and them-
selues goe to visit the Ladyes: But I should haue tolde you—Looke,
these Emets put me out here: that with this Amorphus, there comes
along a Citizens heire, Asotus, or the Prodigall, who (in Imitation of
the Traueller, that hath the* Whetstone, following him) entertaines
the*Begger, to be his Attendant.—Now the Nymphes, who are
Mistresses, to these Gallants, are Philautia, Selfe-loue; Phantaste,
A light Wittinesse; Argurion, Money; and their Guardian, Mo-
ther Moria; or Mistresse Folly.—
2
Pray thee no more.
3.
There Cupid strikes Money in loue with the Prodigall;
makes her doate vpon him, giue him Iewels, Bracelets, Carkanets, & c.
all which (he most ingeniously) departs withall, to be made knowne to
the other Ladyes, and Gallants; and in the heate of this, encreases his
traine with the* Foole to follow him, as well as the Begger—By
this time your Begger begins to waite close, who is return'd with the
rest of his fellow Bottle-men—There they all drinke saueArguri-
on, who is falne into a sodaine Apoplexy—
1.
Stop his mouth.
3.
And then there's a retir'dScholler there, you would not
wish a thing to be better contemn'd of a Society of Gallants, then it is:
and be applyes his sernice (good Gentleman) to the Lady Arete, or
Virtue, a poore Nymph of Cynthias traine, that's scarce able to buy
her selfe a Gowne, you shall see her play in a Blacke Roabe anone: A
Creature, that (I assure you) is no lesse scorn'd, then himselfe, Where
am I now? at a stand?
2.
Come, leaue at last yet.
3.
O, the Night is come, ('twas somwhat darke, me thought)
and Cynthia intends to come foorth: That helpes it a little yet. All
the Courtiers must prouide for Reuels; they conclude vpon a Masque,
the deuise of which, is—what will you rauish me? that each of these
Vices, beeing to appeare before Cynthia, would seeme other then
indeed they are: and therefore assume the most neighbouringVir-
tuesas their masquing Habites—I'ld crye a Rape but that you are
Children.
2.
Come, weele haue no more of this Anticipation; to giue them
the Inuentory of their Cates aforehand, were the discipline of aTa-
uerne, and not fitting this Presence.
1.
Tut, this was but to shew vs the happinesse of his Memory;
I thought at first hee would haue playde the Ignorant Critique
with euery thing along as hee had gone; I expected some such De-
uise.
3.
O you shall see me do that rarely; lend me thy Cloake.
1.
Soft Sir, you'le speake my Prologue in it?
3.
No, would I might neuer stirre then.
2.
Lend it him, lend it him:
1.
Well, you haue sworne?
.3
I haue. Now Sir; suppose I am one of your Gentile Audi-
tors, that am come in (hauing paide my money at the Doore with
much adoe) and here I take my place, and sit downe: I haue my three
sorts of Tabacco, in my Pocket, my Light by me; and thus I Begin.
By Gods so, I wonder that any man is so madde, to come to see these
raskally Tits play here—They doe act like so many Wrens orPis-
mires—not the fifth part of a good Face amongst them all—And
then their Musique is abhominable—able to stretch a mans Eares
worse, then ten—Pillories, and their Ditties—most lamentable
things, like the pittifull Fellowes that make them—Poets. By Gods
lid, and'twere not for Tabacco—I thinke—the very stench of
'hem would poyson me, I should not dare to come in at their Gates—
A man were better visit fifteene Iayles—or a dozen or two of
Hospitals—then once aduenture to come neare them. How is't?
well?
1.
Excellent; giue me my Cloake.
3.
Stay; you shall see me do another now: but a more sober, or
better-gather'd Gallant; that is (as it may be thought) some Friend,
or well-wisher to the House: And here I Enter.
1.
What? vpon the Stage too?
2.
Yes: and I step foorth like one of the Children, and aske
you; Would you haue Stoole Sir?
3.
A Stoole Boy?
2.
I Sir, if you'le giue me sixe Pence, I'le fetch you one.
.3
For what I pray thee? What shall I doe with it?
2.
O God Sir! will you betraye your Ignorance so much?
why, throne your selfe in state on the Stage, as other Gentlemen vse
Sir.
3.
Away Wag: what wouldst thou make an Implement
of me? Slid the Boy takes me for a peice of Prospectiue (I holde my
life) or some silke Curtine, come to hang the Stage here: Sir Cracke
I am none of your fresh Pictures, that vse to beautifie the decay'd dead
Arras, in a publique Theater.
2.
Tis a signe Sir, you put not that Confidence in your good
Clothes, and your better Face, that a Gentleman should do Sir. But I
pray you Sir, let me be a Sutor to you, that you will quit our Stage then,
and take a Place, the Play is instantly to begin.
3.
Most willingly my good wag: but I would speake with
your Author, wheres he?
2.
Not this way, I assure you Sir, we are not so officiously be-
friended by him, as to haue his Presence in the Tiring-house, to
prompt vs aloud, stampe at the Booke-holder, sweare for ourPro-
perties, cursse the poore Tire-man, rayle the Musique out of tune, and
sweat for euery veniall trespasse we commit, as some Author would, if
he had such fine Ingles as we: well, 'tis but our hard Fortune.
3.
Nay Crack be not dishartned.
2.
Not I Sir: but if you please to conferre with our Author by
Attorney, you may Sir: our proper selfe here stands for him.
3.
Troth, I haue no such serious affayre to negotiate with him;
but what may very safely be turn'd vpon thy trust: It is in the gene-
rall behalfe of this fayre Society here, that I am to speake; at least the
more iudicious part of it: which seemes much distasted with the im-
modest and obscene writing of many, in their Playes. Besides, they could
wish, your Poets would leaue to be Promooters of other mens Iests;
and to way-lay all the stale Apophthegmes, or old Bookes, they can
heare of (in Print or otherwise) to farce their Scenes withall: That they
would not so penuriously gleane wit, from euery Landresse, orHack-
ney-man; or deriue their best grace (with seruile Imitation) from
Cõmon Stages, or Obseruation of the Company, they conuerse with;
as if their Inuention liu'd wholy vpon another mans Trencher. A-
gaine; that feeding their friends with nothing of their owne, but what
they haue twise, or thrise Cook'd) they should not wantonly giue out, how
soone they had drest it; nor how many Coaches came to cary away the
broken-meate, besides Hobby-horses and Foote[unclear]-cloth Nags.
2.
So Sir, this is all the Reformation you seeke?
3.
It is: do not you thinke it necessary to be practisd, my little
wag?
2.
Yes; where there is any such ill-habited Custome receiu'd.
3.
O, I had almost forgot it too: they say, the Vmbræ, or Ghosts
of some three or foure Playes, departed a dozen yeares since, haue been
seene walking on your Stage here; Take heed Boy, if your House be
haunted with such Hob-goblins, 'twill fright away all yourSpec-
tatorsquickly.
2.
Good Sir. But what will you say now, if a Poet (vntoucht with
any breath of this disease) finde Gods Tokens vpon you, that are of
the Auditory? As some one Ciuet-Wit among you, that knowes no o-
ther Learning, then the price of Satten and Veluets; nor other Per-
fection, then the wearing of a Neate Sute; & yet will censure as despe-
rately as the most profest Critique in the house: presuming, hisCloa-
thesshould beare him out in't. Another (whome it hath pleasdNa-
tureto furnish with more Beard, then Brayne) prunes his Mustaccio;
lispes; and (with some score of affected Oathes) sweares downe all that sit
about him; That the olde Hieronimo, (as it was first acted) was
the onely best, and Iudiciously-pend Play, of Europe. A thirde
great-bellied Iugler talkes of twenty yeares since, and when Monsieur
was here; and would enforce all Witte to be of that fashion, because
his Doublet is still so. A fourth mis-calles all by the name ofFu-
stian, that his grounded Capacity cannot aspire too. A fifth only
shakes his Bottle Head, and out of his Corky Braine, squeezeth out
a pittifull-learned Face, and is silent.
3.
By my Faith, Iack, you haue put me downe: I would I knew
how to get off with any indifferent Grace: Here take your Cloake, and
promise some satisfaction in your Prologue, or (Ile be sworne) we haue
[unclear: m]ard all.
2.
Tut feare not Sall: this will neuer distaste a true Sence. Be not
out, and good inough: I would thou hadst some Sugar Candyed, to
sweeten thy Mouth.
Prologus.
IF gratious silence, sweete Attention,
Quick sight, and quicker apprehension,
(The lights of iudgmẽts throne) shine any wher;
Our doubtful author hopes, this it their Sphære
And therefore opens he himselfe to those.
To other weaker Beames, his labors close;
As loathe to prostitute their virgin straine,
To euery vulgar, and adulterate braine.
In this alone, his Muse her sweetnesse hath,
She shuns the print of any beaten path;
And prooues new wayes to come to learned eares:
Pied ignorance she neither loues, nor feares.
Nor hunts she after popular applause,
Or fomy praise, that drops from common Iawes;
The garland that she weares, their hands must twine,
Who can both censure, vnderstand, define
What Merrit is: Then cast those piercing rayes,
Round as a crowne, insteed of honor'd Bayes,
About his Poesie; which (he knowes) affoords,
Words aboue Action: matter, aboue wordes.
Exit.
Actus Primus, Scena prima.
Cupid. Mercurie.
WHo goes there?
Mer.
Tis I, blinde Archer.
Cup.
Who? Mercurie?
Mer.
I.
Cup.
Farewell.
Mer.
Stay Cupid.
Cup.
Not in your company Hermes, ex-
cept your hands were riueted at your backe.
Mer.
Why so my little Rouer?
Cup.
Because I know, you ha' not a finger, but is as long as
my quiuer, (cousin Mercurie,) when you please to extend it.
Mer.
Whence deriue you this speach Boy?
Cup.
O! tis your best policie to be Ignorant: you did neuer
steale Mars his sworde out of the sheath; you? nor Neptunes
Trident; nor Apolloes Bowe; no, not you? Alasse your palmes
(Iupiter knowes) they are as tender as the foote of a foundred
Nag, or a Ladies face new Mercuried; theyle touch nothing.
Mer.
Go to (Infant) youle be daring still.
Cup.
Daring? O Ianus, what a word is there? why my light
fether-heeld Cousse, what are you, any more then my vncle
Ioues Pandar, a Lackey that runs on errands for him, and can
whisper a light message to a loose wenche with some round
volubility, waite at a table with a Trencher, and warble vpon a
Crow de a little; One that sweepes the Gods drinking roome
euery morning, and sets the Cushions in order againe which
they threw one at anothers head ouernight? Heere's the Cata-
logue of all your Imploiments now. O no, I erre: you haue the
Marshalling of all the Ghostes too, that passe the Stigian ferry;
and I suspect you for a share with the olde Sculler there, if the
truth were knowne; but let that scape: one other peculiar ver-
tue you possesse, in lifting or Lieger-du-maine (which few of the
house of Heauen haue else besides) I must confesse; But (me
thinks) that should not make you set such an extream distance
twixt your selfe and others, that we should be said too ouer-
dare in speaking to your nimble Deity: So Hercules might
challenge a priority of vs both, because he can throw the Barre
farther, or lift more Ioyndstooles at the armes end then we. If
this might carry it; then we (who haue made the whole body
of Diuinity tremble at the twange of our Bowe, and inforste
Saturnius himselfe to lay) by his curld front, Thunder, and three
forkd-fiers, and put on a Masking sute, too light for a reueller
of eighteene to be seene in—
Mercu.
How now my dancing Braggart in Decimo sexto?
charme your skipping toung, or Ile—
Cup.
What? vse the vertue of your Snakie Tipstaffe there
vpon vs?
Mer.
No Boy, but the stretcht vigor of mine arme about
your eares; you haue forgot since I tooke your heeles vp into
ayre, (on the very hower I was borne) in sight of all the
benche of Deities, when the siluer roofe of the Olympian
Pallace rung againe with the applause of the fact.
Cup.
O no, I remember it freshly, and by a particular in-
stance; for my mother Venus(at the same time) but stoupt to
imbrace you, and (to speake by Metaphore) you borrowed a
Girdle of hers, as you did Ioues Scepter (while he was laugh-
ing) and would haue doone his thunder too, but that, twas too
hote for your itching fingers.
Mer.
Tis well sir.
Cup.
I heard you but lookt in at Vulcans Forge the other
day, and intreated a paire of his newe Tongs along with you
for company: Tis ioy on you (I faith) that you will keepe
your hook'd tallons in practise with any thing. Slight, now
you are on earth, we shall haue you filche Spoones and Candle-
sticks rather then faile: pray Ioue the perfum'd Courtiers keepe
their Casting-bottles, Pick-toothes, and Shittle-cockes from you,
or our more ordinary Gallants their Tabaco-boxes, for I am
strangely iealous of your nayles.
Mer.
Nere trust me Cupid, but you are turnd a most acute
gallant of late, the edge of my wit is cleere taken off with the
fine and subtile stroake of your thin-ground toung, you fight
with too poinant a phrase, for me to deale with.
Cup.
O Hermes, your craft cannot make me confident, I know
my owne steele to be almost spent, and therefore intreate my
peace with you in time: you are too cunning for me to in-
counter at length, and I thinke it my safest warde to close.
Mer.
Well for once, Ile suffer you to come within me wag,
but vse not these straines too often, theile stretch my patience.
Whether might you marche now?
Cup.
Faith (to recouer thy good thoughts) Ile discouer my
whole proiect. The Huntresse and queene of these groues,
Diana (in regarde of some black and enuious slaunders howerly
breathd against her for her deuine iustice on Acteon as shee
pretẽds) hath here in the vale of Gargaphy proclaimd a solemne
reuels, which she will grace with the full and royall expence
of one of her cleerest moones: In which time it shall be lawfull
for all sorts of ingenuous persons, to visite her pallace, to court
her Nimphes, to exercise all varietie of generous and noble pa-
stimes, as well to intimate how farre she treads such malitious
imputations beneath her, as also to shew how cleere her beau-
ties are from the least wrinckle of Austerity, they may be
chardgd with.
Mer.
But what is all this to Cupid?
Cup.
Here do I meane to put off the title of a God, and take
the habite of a Page, in which disguise (during the Interim of
these reuels) I will get to follow some one of Dianas maides,
where (if my bowe holde, and my shafts flye but with halfe
the willingnesse and ayme they are directed) I doubt not but
I shall really redeeme the minutes I haue lost by their so long
and ouer-nice proscription of my Deity, from their court.
Mer.
Pursue it (diuine Cupid) it will be rare.
Cup.
But will Hermes second me.
Mer.
I am now to put in act an especiall designement from
my father Ioue, but that performd, I am for any fresh action
that offers it selfe.
Cup.
Well then we part.
Exit.
Mer.
Farewell good wag,
Now to my charge, Eccho, faire Eccho speake,
Tis Mercurie that calles thee; forrowfull Nimphe:
Salute me with thy repercussiue voyce,
That I may know what cauerne of the earth,
Containes thy ayery spirit: how, or where,
I may direct my speech, that thou maist heare.
SCENA. 2.
Echo, Mercury.
Echo.
Here.
Mer.
So nigh.
Echo.
I.
Mer.
Know (gentle soule) then, I am sent from Ioue,
Who (pittying the sad burthen of thy woes,
Still growing on thee, in thy want of wordes,
To vent thy passion for Narcissus death)
Commaunds that now (after three thousand yeares,
Which haue bin excercisde in Iunoes spight,)
Thou take a corporall figure and ascend,
Enricht with vocall, and articulate power,
Make haste sad Nymph: thrise doth my winged rod,
Strike th'obsequious earth to giue thee way,
Arise, and speake thy sorrowes, Eccho rise,
Heere, by this Fountaine where thy loue did pine,
Whose memory liues fresh to vulgar fame,
Shrin'd in this yellow flower, that beares his name
Ech.
His name reuiues and lists me vp from earth.
O which way shall I first conuert my selfe?
Or in what moode shall I assay to speake,
That (in a moment) I may be deliuered,
Of the prodigio[unclear: n]s griefe I go with all?
See, see, the morning fount whose spring weepes yet,
Th'vntimely fate of that too-beauteous boy,
That Trophæe of selfe loue, and spoile of nature,
Who (now transformd into this drooping flower)
Hangs the repentant head, back, from the streame;
As if it wish'd: Would I had neuer lookt,
In such a flattering mirror. O Narcissus,
Thou that wast once (and yet art) my Narcissus,
Had Eccho but beene priuate with thy thoughtes,
She would haue dropt away her selfe in teares,
Till she had all turn'd water; that in her,
(As in a truer glasse) thou mighst haue gaz'd,
And seene thy beauties by more kinde reflection:
But Selfe loue neuer yet could looke on trueth,
but with blear'd beames; Sli[unclear: e]ke flatterie and she:
Are twin-borne sisters, and so mixe their eyes,
As if you seuer one, the other dies.
Why did the Gods giue thee a heauenly forme,
And earthy thoughtes to make thee proude of it?
Why do I aske? tis now the knowne disease
That beautie hath, to beare to deepe a sence,
Of her owne selfe-conceiued excellence.
O hadst thou knowne the worth of heauens rich guift,
Thou would'st haue turn'd it to a truer vse,
And not (with leane and couetous ignorance)
Pin'd in continuall eying that bright Gem,
The glance whereof to others had bine more,
Then to thy famisht minde the wide worldes store;
[unclear: ”]So wretched is it to be meerely ritch:
Witnes thy youths deare sweetes, here spent vntasted;
Like a faire Taper, with his owne flame wasted.
Mer.
Eccho be briefe, Saturnia is abroad;
And if she heare, sheele storme at Ioues high will:
Eccho.
I will (kinde Mercury) be briefe as time,
Vouchsafe me I may do him these last Rites,
But kisse his flower, and sing some mourning straine:
Ouer his watry hearse.
Mer.
Thou dost obtaine,
I were no sonne to Ioue shoulde I denie thee;
Beginne, and (more to grace thy cunning voyce)
The humourous ayre shall mixe her solemne tunes,
With thy sad wordes: strike Musique from the spheares,
And with your golden raptures swell our eares.
SLow, Slow Fresh fount, keepe time with my salt teares;
yet slower, yet, o faintly gentle springs;
List to the heauy part the Musique beares,
”Woe weepes out her diuision when she sings;
Droope hearbes, and flowers,
fall griefe in showers;
”Our beauties are not ours:
O I could still
(Like melting snow vpon some craggy hill,)
drop, drop, drop, drop,
Since Natures pride, is now a wither'd Daffadill.
Mer.
Now ha' you done?
Eccho.
Done presently (good Hermes) bide a little;
Suffer my thirsty eye to gaze a while,
But eene to tast the place, and I am vanisht:
Mer.
Forgoe thy vse and libertie of tongue,
And thou maist dwell on earth, and sport thee there;
Eccho.
Here young Acteon fell, pursu'd, and torne
By Cynthias wrath (more egar then his houndes;)
And here, (ay me the place is fatall) see,
The weeping Niobe, translated hether
From Phrygian mountaines: and by Phœbe rear'd
As the proude Trophæe of her sharpe reuenge.
Mer.
Nay but here.
Ech.
But here, oh here, the Fountaine of self loue:
In which Latona, and her carelesse Nimphes,
(Regardles of my sorrowes) bath themselues,
In hourely pleasures.
Mer.
Stint thy babling tongue;
Fond Echo, thou prophanst the grace is done thee:
So idle worldlings (meerely made of voyce:)
Censure the powers aboue them. Come away,
Ioue calls thee hence, and his will brookes no stay.
Ech.
O stay: I haue but one poore thought to clothe,
In ayery garments and then (faith) I go:
Henceforth, thou treacherous, and murthering spring,
Be euer cald the Fountaine of selfe loue:
And with thy water let this curse remaine,
(As an inseperate plague) that who but tastes,
A droppe thereof, may (with the instant touch)
Grow dotingly enamour'd on themselues.
Now Hermes I haue finish'd.
Mer.
Then thy speach,
Must here forsake thee Echo, and thy voyce:
(As it was wount) rebound but the last wordes, Fare well.
Echo.
Well.
Exit.
Now Cupid I am for you, and your mirth,
To make me light before I leaue the earth.
SCENA. 3.
Amorphus. Echo. Mercury.
Amo.
Deare sparke of beauty make not so fast away:
Echo.
Away.
Mer.
Stay let me obserue this portent yet.
Amo.
I am neither your Minotaure, nor your Centaure, nor
your Satyre, nor your Hyæna, nor your Babion, but your meere
traueler, beleeue me:
Echo.
Leaue me.
Mer.
I gest it should be some trauelling Motion pursu'de
Eccho so.
Amo.
Know you from whom you flye? or whence?
Echo.
Hence.
Exit.
Amo.
This is somewhat aboue strange: a Nimphe of her
feature and lineament to be so preposterously rude; well; I
will but coole my selfe at yon' Spring and follow her.
Mer.
Nay then I am familiar with the issue; Ile leaue you
too.
Amo.
I am a Rhinoceros, if I had thought a creature of her
Symmetry would haue dard so improportionable and abrupte
a digression. Liberall and deuine Founte, suffer my prophane
hand to take of thy bounties. By the puritie of my taste, heere
is most Ambrosiack water; I will sup of it againe. By thy fauor
sweete Founte. See, the water (a more running, subtile, and hu-
morous Nimphe then shee) permits me to touche, and handle
her: what should I inferre? If my behauiours had beene of a
cheape, or customary garbe; my Accent, or phrase, vulgar;
my Garmẽts trite; my Countenance illiterate; or vnpractized in the
encounter of a beautifull and braue-attirde Peice, then I might
(with some change of coullor) haue suspected my faculties: but
(knowing my selfe an Essence so sublimated, and refin'de by
Trauaile; of so studied, and well exercisde a gesture; so alone
in fashion, able to make the face of any States-man liuing, and
to speake the meere extraction of language; One that hath
now made the sixth returne vpon venter; and was your first
that euer enricht his countrey with the true laws of the Duello;
whose Optiques haue drunke the spirit of beauty, in some eight
score and eighteene Princes Courts, where I haue resi-
ded, and bin there fortunate in the Amours of three hundred,
fortie, and fiue Ladies (all nobly discended) whose names I haue
in Catalogue: to conclude; in all so happy, as euen Admiration
her selfe dooth seeme to fasten her kisses vpon me: Certes I do
neither see, nor feele, nor taste, nor sauor, the least steame, or
fume of a reason, that should inuite this foolish fastidious
Nymph so peeuishly to abandon me: well let the memory of
her fleete into Ayre; my thoughts and I am for this other Ele-
ment, water.
SCENA. 4.
Criticus. Asotus. Amorphus.
Crit.
What? the well-dieted Amorphus become a Water-
drinker? I see he meanes not to write verses then.
Asot.
No Criticus? why?
Crit.
Quia nulla placere diu, nec viuere carmina possunt, quæ scri-
buntur aquæ potoribus.
Amor.
What say you to your Helicon?
Crit.
O, the Muses, well! that's euer excepted.
Amor.
Sir, your Muses haue no such water I assure you;
your Nectar, or the Iuice of your Nepenthe is nothing to it; tis
aboue your Metheglin, beleeue it.
Asot.
Metheglin! what's that Sir? may I be so Audacious
to demaund?
Amo.
A kinde of Greeke Wine I haue met with Sir in my
Trauailes: it is the same that Demosthenes vsually drunke, in the
composure of all his exquisite and Mellifluous Orations.
Crit.
That's to be argued, (Amorphus) if wee may credit
Lucian, who in his (Encomium Demosthenis) affirmes, he neuer
drunke but water in any of his Compositions.
Amo.
Lucian is absurde, he knew nothing: I will beleeue
my owne Trauels, before all the Lucians of Europe; he doth feed
you with fictions, and leasings.
Crit.
Indeed (I thinke) next a Traueller he do's prettily well.
Amo.
I assure you it was Wine, I haue tasted it, and from
the hand of an Italian Antiquary, who deriues it authentical-
ly from the Duke of Ferrara's Bottles. How name you the
Gentleman you are in ranke with there, Sir?
Crit.
Tis Asotus, sonne to the late deceased Thilargyrus
the Cittizen.
Amorphus.
Was his Father of any eminent place, or
meanes?
Crit.
He was to haue bin Prætor next yeare.
Amo.
Ha! A pretty formall young Gallant (in good
soothe) pitty, hee is not more gentilely propagated. Hearke
you Criticus: you may say to him what I am, if you please;
though I affect not popularity, yet I would be lothe to stand
out to any, whome you shall voutchsafe to call friend.
Crit.
Sir, I feare I may doe wrong to your sufficiencies in
the reporting them, by forgetting or misplacing some one;
your selfe can best enforme him of your selfe Sir, except you
had some Catalogue or Inuentory of your faculties readye
drawne, which you would request me to shew him for you,
and him to take notice of.
Amo.
This Criticus is sower: I will thinke Sir.
Crit.
Doe so Sir. O heauen, that any thing (in the likenesse
of man) should suffer these rackt extremities, for the vttring of
his Sophisticate good parts.
Asot.
Criticus, I haue a sute to you; but you must not de-
nie me: pray you make this Gentleman and I friends.
Crit.
Friends! Why? is there any difference betweene you?
Asotus.
No: I meane acquaintance, to knowe one ano-
ther.
Crit.
O now I apprehend you; your phrase was without
me before.
Asot.
In good faith hee's a most excellent rare man I
warrant him.
Crit.
Slight, they are mutually enamor'd by this time.
Asot.
Will you sweete Criticus?
Crit.
Yes, yes.
Asot.
Nay, but when? youle deferre it now, and forget
it?
Crit.
Why, ist a thing of such present necessity, that it re-
quires so violent a dispatch?
Asot.
No, but (would I might neuer stir) hee's a most rauish-
ing man; good Criticus you shall end eare me to you, in good
faith law.
Crit.
Well your longing shalbe satisfied Sir.
Asot.
And withall, you may tell him what my father was, and
how well he left me, and that I am his heire.
Crit.
Leaue it to me, Ile forget none of your deare graces I
warrant you.
Asot,
Nay I know you can better marshall these affaires then
I can.— O Gods il'e giue all the world (if I had it) for aboun-
dance of such acquaintance.
Crit.
What ridiculous circumstance might I deuise now, to
bestow this reciprocall brace of Cockscombes, one vpon ano-
ther?
Amor.
Since I troad on this side the Alpes, I was not so fro-
zen in my inuention; let me see: to accost him with some choise
remnant of Spanish, or Italian? that would indifferently ex-
presse my languages now, mary then, if he should fall out to be
Ignorant, it were both hard, and harshe. How else? step into
some discourse of State, and so make my induction? that were
aboue him too; and out of his element I feare Faine to haue seen
him in Venice? or Padua? or some face neare his in simillitude?
tis too pointed, and open. No; it must be a more queint, & col-
laterall deuise: As—stay; to frame some encomiastique speach
vpon this our Metropolis, or the wise Magistrates thereof, in
which pollitique number, tis ods but his father fild vp a rome?
descend into a perticuler admiration of their Iustice; for the due
measuring of Coales, burning of Cans, and such like? As also
their religion, in pulling downe a superstitious Crosse, and ad-
uancing a Venus; or Priapus, in place of it? ha? twill do well. Or
to talke of some Hospitall, whose walls record his father a BE-
NEFACTOR? or of so many Buckets bestowd on his parish
church in his life time, with his name at length (for want of
armes) trickt vpon them; Any of these? or to praise the cleanesse
of the streete wherein he dwelt, or the prouident painting of
his posts against he should haue beene Pretor, or (leauing his
parent) come to some speciall ornament about him selfe, as his
Rapier, or some other of his accoutrements? I haue it: Thankes
gracious Minerua.
Asot.
Would I had but once spoke to him, and then—
Amor.
Tis a most curious and neatly-wrought band this
same, as I haue seene Sir.
Asot.
O God Sir.
Amor.
You forgiue the humor of mine eye in obseruing it?
Asot.
O Lord Sir, there needs no such Apology I assure you.
Crit.
I am anticipated: theyle make a solemne deade of guift
of themselues you shall see.
Amor
Your Rose too do's most grace-fully in troath.
Asot.
Tis the most gentile and receiu'd Weare now Sir.
Amor.
Beleeue me Sir (I speake it not to humour you) I haue
not seene a young gentleman (generally) put on his cloathes
with more iudgement.
Asot.
O, tis your pleasure to say so, Sir.
Amor.
No, as I am vertuous (being altogether vntrauel'd) it
strikes me into wonder.
Asot.
I do purpose to trauell (Sir) at Spring[unclear]
Amor.
I thinke I shall affect you sir, this last speach of yours
hath begun to make you deare to me.
Asot.
O God Sir, I would there were any thing in me Sir, that
might appeare worthy the least worthines of your woorth Sir,
I protest Sir, I should endeuour to shew it Sir, with more then
common regarde Sir.
Crit.
O heres rare Motley, Sir.
Amor.
Both your desert, and your endeuors are plentifull,
suspect them not: but your sweete disposition to trauaile (I
assure you) hath made you another My-selfe in mine eye, and
strooke me enamour'd on your beauties.
Asot.
I would I were the fairest Lady of Fraunce for your
sake Sir, and yet I would trauaile too.
Amor.
O you should digrefse from your selfe els: for (beleeue
it) your Trauaile is your onely thing that rectifies, or (as the Ita-
lian sayes)vi rendi pronto all' Attioni makes you fit for Action.
Asot.
I thinke it be great charge though Sir.
Amor.
Charge? why tis nothing for a gentleman that goes
priuate, as your selfe, or so; my Intelligence shall quitt my
charge at all times: Good faith this Hat hath possest mine eye
exceedingly; tis so prettie, and fantastique; what? ist a Beauer.
Asot.
I Sir. Ile assure you tis a Beauer, it cost me six crownes
but this morning.
Amor.
A very prettie fashion (beleene me) and a most nouel
kinde of trimme: your Button is conceipted too.
Asot.
Sir, it is all at your seruice.
Amor.
O pardon me.
Asot.
I beseech you Sir, if you please to weare it you shall
do me a most infinite grace.
Crit.
Slight, will he be praisde out of his cloathes?
Asot.
By heauen Sir, I do not offer it you after the Italian
manner; I would you should conceiue so of me.
Amor.
Sir, I shall feare to appeare rude in denying your cur-
tesies, especially being inuited by so proper a distinction; may
I pray your name Sir.
Asot.
My name is Asotus Sir.
Amor.
I take your loue (gentle Asotus) but let me winne
you to receiue this in exchange. --
Crit.
'Hart, theile change dublets anone.
Amor.
And (from this time) esteeme your selfe in the first
ranke of those few whom I professe to loue; what make you in
company of this scholler here? I will bring you knowne to
gallants as Anaides, Hedon the courtier, and others, whose so-
cietie shall render you grac'de, and respected; this is a triuiall
fellow, too meane, too coarse for you to conuerse with.
Asot.
Slid, this is not worth a crowne, and mine cost me six
but this morning.
Crit.
I lookt when he would repent him, he ha's begunne to
be sad a good while.
Amor.
Sir, shall I say to you for that Hat? be not so sad,
be not so sad; tis a Relique I could not so easily haue departed
with, but as the Hierogliphick of my affection; you shall alter it
to what forme you please, it will take any block; I haue varied
it my selfe to the three thousandth time, and not so few: It
hath these vertues beside; your head shall not ake vnder it; nor
your braine leaue you, without licence; It will preserue your
complexion to eternitie; for no beame of the Sunne(should
you weare it vnder Zona Torrida) hath force to approch it by
two ells. Tis proofe against thunder, and enchantment: and
was giuen me by a great man (in Russia) as an especially-priz'd
present; and constantly affirm'd to be the hat that acompanied
the politique Vlisses, in his tedious, and ten yeares Trauailes.
Asot.
By Ioue I will not depart withall, whosoeuer woulde
giue me a Million.
SCENA. 5.
Cos. Prosaites. Criticus. Amorphus. Asotus.
Cos.
Saue you sweete bloods: do's any of you want a creature,
or a dependant?
Crit.
Be-shrow me a fine blunt slaue.
Amor.
A page of good timber; it will now be my grace to
entertaine him first, though I casheere him againe in priuate
: how art thou call'd?
Cos.
Cos Sir, Cos.
Crit.
Cos? How happely hath Fortune furnisht him with a
Whetstone?
Amor.
I do entertaine you Cos: conceale your quality till
we be priuate; if your parts be worthy of me, I wil countenance
you; if not, catechize you; Gentles shall we go?
Asot.
Stay Sir; ile but entertaine this other fellow, and then—
I haue a great humour to tast of this water too, but ile come a-
gaine alone for that—marke the place; whats your name, youth?
Pros.
Prosaites Sir.
Asot.
Prosaites? A very fine name Criticus? ist not?
Crit.
Yes, and a very ancient Sir, the Begger;
Exeunt.
Asot.
Follow me good Prosaites: Lets talke.
Crit.
He will ranke euen with you (ere't be long)
If you hold on your course: O vanity,
How are thy painted beauties doated on,
By light, and empty Ideots? how pursu'de
With open, and extended appetite?
How they do sweate, and run themselues from breath,
Raisd on their toes, to catch thy ayery formes,
Still turning giddy, till they reele like drunkards,
That buy the merry madnesse of one hower,
With the long irksomnesse of following time?
O how dispisde, and base a thing is Man,
If he not striue t'erect his groueling thoughts
Aboue the straine of flesh? But how more cheape
When, euen his best and vnderstanding part,
(The crowne, and strength of all his faculties)
Floates like a dead drown'd body, on the streame
Of vulgar humor, mixt with commonst dregs?
I suffer for their guilt now, and my Soule
(Like one that lookes on ill affected eyes)
Is hurt with meere Intention on their follies:
Why will I view them then? my Sence might aske me:
Or ist a Rarity, or some new Obiect,
That straines my strict obseruance to this point?
O would it were, therein I could afforde
My Spirit should draw a little neere to theirs,
To gaze on nouelties: so Uice were one.
Tut, she is stale, ranke, foule, and were it not
That those (that wooe her) greete her with lockt eyes
(In spight of all the Impostures, paintings, drugs,
Which her bawde Custome daubes her cheekes withall)
She would betray her loath'd and leprous face,
And fright th'enamor'd dotards from themselues:
But such is the peruersnesse of our nature,
That if we once but fancy leuity,
(How antique and ridiculous so ere
It sute with vs) yet will our muffled thought
Choose rather not to see it, then a[unclear: u]oyde it:
And if we can but banish our owne sence,
We acte our Mimick tricks with that free licence,
That lust, that pleasure, that security,
As if we practiz'd in a Past-boord case,
And no one saw the Motion, but the Motion.
Well, check thy passion, least it grow too lowde:
”While fooles are pittied, they wax fat, and prowde.
ACTVS SECVNDVS.
SCENA. 1.
Cupid. Mercury.
Cup.
Why this was most vnexpectedly followed (my deuine
delicate Mercury) by the Beard of Ioue, thou art a pretious
Deity.
Mer.
Nay Cupid leaue to speake improperly; since we are
turn'd cracks, lets study to be like cracks: practise their lan-
guage, and behauiours, and not with a dead Imitation. Acte
freely, carelesly, and capricciously, as if our veines ranne with
Quick-siluer, and not vtter a phrase, but what shall come foorth
steept in the very brine of conceipt, and sparkle like salt in fire.
Cup.
That's not euery ones happinesse (Hermes) though you
can presume vpon the easinesse and dexterity of your wit, you
shall giue me leaue to be a little Iealous of mine; and not des-
perately to hazard it after your capring humor.
Mer.
Nay then Cupid, I thinke we must haue you hood-
winckt againe, for you are growne too prouident, since your
eyes were at liberty.
Cup.
Not so (Mercury) I am still blinde Cupid to thee:
Mer.
And what to the Lady Nimph you serue?
Cup.
Troath Page, Boy, and Sirha: these are all my titles.
Mer.
Then thou hast not altered thy name with thy disguise?
Cup.
O No, that had bin Supererogation, you shall neuer heare
your Courtier call but by one of these three.
Mer.
Faith then both our Fortunes are the same.
Cup.
Why? what parcell of man hast thou lighted on for
a Maister?
Mer.
Such a one (as before I begin to decipher him) I dare
not affirme him to be any thing else then a Courtier. So much
he is, during this open time of Reuels, & would be longer, but
that his meanes are to leaue him shortly after: his name is He-
don, a gallant wholy consecrated to his pleasures. ——
Cup.
Hedon? he vses much to my Ladies chamber, I thinke.
Mer.
How is she cal'd, and then I can shew thee?
Cup.
Madame Philautia.
Mer.
O I, he affects her very particulerly indeed. These are
his graces: he doth (besides me) keepe a Barbar, and a Monkey:
He has a ritch wrought Waste-coate to intertaine his visitants
in, with a Cap almost sutable: His Curtaines and Bedding are
thought to be his owne; his bathing Tub is not suspected. He
loues to haue a Fencer, a Pedant, and a Musitian seene in his
lodging a mornings.
Cup.
And not a Poet?
Mer.
Fye no: himselfe is a Rimer, and that's a thought bet-
ter then a Poet: he is not lightly within to his Mercer, no,
though he come when he takes Phisique, which is commonly
after his play. He beates a Tayler very well, but a Stocking-
seller admirably; and so consequently any one he owes money
too, that dares not resist him. He neuer makes generall inuite-
ment, but against the publishing of anew Sute, mary then, you
shall haue more drawne to his lodging, then come to the laun-
ching of some three ships; especially if he be furnishd with
supplies for the retiring of his olde Ward-robe from pawne;
if not, he do's hire a stock of Apparell, and some forty or fiftie
pound in Gould for that forenoone to shew: Hee's thought
a very necessary Perfume for the Presence, and for that onely
cause welcome thither: six Millaners shops affoorde you not
the like sent. He courts Ladies with how many great Horse he
hath rid that morning, or how oft he has done the whole, or
the halfe Pommado in a seuen-night before; and sometime
venters so far vpon the vertue of his Pomander that he dares
tell 'hem, how many shirts he has sweat at Tennis that weeke,
but wiselye conceales so many dozen of Balls he is on the
score. Here he comes that is all this.
SCENA. 2.
Hedon. Anaides. Gelaia. Cupid. Mercurie.
Hedon.
Boy.
Mercu.
Sir.
Hedon.
Are any of the Ladies in the Presence?
Mer.
None yet Sir.
Hedon.
Giue me some Gold, More.
Ana.
Is that thy Boy Hedon?
Hedo.
I, what thinkst thou of him?
Ana.
Shart, Il'd gelde him; I warrant he has the Philoso-
phers stone.
Hed.
Well said my good Melancholy diuell: Sirah, I haue
deuisde one or two of the pretiest Oathes (this morning in my
bed) as euer thou heardst, to protest withall in the Presence.
Ana.
Pray thee lets heere 'hem.
Hed.
Soft thoult vse 'hem afore me.
Ana.
No (damne me then) I haue more oathes then I know
how to vtter, by this ayre.
Hed.
Faith 'one is; By the tip of your eare, Sweete Lady, Is't
not pretty, and Gentile?
Ana.
Yes for the person 'tis applyed to, a Lady. It should
be light, and—
Hed.
Nay the other is better, exceeds it much: The Inuen-
tion is farder fet too; By the white valley that lyes betweene the
Alpine hills of your bosome, I protest —& c.
Ana.
Well, you traueld for that Hedon.
Mer.
I, in a Map, where his eyes were but blind guides to
his vnderstanding it seemes.
Hed.
And then I haue a Salutatiõ wil nick all; by this Caper: ho!
Ana.
How is that?
Hed.
You know I cal Madã Philautia, my Honor, & she cals me
her Ambitiō. Now (when I meet her in the Presence anon) I wil
come to her, and say, Sweete Honor, I haue hitherto contented my
Sence with the Lillies of your hand; but now I will taste the Roses of
your lip; and (withall) kisse her: to which she cannot but blu-
shingly answeare: Nay now you are too Ambitious. And then
do I reply; I cannot be too Ambitious of Honour, sweete Lady.
Wilt not be good? ha? ha?
Ana.
O Assure your foule.
Hed.
By heauen I thinke 'twill be excellent, and a very poli-
tique atchiuement of a kisse.
Ana.
I haue thought vpon one for Moria of a suddaine too
if it take.
Hed.
What ist, my deare mischiefe?
Ana.
Mary, I will come to her, (and she alwayes weares a
Muffe if you be remembred) and I will tell her: Madame your
whole selfe cannot but be perfectly wise: for your hands haue witte
enough to keepe themselues warme.
Hed.
Now (before Ioue) admirable: looke, thy Page takes it
too, by Pbœbus, my sweete facetious Rascall, I could eate Wa-
ter-gruell with thee a month, for this Iest, O my deare Rogue.
Ana.
O (by Hercules) 'tis your onely dish, aboue all your
Potatos, or Oyster-pyes in the world.
Hed.
I haue ruminated vpon a most rare Wish too, and the
Prophecy to it, but Ile haue some friend to be the Prophet; As
thus: I do wish my selfe one of my Mistris Ciopino's. Another
demaunds: Why would he be one of his Mistris Ciopinos? A third
answeres, Because he would make her higher. A fourth shall say,
That will make her proud. And a fifth shall conclude: Then do I
prophesie, Pride will haue a fall: and he shall giue it her.
Ana.
Ile be your Prophet. By gods so, it will be most exqui-
site, thou art a fine Inuentious Rogue, Sirah.
Hed.
Nay and I haue Posies for Rings too, and Riddles, that
they dreame not of.
Ana.
Tut theile do that, when they come to sleep on thẽ time
enough; but were thy deuises neuer in the Presence yet Hedon?
Hed.
O no, I disdaine that.
Ana.
Twere good we went afore then, & brought thẽ acquain-
ted with the roome where they shall act, least the strangenes of
it put them out of countenance, when they should come forth.
Cup.
Is that a Courtier too.
Exeunt.
Mer.
Troth no; he has two essentiall parts of the Courtier,
Pride and Ignorance (I meane of such a Courtier, who is (indeed)
but the Zani to an exact Courtier) mary, the rest come somwhat
after the Ordinary Gallant. Tis Impudence it selfe Anaides; one,
that speakes all that comes in his cheekes, & wil blush no more
then a Sackbut. He lightly occupies the Iesters roome at the
table, & keeps laughter, Gelaia (a wench in pages atire) follow-
ing him in place of a Squire, whom he (now & thẽ) tickles with
some strange ridiculous stuffe, vttered (as his land came to him)
by chance: He will censure or discourse of any thing, but as ab-
surdly as you would wishe: His fashion is not to take know-
ledge of him that is beneath him in cloathes; He neuer drinkes
below the Salt: He do's naturally admire his wit, that weares
Gold-lace, or Tissue; Stabs any man that speakes more con-
temptibly of the Scholler then he. He is a great proficient in all
the illiberall Sciences, as Cheating, Drinking, Swaggering,
Whoring, and such like; neuer kneeles, but to pledge Health's;
nor praies, but for a Pipe of pudding Tabaco. He will blas-
pheame in his shirt; The oaths which he vomits at one supper,
would maintain a Towne of garrison in good swearing a twelue-
moneth: One other genuine quality he has, which crownes
all these; and that is this; to a Friend in want, he will not de-
part with the weight of a soldard Groat, least the world might
censure him prodigall, or report him a Gull: Mary, to his Coca-
trice or Punquetto; halfe a dozen Taffata gownes or Sattin Kir-
tles, in a paire or two of moneth's, why they are nothing.
Cup.
I commend him he is one of my clients.
SCENA. 3.
Amorphus, Asotus; Cos; Prosaites, Cupid, Mercurie.
Amor.
Come Sir. You are now within reguarde of the Pre-
sence; And see, the priuacie of this roome, how sweetly it offers
it offers it selfe to our retir'd intendments, Page, cast a vigilant,
and enquiring eye about, that we be not rudely surpris'd, by,
the aproch of some ruder-stranger.
Cos.
I warrant you Sir. Ile tell you when the Woolfe enters
feare nothing.
Mer.
O what a masse of benefit shall we possesse, in being
the inuisible Spectators of this strange shew now to be acted?
Amor.
Plant your selfe there Sir: And obserue me. You shall
now, as well be the Ocular as the Eare-witnesse, how clearely
I can refell that Paradox, or rather Pseudodoxe of those, which
holde the face to be the Index of the minde, which (I assure
you) is not so, in any Politique creature; for Instance, I wil now
giue you the particuler, and distinct face of euery your most
noted Species of persons; As your Marchant, your Scholler, your
Soldier, your Lawyer, Courtier, & c. And each of these so truly, as
you would sweare (but that your eye sees the variation of the
lineament) it were my most proper, and Genuine aspect: First,
for your Marchants, or Citty face; Tis thus: a dull plodding
face; still looking in a direct line, forward: There is no great
matter in this face. Then haue you your Students, or Acade-
mique face, which is here, an honest, simple, and Methodicall
face; But some what more spread then the former. The third
is your Soldiers face: A menacing, and astounding face, that
lookes broade, and bigge: the grace of this face consists much
in a Beard. The Anti face to this, is your Lawyers face; a contrac-
ted, subtile, and Intricate face: full of quirkes, and turnings;
A Labyrinth[unclear: æ]an face, now angularly, now circularly, euery way
aspected. Next is your Statists face, a serious, solempne, and
supercilious face, ful of formall, and square grauity, the eye (for
the most part) arteficially and deeply shadow'd, there is great
iudgment requir'd in the making of this face. But now to come
to your face of faces; or Courtiers face: tis of three sorts; (accor-
ding to our subdiuision of a Courtier; Elementary, Practique,
and Theorique: your Courtier Theorique, is he that hath arriu'd
to his fardest, and doth now know the Court rather by specu-
lation, then practise; & this is his face: A fastidious, and oblique
face; that lookes, as it went with a Vice, and were screw'd thus.
Your Courtier Practique is he that is yet in his Path, his Course,
his Way, & hath not toucht the Puntillio or point of hopes; this
face is here: A most promising, open, smooth, and ouerflowing
face, that seemes as it would runne, and powre it selfe into you;
your Courtier Elementary is one but newly entered, or as it were
in the Alphabet Vt-re-mi-fa-sol-la, of Courtship: Note well this
face, for it is this you must practise.
Asot.
Ile practise 'hem all, if you please Sir.
Amor.
I; here after you may: and it will not be altogether an
vngratfull study. For let your soule be assur'd of this (in any
Ranke or profession whatsoeuer) the most generall, or Maior
part of Opiniõ, goes with the face, & (simply) respects nothing
else. Therefore: if that can be made, exactly, curiously, exqui-
sitely, thoroughly, It is enough: But (for the present) you shall
only apply your selfe to this face of the Elementary Courtier, A
light, reuelling, & protesting face, now blushing, now smiling
which you may helpe much with a wanton wagging of your
head, thus; (a feather will teach you) or with kissing your finger
that hath the Ruby, or playing with some string of your band,
which is a most quaint kinde of Melancholy besides. Where is
your Page? call for your Casting Bottle, and place your Mirror
in your Hat, as I tolde you; so. Come, looke not pale, obserue
me: set your face, and enter,
Amor.
O for some excellent Painter, to haue ta'ne the copye
of all these faces.
Aso.
Prosaites.
Amor.
Fie, I premonisht you of that; In the Court, Boy, or
Sirha.
Cos.
Maister Lupus in — O 'tis Prosaites.
Asot.
Sirha, prepare me my Casting-bottle, I thinke I must
be enforst to pnrchase me another Page, you fee how at hand
Cos waites heere.
Mor.
So will he too in time.
Cup.
What's he Mercury?
Mer.
A notable Finch. One that hath newly entertain'd the
Beggar to follow him, but cannot get him to wait neer inough.
Tis Asotus the heire of Philargirus: but first Ile giue you the
others Caracter, which may make his the clearer? He that is
with him is Amorphus, A Traueller, One so made out of the
mixture and shreds of formes, that himselfe is truely defor-
med: Hee walkes most commonlye with a Cloue or Pick-
toothe in his mouth, Hee's the very Minte of Compl[unclear: e]ment;
All his behauiours are printed, his face is another volume of
Essayes; and his beard an Aristarchus. He speakes all creame,
skimd, & more affected then a dozen of waiting women; Hee's
his owne promooter in euery place: The wife of the Ordinary
giues him his diet to maintaine her table in discourse, which
(indeed) is a meere Tiranny ouer her other guests: for he will
vsurp all the talke: Ten Cunstables are not so tedious. He is no
great shifter; once a yeare his Apparell is ready to reuolt; He
doth vse much to arbitrate quarrells, and fights himselfe ex-
ceeding well (out at a window.) He will lie cheaper then any
Begger, and lowder then most Clockes; for which he is right
properly accommodated to the Whetstone his page. The other
gallant is his Zani, & doth most of these tricks after him; sweats
to imitate him in euery thing (to a haire) except a Beard, which
is not yet extant: he doth learne to eat Anchoues, & Cauearebe-
cause he loues 'hem, speakes as he speakes; lookes, walkes, goes
so in Cloathes and fashion, is in al, as he were moulded of him.
Marry (before they met) he had other very pretty sufficiencies,
which yet he retaines some light Impression of: As frequen-
ting a dauncing schoole, and grieuously torturing strangers,
with inquisitiō after his grace in his Galliard; He buyes a fresh
acquaintance at any rate; his Eye, and his Raiment confer much
together as he goes in the street; He treads nicely, like a fellow
that walkes vpon ropes, especially the first Sunday of his Silk-
stockings, and when he is most neate and new, you shal stripp
him with commendations.
Cup.
Here comes another.
Mer.
I, but one of another straine Cupid: This fellow
weighs somewhat.
Cup.
His name Hermes?
Mer.
Criticus. A creature of a most perfect and diuine tem-
per; One, in whom the Humors & Elements are peaceably met,
without æmulation of Precedencie: he is neither too fantas-
ticklyMelancholy; too slowly Plegmatick, too lightly Sanguine,
or too rashly Cholerick, but in al, so composd and order'd; as it is
cleare, Nature was about some full worke, she did more then
make a man when she made him; His discourse is like his beha-
uiour, vncommon, but not vnpleasing; he is prodigall of nei-
ther: He striues rather to be (that which men call) Iudicious,
then to be thought so; and is so truely learned that he affects
not to shew it: He wil thinke, & speak his thought, both freely;
but as distant frō deprauing any other mans Merrit, as procla-
ming his owne: For his valor, tis such, that he dares as little to
offer an Iniury, as receiue one. In sum, he hath a most Ingeni-
ous and sweet spirit, a sharp and season'd wit, a streight iudge-
ment, and a strong minde; constant and vnshaken: Fortune
could neuer breake him, or make him lesse, he counts it his
pleasure to despise pleasures, and is more delighted with good
deedes then Goods, It is a competencie to him that he can be
vertuous. He doth neither couet, nor feare; he hath too much
reason to do either: and that commends all things to him.
Cup.
Not better then Mercury commends him.
Mer.
O Cupid, 'tis beyond my deity to giue him his due
praises; I could leaue my Place in heauen, to liue among Mortals,
so I were sure to bee no other then he.
Cup.
Slight, I beleeue he is your Minion; you seeme to
be so rauisht with him.
Mer.
Hee's one, I would not haue awry thought darted a-
gainst willingly.
Cup.
No, but a straight shaft in his bosome, Ile promise him,
if I am Cithereas sonne.
Mer.
Shall we go Cupid?
Cup.
Stay and see the Ladies now; theile come presently. Ile
helpe to paint them.
Mer.
What lay Couller vpon Couler? that affoordes but
an ill blazon.
Cup.
Here comes Mettall to helpe it, the Lady Argnrion.
Mer.
Money, money.
Cup.
The same: A Nimph of a most wandering and giddy
disposition, humourous as the Ayre, she'le run from Gallant to
Gallant (as they sit at Primero in the Presence) most strangely,
and feldome stayes with any; She spreades as she goes: To day
you shall haue her looke as cleare and fresh as the morning
and to morrow as Melancholy as midnight. She takes speciall
pleasure in a close, obscure lodging, and for that cause visits
the Cittie so often, where shee has many secret and true-con-
cealing fauorites. When she comes abroad shee's more loose
and scattering then dust, and will fly from place to place, as she
were rapt with a whirle-winde. Your young Student (for the
most part) she affects not, onely salutes him, and away: A Poet
or a Philosopher she is hardly brought to take any notice of, no,
though he be some part of an Alchimist. She loues a Player,
well; and a Lawyer infinitly: but your Foole aboue all. She can
do much in the Court for the obtaining of any sute whatsoe-
uer, no doore but flies open to her; her presence is aboue a
Charme: The woorst in her is want of keeping state, and to
much descending into inferior and base offices, Shee's for any
course Imployment you will put vpon her, as to be your
Procurer or Pandar.
Mercu.
Peace Cupid; heere comes more worke for you,
another Caracter or two.
SCENA. 4.
Phantaste, Moria, Philautia,
Mercury, Cupid.
Pha.
Stay sweete Philautia; Ile but change my fann, and go
presently.
Mor.
Now (in very good serious) Ladies, I will haue this or-
der reuerst, the Presence must be better maintained from you;
A quarter past eleuen, & n'ere a Nimph in Prospectiue; beshrew
my hand, there must be a reform'd Discipline. Is that your new
Ruffe sweet Lady Bird? by my truth 'tis most Intricately
rare.
Mer.
Good Ioue, what reuerend gentlewoman in yeares
might this be?
Cup.
This Madam Moria, Guardian of the Nimphs: One that
is not now to be perswaded of her Wit, she will thinke herselfe
wise against all the Iudgements that come. A Lady made all
of voyce, & Ayre, talkes any thing of any thing: She is like one
of your Ignorant Po[unclear: ë]tasters of the time; who when the haue
got acquainted with a strange worde, neuer rest till they haue
wronge it in, though it loosen the whole fabrick of their
Sence.
Mer.
That was pretty and sharply noted Cupid.
Cup.
She will tell you Philosophy was a fine Reueller, when she
was young and a Gallant, and that then (though she say it) she was
thought to be the Dame-Dido, and Hellen of the Court; As also,
what a sweete Dogge she had this time foure yeere, and how it was
call'd Fortune, and that (if the fates had not cut his thred) be had
beene a Dogge to haue giuen entertainement to any Gallant in this
kingdome.
Mer.
O I pray thee no more, I am full of her.
Cupid.
Yes (I must needes tell you) She composes a Sack-
posset well; and would court a young Page sweetly, but that
her breath is against it.
Mer.
Now her breath (or some thing more strong) protect
me from her; th'other, th'other, Cupid.
Cup
O, that's my Lady and Mistris Madam Philautia: She
admires not herselfe for any one particularity, but for all; She
is faire, and she knowes it; She has a pretty light wit too, and she
knowes it; Shee can daunce, and she knowes that too; play at
Shittle-cock, and that too: No quality she has, but she shal
l take a very particuler knowledge of, and most Lady-like
commend it to you; you shall haue her at any time read you
the History of her selfe, and very subtilly runne ouer ano-
ther Ladies sufficiences to come to her owne.
She has a good superficiall iudgement in Painting; and would
seeme to haue so in Poetry. A most compleate Lady in the opi-
nion of some three beside herselfe.
Phi.
Faith, how lik'd you my quipp to Hedon, about the gar-
ter? wast not wittie?
Mor.
Exceeding witty and Integrate: you did so Aggrauate.
the Iest withall.
Phi.
And did I not daunce moouingly last night?
Mor.
Moouingly; out of measure (in troth) Sweete Lady.
Mer.
A happy commendation, to daunce, out of measure.
Mor.
Saue onely you wanted the swim i' the turne; O! when
I was at fourteene—
Phi.
Nay thats mine owne from any Nimph i' the Court) I
am sure on't) therefore you mistake me in that Guardian; both
the swimme, and the trip, are properly mine; euery body will
affirme it, that has any iudgement in dauncing: I assure you.
Pha.
Come now Philautia I am for you, shall we goe?
Phi.
I good Phantaste; What? ha' you chang'd your headtire?
Pha.
Yes faith; th'other was so neare the common, it had
no extraordinary grace; besides, I had worne it almost a' day
in good troath.
Phi.
Ile be sworne, this is most excellent for the deuise,
and rare. Tis after the Italian print we look'd on tother night.
Pha.
Tis so: by this fanne, I cannot abide any thing that
sauors the poore ouer-worne cut, that has any kindred with it;
I must haue variety, I: this mixing in fashion I hate it woorse,
then to burne Iuniper in my Chamber I protest.
Phi.
And yet we cannot haue a new peculiar Court-tyre, but
these Retainers will haue it; these Suburbe sunday-waiters, these
Courtiers for High daies, I know not what I should call 'hem.—
Pha.
O I, they doo most pitifully Imitate; but I haue a tire a
comming (I faith) shall—
Mor.
In good certaine, Madame, it makes you looke most
heauenly; but (lay your hand on your hart) you neuer skind a
new beauty more prosperously in your life, nor more super-
naturally; looke good Lady, sweet Lady looke.
Phi.
Tis very cleere, and well beleeue me. But if you had
seene mine yeasterday when twas young, you would haue—
who's your Doctor Phantaste?
Pha.
Nay thats counsell Philautia, you shall pardon me: yet
(Ile assure you) hee's the most dainty, sweet, absolute rare man,
of the whole Colledge. O! his very lookes, his discourse, his
behauiour, all he doo's is Phisick I protest.
Phi.
For heauens sake his name; good, deare, Phantaste—
Pha.
No, no, no, no, no, no, (beleeue me) not for a Million of
heauens: I will not make him cheape. Fie——
Phi.
There is a Nymph too of a most curious and elabo-
rate straine, light, all motion, an Vbiquitary, she is euery where,
Phantaste—
Mer.
Her very name speakes her; let her passe. But are these
(Cupid) the starres of Cynthias Court? doe these Nymphs at-
tend vpon Diana?
Cup.
They are in her Court (Mercury) but not as Starres;
these neuer come in the presence of Cynthia: the Nimphes
that make her traine, are the diuine Arete, Timæ[unclear], Phronesis,
Thauma, and others of that high sort. These are priuately
brought in by Moria in this licencious time, against her know-
ledge; and (like so many Meteors) will vanish when shee
appeares.
SCENA. 5.
Prosaites. Gelaia. Cos. Mercury. Cupid.
Cant.
Pro.
COme follow me my Wagges, and say as I say.
There's no ritches but in Ragges; hey day, hey day;
You that professe this art. Come away; come away:
And helpe to beare a part. Hey day; hey day.
Beare-wards, & Blackingm[unclear: ẽ].
Corne-cutters, and Carmen.
Sellers of mar-king stones.
Gatherer's vp of Marow-bones
Pedlers, and Puppit-players.
Sow-gelders, and Sooth-saiers.
Gipsies and saylers,
Rat-catchers and Raylers,
Beadles, and Ballad-singers.
Fidlers, and Fadingers.
Thomalins, and Tinkers.
Scauengers, and Skinkers.
There goes the Hare away.
Hey day, Hey day.
Bawds and blinde Doctors.
Paritors, and spittle Proctors.
Chymists, and Cuttlebungs.
Hookers, and Horne-thums.
With all cast commaunders.
turnd Post-knights, or Pādars.
Iuglers, and Iesters.
Borrowers of Testers.
And all the troope of trash
That're allied to the lash,
Come, and ioyne with your lags
Shake vp your muscle-bags.
For Beggary beares the sway,
Then sing: cast care away,
Hey day, hey day.
Mer.
What? those that were our fellow Pages but now, so
soone prefer'd to be Yeomen of the Bottles? the mistery, the
mistery, good wagges?
Cup.
Some dyet drinke, they haue the guard of.
Pro.
No Sir, we are going in quest of a strange Fountaine,
lately found out.
Cup.
By whome?
Cos:
My Maister or the great discouerer, Amorphus.
Mer.
Thou hast well intitled him Cos, for he will discouer
all he knowes.
Gelaia.
I and a little more too, when the spirit is vpon him.
Prosa.
O the good trauelling Gentleman yonder, ha's causd
such a drought i'the Presence, with reporting the wonders of
this new water; that all the Ladies, and Gallants lie languishing
vpon the Rushes, like so many pounded Cattle i'the midste of
Haruest, sighing one to another, and gasping, as if each of them
expected a Cock from the Fountaine, to be brought into his
mouth: and (without we returne quickly) they are all (as a youth
would say) no better then a few Trowts cast a shore, or a dish
of Eeles in a Sand-bag.
Mer.
Wel then, you were best dispatch & haue a care of them,
Come Cupid, thou and lle goe peruse this drye wonder.
ACTVS TERTIVS.
SCENA. 1.
Amorphus. Asotus.
Amor.
Sir, let not this discountenance, or dis-gallant you a
whit, you must not sinke vnder the first disaster; It is with your
young Grammattical Courtier, as with your Neophyte-Player,
a thing vsuall to be daunted at the first presence, or enter-view:
you saw, there was Hedon & Anaides, (far more practisd gallants
then your selfe) who were both out, to comfort you: It is no
disgrace, no more, then for your aduenturous Reueller to fall
by some in-auspicious chance in his Galliard, or for some sub-
tillPolitician to vndertake the Bastinado, that the State might
thinke worthely of him, and respect him as a man well beaten
to the world. What? hath your Tayler prouided the property
(we spake of) at your Chamber, or no?
Aso.
I thinke he has.
Amor.
Nay. (I intreate you) be not so flat, and melancholique,
erect your minde: you shall redeeme this with the Courtship
I will teach you against afternoone: Where eate you to day?
Asot.
Where you please Sir, any where I.
Amor.
Come let vs go and taste some light dinner, A dish
of slic'd Caueare, or so, and after you shall practise an hower
at your lodging, some fewe formes that I haue remembred; If
you had but (so-farre) gathered your spirits to you, as to haue
taken vp a Rushe (when you were out) and wagd it, thus; or
clensde your teeth with it, or but turn'de aside, and fainde
some businesse to whisper with your Page, till you had
recouer'd your selfe, or but found some slight staine in your
stocking, or any other pretty Inuention (so it had beene sud-
daine,) you might haue come off with a most cleare and
Courtly grace.
Asot.
A poyson of all, I thinke I was forespoake, I.
Amor.
No, I do partly ayme at the cause (which was ome-
nous indeed) for as you enter at the doore, there is oppos'de to
you the frame of a Wolfe in the Hangings, which (your eye
taking sodainely) gaue a false Alarme to the heart; and that
was it call'd your blood out of your face, and so disordred the
whole ranke of your spirits: I beseech you labour to forget it.
Exeunt.
SCENA. 2.
Hedon. Anaides.
Hed.
Heart, was there euer so prosperous an Inuention thus
vnluckely peruerted, and spoyld, by a whoore-sonne Book-
worme, a Candle-waster?
Ana.
Nay, be not impatient, Hedon.
Hed.
Slight, I would faine know his name.
Ana.
Hang him poore Grogran Rascall, pr'ythee thinke not
of him: Ile send for him to my lodging, and ha' him blanketted
when thou wilt, man.
Hed.
By gods so; I would thou couldst. Looke, here he coms.
Laugh at him, laugh at him. Ha, ha, ha.
Ana.
Fough, he smels all Lamp-oyle, with studying by
Candle-light.
Hedon.
How confidently hee went by vs; and carelesly!
neuer moou'd! nor stird at any thing! Did you obserue him?
Ana.
I a poxe on him, let him goe, Dormouse: hee is in a
dreame now; He has no other time, to sleepe but thus when he
walkes abroade, to take the ayre.
Hed.
Gods pretious, this afflicts me more then all the rest,
that we should so particulerly direct our Hate, and Contempt
against him; and he to carry it thus without wound or passion!
tis insufferable.
Anai.
'Slid, (my deare Enuy) if, thou but saist the word now,
Ile vndoe him eternally for thee.
Hedon.
How sweete Anaides?
Anai.
Marry halfe a score of vs get him in (one night) and
make him pawne his wit for a supper.
Hed.
Away, thou hast such vnseasonable Iests. By this hea-
uen I wonder at nothing more then our Gentlemen Vshers;
that will suffer a piece of Serge, or Perpetuana, to come into
the Presence: me thinkes, they, should (out of their Experi-
ence) better distinguish the silken disposition of a Courtier,
then to let such terrible course Rags mixe with 'hem, able to
fret any smooth or gentile Society to the threds, with their
rubbing Deuises.
Ana.
Damne me, if I should aduenture on his company
once more, without a sute of Buffe, to defend my wit: he do's
nothing but stabbe the flaue: how mischeiuously he crost thy
deuise of the Prophesie there? And Moria she comes without
her Muffe too; and there my inuention was lost.
Hed.
Well, I am refolu'd, what Ile do.
Ana.
What, my good spirituous Sparke?
Hed.
Marry, speake all the venome I can of him; and poy-
son his reputation in euery place where I come.
Ana.
'Fore god most Courtly.
Hed.
And if I chance to be present where any question is
made of his sufficiencies, or of any thing he hath done priuate
or publique; Ile censure it slightly, and ridiculously—
Ana.
At any hand beware of that, so you may draw your
owne iudgement, insuspect; No, Ile instruct thee what thou
shalt doe, and by a safer meanes: approue any thing thou hea-
r'st of his, to the receiud opinion of it; but if it be extraordina-
ry, giue it from him to some other, whome thou more parti-
culerly affectst, that's the waye to plague him, and hee shall
neuer come to defend himselfe: Sblood, Ile giue out all he dos
is dictated from other men: and sweare it too (if thou'lt ha' me)
and that I know the time, and place, where he stoale it: though
my soule be guilty of no such thing; and that I thinke out of
my hart, he hates such barren shifts; yet to doe thee a pleasure
and him a disgrace, Ile damne my selfe, or do any thing.
Hed.
Gramercies my deare Deuill: weele put it seriouslie in
practise, I faith.
SCENA. 3.
Criticus.
Crit.
Do good Detraction, do: and I the while
Shall shake thy spight off with a carelesse smile.
Poore pitteous Gallants, what leane idle sleights
Their thoughts suggest to flatter their steru'd Hopes!
As if I knew not how to entertaine
These Straw-deuises; but of force must yeeld
To the weake stroake of their calumnious tongues.
Why should I care what euery Dor doth buzze
In credulous eares? it is a Crowne to me,
That the best iudgements can report me wrong'd;
Them Liars; and their slanders impudent.
Perhaps (vpon the rumor of their speeches)
Some grieued friend will whisper, Criticus,
Men speake ill of thee: So they be ill men,
If they spake worse, twere better: For of such
To be disprais'd, is the most perfect praise.
What can his Censure hurt me, whom the world
Hath censur'd vile before me? If good Chrestus,
Euthus, or Phronimus, had spoake the words,
They would haue moou'd me; & I should haue cal'd
My thoughts and Actions to a strict accompt
Vpon the hearing: But when I remember
Tis Hedon and Anaides: Alasse, then,
I thinke but what they are, and am not stir'd:
The one, a light voluptuous Reueller,
The other a strange arrogating Puffe,
Both impudent, and ignorant enough;
That talke (as they are wont) not as I merit;
Traduce by Custome, as most Dogs do barke,
Do nothing out of iudgment, but disease;
Speake ill, because they neuer could speake well:
And who'ld be angry with this race of Creatures?
What wise Phisitian haue we euer seene
Moou'd with a frantique man? the same affects
That he doth beare to his sicke Patient,
Should a right minde carry to such as these:
And I do count it a most rare Reuenge,
That I can thus (with such a sweet neglect)
Pluck from them all the pleasure of their Mallice.
For that's the marke of all their enginous drifts,
To wound my Patience (how soe're they seeme
To ayme at other obiects) which if mist,
Their Enuy's like an Arrow shot vpright,
That in the fall endangers their owne heads.
SCENA. 4.
Arete. Criticus.
Aret.
What Criticus? where haue you spent the day,
You haue not visited your iealous friends?
Crit.
Where I haue seene (most honor'd Arete,)
The strangest Pageant, fashion'd like a Court,
(At least I dreamp't I saw it) so diffus'd,
So painted, pyed, and full of Raine-bow straines;
As neuer yet (eyther by Time, or Place)
Was made the foode to my distasted Sence:
Nor can my weake imperfect Memory
Now render halfe the formes vnto my tongue,
That were conuolu'd within this thrifty Roome.
Here, stalkes me by, a proud, and spangled Sir,
That lookes three handfuls higher then his fore-top;
Sauors himselfe alone, is only kind
And louing to himselfe: One that will speake
More darke and doubtfull then sixe oracles;
Salutes a friend, as if he had a stitch,
Is his owne Chronicle, and scarce can eate
For registring himselfe; is waited on,
By Mimiques, Iesters, Pandars, Parasites,
And other such like Prodigies of men.
He past; there comes some subtill Proteus: One
Can thange, and vary with all formes he sees;
Be any thing but honest; serues the time;
Houers betwixt two factions, and explores
The drifts of both; which (with crosse face) he beares
To the deuided heads, and is receiu'd
With mutuall grace of eyther: One that dares
Do deeds worthy the Hurdle, or the Wheele,
To be thought some body; and is (in sooth)
Such as the Satyrist points truly foorth,
Criminibus debent hortos, prætoria, mensas:
Aret.
You tell vs wonders Criticus.
Crit.
Tut, this is nothing.
There stands a Neophyte, glazing of his face,
Against his Idoll enters; and repeats,
(Like an vnperfect Prologue, at third Musique)
His part of speeches, and confederate Iests
In passion to himselfe; Another sweares
His Scene of Courtship ouer, and then seemes
As he would kisse away his hand in kindnesse;
A third, is most in Action; swims, and frisks,
Playes with his mistresse paps, salutes her pomps;
Will spend his Patrimonie for a Garter,
Or the least fether in her bounteous Fanne:
A fourth, he onely comes in for a Mute,
Diuides the Act with a dumbe shew, and Exit,
Then must the Ladies laugh: streight comes their Scene;
A sixth times worse Confusion then the Rest.
Where you shall heare one talke of this mans Eye;
Another of his Lip, a third, his Nose;
A fourth commend his Leg, a fifth his Foote,
A sixth his Hand, and euery one a lim;
That you would thinke the poore distorted Gallant
Must there expire: Then fall they in discourse
Of Tires, and Fashions; how they must take place:
Where they may kisse; and whom: when to sit down;
And with what grace to rise: if they salute,
What curtesie they must vse; such Cob-web stuffe,
As would enforce the commonst sence abhorre
Th' Arachnean workers.
Aret.
Patience Criticus.
This knot of Spiders will be soone dissolu'd,
And all their webbes swept out of Cynthias Court,
When once her glorious Deity appeares,
And but presents it selfe in her full light:
Till when, goe in: and spend your howers with vs
Your honor'd friends Timæ, and Phronesis,
In contemplation of our Goddesse name:
Thinke on some sweet, and choyse Inuention now,
(Worthy her serious, and illustrous Eyes)
That from the merit of it we may take
Desier'd occasion to prefer your worth,
And make your seruice knowne to Cynthia:
It is the pride of Arete to grace
Her studious louers; and (in scorne of Time,
Enuy, and Ignorance) to lift their state
Aboue a vulgar height. True Happinesse
Consists not in the multitude of friends,
But in the worth, and choyse; Nor would I haue
Vertue, a popular Reguard pursew;
Let them be good that loue me, though but few.
Crit.
I kisse thy hands, diuinest Arete,
And vowe my selfe to thee, and Cynthia.
SCENA. 5.
Amorphus. Asotus.
Amo.
A little more forward; So Sir. Now goe in, dis-cloake
your selfe, and come forth. Taylor; bestow thy absence vpon
vs; and be not prodigall of this secret, but to a deare Customer.
Tis wel enter'd Sir. Stay you come on too fast; your Pace is too
impetuous. Imagine this to be the Pallace of your Pleasure, or
Place where your Lady is pleas'd to be seene: First you present
your selfe thus; and spying her you fall off, and walke some two
turnes; in which time it is to be suppos'd your Passion
hath sufficiently whited your Face? then (stifling a sigh or two,
and closing your lippes) with a trembling boldnesse, and bolde
terror; you aduance your selfe forward. Try thus much I pray
you.
Asot.
Yes Sir, (pray god I can light on it) Here I come in you
say: and present my selfe?
Amor.
Good.
Asot.
And then I spy her, and walke off?
Amor.
Very good.
Asot.
Now sir I stiflle, and aduance forward?
Amor.
Trembling.
Asot.
Yes Sir, trembling. I shal do it better when I come to it.
And what must I speake now?
Amor.
Mary you shall say; Deare Beauty, or sweete Honor, or
by what other title you please to remember her) me thinkes you
are Melancholy. This is if she be alone now
and discompanied.
Asot.
Well Sir, Ile enter againe; her title shall be My deare
Lindabrides.
Amor.
Lindabrides?
Asot.
I Sir, the Emperour Alicandro's Daughter, and the
Prince Meridians sister (in the Knight of the Sunne) she should
haue been married to him, but that the Princesse Claridiana—
Amor.
O you betray your reading.
Asot.
Nay Sir, I haue read History: I am a little Humanitian.
Interrupt me not, good Sir. My deare Lindabrides, My
deare Lindabrides, My deare Lindabrides, me thinkes you are
Melancholy.
Amor.
I, and take her by the Rosie-fingerd hand.
Asot.
Must I so? O: My deare Lindabrides, me thinkes you are
Melancholie.
Amor.
Or thus Sir. All variety of diuine pleasures, choyse sports,
sweete Musique, rich Fare, braue Attires, soft Beds, & silken thonghts,
attend this deare Beauty.
Asot.
Beleeue me that's prerty: All varietie of diuine pleasures,
choyse sports, sweet Musique, rich Fare, braue Attires, soft Beds, and
silken thoughts, attend this deare Beauty.
Amor.
And then, offring to kisse her hand, if she shall coyly
recoyle, and signifie your repulse; you are to re-enforce your
selfe with, More then most faire Lady; let not the Rigor of your iust
disdaine thus coursly censure of your seruants zeale: and (with-all)
protest her, To be the onely, and absolute vn-paraleld Creature, you
do adore, and admire, and respect, and reuerence, in this Court, Corner
of the world, or Kingdome.
Asot.
This is hard by my faith: Ile begin it all againe.
Amor.
Do so, and I will Act it for your Lady.
Asot.
Will you vouchsafe sir? All varietie of diuine pleasures,
choise Sports, sweete Musique, rich Fare, braue Attire, soft Beds, and
silken thoughts, attend this deare Beauty.
Amor.
So Sir, pray you a way.
Asot.
More then most faire Lady, let not the Rigor of your iust
disdaine, thus coursly censure of your s[unclear: i]ruants zeale. I protest you are
the only and absolute vn-aparailed—
Amo.
Vn-paraleld.
Asot.
Un-paraleld Creature, I do adore, and admire, and respect,
and reuerence, in this Court, Corner of the world, or kingdome.
Amor.
This is if shee abide you: But now; put case shee
should be Passant when you enter, as thus: you are to
frame your Gate ther'after, and call vpon her: Lady, Nimph,
Sweete Refuge, Starre of our Court: Then if shee be Guardant,
here: you are to come on, and (laterally disposing your selfe,)
sweare by her blushing and well coulored cheeke: the bright dye of
her hayre, her Iuorie teeth, or some such white and Innocent
oath, to induce you. If Reguardant; then, maintein your station,
Briske, and Irpe, shew the supple motion of your plyant body:
but (in chiefe) of your knee, and hand, which cannot but arride
her proude Humor exceedingly.
Asot.
I conceiue you sir, I shall performe all these things
in good time, I doubt not, they do so hit me.
Amo.
Well Sir, I am your Lady; make vse of any of these
beginnings, or some other out of your owne inuention: and
prooue how you can holde vp, and follow it. Say, Say.
Asot.
Yes Sir: my deare Lindabrides.
Amo.
No, you affect that Lindabrides too much: And (let me
tell you) it is not so Courtly. Your Pedant should prouide you
some parcels of French, or some pretty Commodity of Ita-
lian to commence with, if you would be exotick, and exqui-
site.
Asot.
Yes Sir, he was at my lodging t'other morning, I gaue
him a Doublet.
Amo.
Double your beneuolence, and giue him the Hose
too; cloathe you his body, hee will helpe to apparaile your
minde. But now, see what your proper Genius can performe
alone, without adiection of any other Minerua.
Asot.
I comprehend you sir.
Amo.
I do stand you Sir: fall backe to your first place.
Good; passing well: Very properly pursewd.
Asot.
Beautifull, ambiguous, and sufficient Lady. What
are you all alone.
Amo.
We would be Sir, if you would leaue vs.
Asot.
I am at your beauties appointment: bright Angell;
but—
Amo.
What but?
Asot.
No harme, more then most faire feature.
Amo.
That touch relished well.
Asot.
But I protest.
Amo.
And why should you protest?
Asot.
For good will (deare esteem'd Madam) and I hope your
Ladiship will so conceiue of it: If euer you haue seene great
TAMBERLAINE.
Amor.
O that Blanke was excellent: if you could pick out
more of these Play-particles, and (as occasion shall salute you)
embroyder or damaske your discourse with them (perswade
your soule) it would iudiciouslye commend you: Come, this
was a well-dischar'gd and auspicious Bout: prooue the se-
cond.
Asot.
Lady, I cannot swagger it in Black and Yellow.
Amo.
Why if you can Reuell it in White Sir, 'tis suffici-
ent.
Asot.
Say you so Sweete Lady? Lan, tede de, de, dant, dant, dant,
dante, & c. No (in good faith) Madame, whoseuer tould your
Ladyship so, abus'd you; but I would be glad to meete your
Ladiship in a measure.
Amor.
Me Sir? beelike you measure me by your selfe
then?
Asot.
Would I might Fayre Feature.
Amor.
And what were you the better, if you might?
Asot.
The better it please you to aske, Fayre Lady.
Amo.
Why this was rauishing, and most acutely conti-
new'd; Well, spend not your humor too much, you haue now
competently exercised your Conceipt: This (once or twise a
day (wil render you an accomplisht, elaborate, and well leueled
Gentleman; conuay in your Courting-stock, wee will (in the
heate of this) goe visite the Nymphs Chamber.
ACTVS QVARTVS.
SCENA. 1.
Phantaste. Philautia. Argurion. Moria. Cupid.
Phan.
I would this water would arriue once our trauayling
friend so commended to vs.
Arg.
So would I, for he has left all vs in trauaile, with ex-
pectation of it.
Pha.
Pray Ioue, I neuer rise from this Couch, if euer I thir-
sted more for a thing, in my whole time of being a Courtier.
Phi.
Nor I, Ile be sworne; the very mention of it sets my
lippes in a worse heate, then if he had sprinkled them with
Mercury. Reach me the glasse Sirah.
Cup.
Heere Lady.
Mor.
They do not peele sweete charge? do they?
Phi.
Yes a little Guardian.
Mor.
O 'tis a imminent good signe. Euer when my lippes
do so, I am sure to haue some delicious good drinke or other
approaching.
Arg.
Mary & this may be good for vs Ladies: for (it seemes)
tis far-fet by their stay.
Moria.
My pallat for yours (deare Honor) it shall prooue
most elegant I warrant you: O, I do fancie this geare thats
long a comming, with an vnmeasurable strayne.
Pha.
Pray thee sit downe Philautia, that Rebatu beecoms
thee singularly.
Phi.
Ist not queynt?
Pha.
Yes faith: me thinkes thy seru[unclear: a]nt Hedon is nothing so
obsequious to thee, as he was wont to be; I know not how,
Hee's growne out of his Garbe a-late, hee's warp't.
Mor.
In truenesse, and so me thinkes too, he's much con-
uerted.
Phi.
Tut; let him bee what he will, 'tis an Animall I
dreame not of. This tire (me thinkes) makes me looke very In-
genuously, quick, and spirited: I should be some Laura, or some
Delia me thinkes.
Mor.
As I am wise (faire honors) that title she gaue him, to
be her Ambition, spoild him: Before, he was the most propi-
tious, and obseruant young Nouice.—
Pha[unclear: .]
No, no; you are the whole heauen awry Guardian, tis
the swaggering tilt-horse Anaides drawes with him there, has
beene the diuerter of him.
Phi.
For Cupids sake speake no more of him; would I might
neuer dare to looke in a Mirror againe, if I respect ere a Mar-
maset of them all, otherwise, then I would a Fether, or my Shit-
tle-cock, to make sport with, now and then.
Pha.
Come sit downe; troath (and you be good Beauties) lets
run ouer 'hem all now: Which is the properst man amongst
them? I say the Trauailer, Amorphus.
Phi.
O fie on him: he lookes like a Dutch Trumpetter i'the
battell of Lepanto, in the gallery yonder; and speakes to the tune
of a country Lady, that comes euer i'the rere ward, or traine of
a Fashion.
Mor.
I should haue iudgement, in a feature sweet Beauties.
Pha.
A body would thinke so, at these yeares.
Mor.
And I prefer another now, farre before him, A million
at least.
Pha.
Who might that be Guardian?
Mor.
Mary (faire Charge) Anaides.
Pha.
Anaides? you talk't of a tune Philautia, theres one
speakes in a Key: like the opening of some Iustices gate, or a
Post-Boyes horne, as if his voyce fear'd an Arrest for some ill
words it should giue, and were loath to come forth.
Phi.
I, and he has a very imperfect face.
Pha.
Like a squeez'd Orenge, sower, sower.
Phi.
His Hand's too great to; by at least a strawes breadth.
Pha.
Nay he has a woorse fault then that too.
Phi.
A long heele?
Pha.
That were a fault in a Lady rather then him: No, they
say he puts of the Calues of his legges with his Stockings eue-
ry night.
Phi.
Out vpon him: turne to another of the Pictures for
Gods sake. What saies Argurion? whom do's she commend a-
fore the rest?
Cupid.
I hope I haue instructed her sufficiently for an an-
swere.
Mor.
Troth I made the motion to her Lady-ship for one to
day i'the Presence, but it appear'd shee was other wayes fur-
nisht before; She would none.
Pha.
Who was that Argurion?
Mor.
Mary the little, poore, plaine Gentlemā i'the black there.
Pha.
Who? Criticus?
Arg.
I, I, he; A fellow that no body so much as lookt vpon,
or regarded, and she would haue had me done him particuler
grace.
Pha.
That was a true trick of your selfe Moria, to perswade
Argurion affect the scholler.
Arg.
Tut; but she shalbe no chooser for me. In good faith I
like the Citizens sonne there Asotus, mee thinkes, none of
them all come neare him.
Pha.
Not Hedon?
Arg.
Hedon, in troth no. Hedon's a pretty slight Courtier,
and he weares his clothes well, and sometimes in fashion; mar-
ry his face is but indifferent, and he has no such excellent bo-
dy. No; th'other is a most delicate youth, a sweete face, a streight
body, a well proportion'd legge, and foote, a white hand, a ten-
der voyce.
Phi.
How now Argurion?
Pha.
O you should haue let her alone, she was bestowing a
Coppy of him vpon vs.
Phi.
Why she doates more palpably vpon him, then are his
Father did vpon her.
Pha.
Beleeue me, the young gentleman deserues it; if she
could doate more t'were not amisse: He is an exceeding pro-
per youth, and would haue made a most neate Barber-surge-
on, if he had beene put to it in time.
Phi.
Say you so? me thinkes, he lookes like a Taylor already.
Pha.
I, that had said on one of his Customers suites.
Arg.
Wel Ladyes, Iest on: the best of you both would be glad
of such a seruant.
Mor.
I, Ile be sworne would they: Go to Beauties, make much
of Time, and Place, and Occasion, and Opportunity, and Fauorites,
and things that belong to them; for Ile ensure you, they will all
relinquish; they cannot endure aboue another yeere; I know it
out of future experience, and therefore take exhibition, and
warning: I was once a Reueller my selfe, and though I speake
it (as mine owne Trumpet) I was then esteemd—
Phi.
The very Marchpane of the Court I warrant?
Pha.
And all the Gallants came about you like flies, did they
not?
Mor.
Go to; they did somewhat, that's no matter now. Here
comes Hedon.
SCENA. 2.
Hedon. Anaides. Mercury. Phantaste. Philautia.
Moria. Argurion. Cupid.
Hed.
Saue you sweete and cleare beauties: By the spirit that
mooues in me, you are almost pleasingly bestow'd Ladies.
Only, I can take it for no good Omen, to finde mine Honor so
deiected.
Phi.
You need not feare Sir, I did of purpose humble my
selfe against your comming, to decline the pride of my Ambi-
tion.
Hed.
Fayre Honor, Ambition dares not stoope; but if it be
your sweet pleasure, I shall loose that Title; I will (as I am
Hedon) apply my selfe to your bounties.
Phi.
That were the next way to distitle my selfe of Honor
: O no, rather be still Ambitious I pray you.
Hed.
I will be any thing that you please, whilst it pleaseth
you to be your selfe Lady. Sweete Phantaste, Deare Moria,
most beautifull Argurion.—
Anai.
Farewell Hedon.
Hed.
Anaides, Stay: wether go you?
Anai.
'Slight, what should I do here? and you engrose 'hem
all for your owne vse, 'tis time for me to seeke out.
Hed.
I engrose 'hem? Away mischiefe, this is one of your
extrauagant Iests now, because I began to salute 'hem by their
names—
Anai.
Faith you might haue spar'de vs Madame Prudence
the Guardian there, though you had more couetously aymde
at the rest.
Hed.
'Shart, take 'hem all man; what speake you to me of
ayming or Couetous?
Anai.
I, say you so? nay then, haue at 'hem: Ladies, heer's
one hath distinguish'd you by your names already; It shall
onely become me, to aske; How you doe?
Hed.
Gods so, was this the disseigne you trauel'd with?
Pha.
Who answers the Brazen head? it spoke to some body?
Anai.
Lady Wisedome, do you Interprete for these puppets?
Mor.
In truth, and sadnesse (Honors) you are in great offence
for this; goe too[unclear: ,] the Gentleman (Ile vndertake with him) is a
man of faire liuing[unclear: ;] and able to maintaine a Lady in her two
Coaches a day, besides Pages, Munkeys, and Parachitos, with
sutch attendants as she shall thinke meete for her turne; and
therefore there is more respect requirable, how soeuer you
seeme to conniue: Hearke you Sir, let me discourse a sillable
with you. I am to say to you, these Ladyes are not of that close,
and open behauiour, as happily you may suspend; their Cari-
adge is well knowne to be such as it should be, both gentle and
extraordinary.
Mer.
O here comes the other Payre.
SCENA. 3.
Amorphus. Asotus. Hedon. Anaides. Mercurie. Cupid.
Phantaste. Philautia. Argurion. Moria.
Amor.
That was your Fathers Loue, the Nymph Argurion.
I would haue you direct all your Courtship thither, if you
could but endeare your selfe to her affection, you were eternal-
ly engallanted.
Asot.
In truth Sir? pray Phœbus I prooue fauorsome in her
fayre eyes.
Amor.
All diuine mixture, and encrease of beauty, to this
bright Beuy of Ladyes; and to the male-Courtiers Complement,
and Courtesie.
Hed.
In the behalfe of the Males, I gratefie you Amorphus.
Phan.
And I of the Females.
Amor.
Succinctly spoken: I doe vale to both your thanks,
and kisse them; but primarily to yours, Most ingenious, acute,
and polite Lady.
Phi.
Gods my life, how he do's all to be qualifie her! Inge-
nious, Acute, and Polite? as if there were not others in place, as
Ingenious, Acute, and Polite, as she.
Hed.
Yes, but you must know Lady, he cannot speake out
of a Dictionary method.
Phan.
Sit downe sweete Amorphus. When will this water
come thinke you?
Amor.
It cannot now be long fayre Lady.
Cup.
Now obserue Mercury.
Asot.
How most Ambiguous beauty? Loue you? that I will
by this Hand-kercher.
Mer.
'Slid he drawes his oathes out of his pocket.
Arg.
But will you be constant?
Asotus.
Constant Madame? I will not say for Constant-
nesse, but by this Pursse (which I would bee loath to
sweare by, vnlesse 'twere embroyder'd)
I protest (more then most fayre Lady) you are the onely, absolute
and vn-Paraleld Creature, I do adore, and admire, and respect, and
reuerence in this Court, Corner of the world, or Kingdome, Me thinkes
you are Melancholy.
Arg.
Do's your heart speake all this?
Asot.
Say you?
Mer.
O he is groaping for another oath.
Asot.
Now by this Watch (I marle how forward the day
is) I do vnfaignedly vowe my selfe ('Slight 'tis deeper then I
tooke it, past fiue) your's entirely addicted, Madame.
Arg.
I require no more dearest Asotus, hence-forth let me
call you mine; and in remembrance of me, voutchsafe to weare
this Chaine, and this Diamond.
Asot.
O god sweete Lady.
Cup.
There are new oathes for him: what? dooth Hermes
taste no Alteration in all this?
Mer.
Yes, thou hast strooke Argurion enamour'd on Aso-
tus me thinkes?
Cup.
Alasse no; I am no body, I: I can do nothing in this
disguise.
Mercu.
But thou hast not wounded any of the rest, Cu.
pid?
Cup.
Not yet: it is enough that I haue begunne so prospe-
rously.
Arg.
Tut, these are nothing to the Gems I will howerly
bestow vpo[unclear: u] thee: be but faithfull and kinde to me, and I will
lade thee with my richest bounties: beholde here my Brace-
lets from mine Armes.
Asot.
Not so good Lady, By this Diamond.
Arg.
Take 'hem; weare 'hem: my Iewels, Chaine of Pearle,
Pendants, all I haue.
Asot.
Nay then, by this Pearle You make me a Wanton.
Cup.
Shall not she answere for this, to mainteine him thus
in swearing?
Mer.
O, no, there is a way to weane him from this:
the Gentleman may be reclaim'd.
Cup.
I, if you had the ayring of his apparell Cosse, I thinke.
Asot.
Louing? 'twere pitty I should be liuing else, beleeue
me. Saue you Sir. Saue you sweete Lady, Saue you Mounsieur
Anaides; Saue you deare Madame.
Ana.
Doo'st thou knowe him that saluted thee, He-
don?
Hedon.
No, some idle Fungoso I warrant you.
Ana.
'Sbloud, I neuer saw him till this morning, and he sa-
lutes me as familiarly, as if we had knowne together, since the
first yeare of the siege of Troy.
Amor.
A most right-handed, and auspicious encounter.
Confine your selfe to your fortunes.
Phi.
For gods sake lets haue some Riddles or Purposes;
hough.
Pha.
No faith, your Prophecies are best, the 'tother are
stale.
Phi.
Prophecies? wee cannot all fit in at them; we shall
make a confusion: no; what calde you that we had in the fore-
noone?
Pha.
Substantiues, and Adiectiues. Ist not Hedon?
Phi.
I that, who begins?
Pha.
I haue thought; speake your Adiectiues Sirs?
Phi.
But doe not you change then.
Pha.
Not I, Who sayes?
Mor.
Odoriferous.
Phi.
Popular.
Arg.
Humble.
Anai.
White-liuer'd.
Hedon.
Barbarous.
Amor.
Pythagoricall.
Hedon.
Yours Signior.
Asot.
What must I doe Sir?
Amor.
Giue foorth your Adiectiue with the rest; as Pro-
sperous, Good, Faire, Sweete, Well.
Hed.
Any thing that hath not bin spoken.
Asot.
Yes Sir:Well-spoken shall be mine.
Pha.
What? ha you all doone.
Omnes.
I.
Pha.
Then the Substantiue is Breeches. Why Odoriferous
Breeches Guardian?
Mor.
Odoriferous, because Odoriferous: that which con-
taines most variety of sauor, and smell, we say is most Odorife-
rous: now Breeches I presume are incident to that variety, and
therefore, Odoriferous Breeches.
Pha.
Well, we must take it howsoeuer, who's next, Phi-
lautia.
Phi.
Popular.
Pha.
Why Popular Breeches?
Phi.
Mary that is, when they are not content to be gene-
rally noted in Court; but will presse foorth on common Sta-
ges, and Brokers stalls, to the publique view of the world.
Pha.
Good: why Humble Breeches?Argurion.
Arg.
Humble, because they vse to be sat vpon; besides
if you tye 'hem not vp, their propertie is to fall downe about
your heeles.
Mer.
Shee has worne the Breeches it seemes which haue
done so.
Phan.
But why White-liuerd?
Anai.
Why? 'Sharte are not their linings white? besides,
when they come in swaggering company, and will pocket vp
any thing; may they not properly bee said to bee White-
liuerd?
Phan.
O yes, wee cannot deny it. And why Barbarous,
Hedon?
Hedon.
Barbarous, because commonly when you haue worne
your Breeches sufficiently, you giue them to your Barbar.
Amor.
That's good: but now Pythagoricall?
Pha.
I, Amorphus. Why Pythagoricall Breeches?
Amor.
O most kindly of all, 'tis a conceit of that Fortune;
I am bould to hug my braine for.
Phan.
How ist, Exquisite Amorphus?
Amor.
O I am rapt with it, 'tis so fit, so proper, so happy.
Phi.
Nay doe not rack vs thus?
Amor.
I neuer truly relisht my selfe before. Giue me your
eares. Breeches Pythagoricall, by reason of their transmigration
into seuerall shapes.
Moria.
Most rare in sweete troth. Mary this young Gen-
tleman, for his Well-spoken —
Phan.
I, why Well-spoken Breeches?
Asot.
Well-spoken: mary Well-spoken, because whatso-
euer they speake is well taken, and whatsoeuer is well taken, is
well-spoken.
Moria.
Excellent: beleeue me.
Asot.
Not so Ladyes neither.
Hedon.
But why Breeches now?
Phan.
Breeches quasi Beare-riches; when a gallant beares all
his Ritches in his Breeches.
Phi.
In good faith these vnhappy Pages, would be whipt
for staying thus.
Moria.
Beshrew my hand, and my hart else.
Amor.
I do wonder at their protraction.
Anai.
Pray God my whore haue not discouer'd her selfe to
the raskally Boyes, and that be the cause of their stay.
Asot.
I must sute my selfe with another Page; this idle Pro-
saites will neuer be brought to waite well.
Mor.
Sir I haue a kinseman I could willingly wish to your
seruice, if you would deigne to accept of him.
Asot.
And I shalbe glad (most sweet Lady) to imbrace him;
where is he?
Mor.
I can fetch him Sir, but I would be loath to make you
turne away your other Page.
Asot.
You shall not most sufficient Lady, I will keepe both:
pray you lets go see him.
Arg.
Whether goes my Loue?
Asot.
Ile returne presently; I go but to see a Page with this Lady.
Anaid.
As sure as Fate 'tis so; shee ha's opened all:
A poxe of all Cocatrices. Damne mee if shee haue playde
loose with me, Ile cut her throate within a hayres bredth, so it
may be heald againe.
Mercu.
What is he Iealous of his Hermaphrodite?
Cup.
O I, this will be excellent sporte.
Phi.
Phantaste, Argurion, what? you are sodainly stroake
me thinkes; for Gods will lets ha' some Musique till they
come. Ambition reach the Lyra I pray you.
Hedon.
Any thing to which my Honor shall direct me.
Phi.
Come Amorphus; cheare vp Phantaste.
Amor.
It shall be my pride faire Lady to attempt all that is
in my power. But heere is an Instrument that (alone) is able to
infuse soule in the most melancholique, and dull disposde
Creature vpon earth; O! let me kisse thy faire knees: Beauteous
eares attend it.
Hedon.
Will you haue the Kisse Honor.
Phi.
I good Ambition.
O That Ioy so soone should wast!
or so sweet a blisse
as a Kisse,
Might not for euer last!
So sugred, so melting, so soft, so delicious,
The dew that lyes on Roses,
When the Morne her selfe discloses,
is not so pretious:
O, rather then I would it smother,
Were I to taste such another;
It should be my wishing
That I might dye kissing.
Hedon.
I made this Ditty and the Note to it vpon a kisse that
my Honor gaue me; how like you it Sir.
Amor.
A pretty Ayre; in generall I like it well. But in par-
ticuler, your long die-Note did arride me most, but it was som-
what too long: I can shew one, almost of the same nature, but
much before it, and not so long; in a Composition of mine
owne: I thinke I haue both the Note, and Ditty about me.
Hed.
Pray you Sir see.
Amor.
Yes there is the Note; and all the parts if I mis-thinke
not. I will reade the Ditty to your Beauties here, but first I am
to make you familiar with the occasion, which presents it
selfe thus. Vpon a time, going to take my leaue of the Empe-
rour, and kisse his great handes; there being then present, the
Kings of Fraunce, and Arragon, the Dukes of Sauoy, Florence,
Orleance, Bourbon, Brunswick, the Lantgraue, Count Palatine, all
which had seuerally feasted me; besides infinite more of infe-
riour persons, as Earles, and others: it was my chance (the Em-
perour detain'd by some other affayre) to waite him the fifth
part of an houre, or much nere it. In which time (retiring my
selfe into a Bay-window) I encountred the Lady Annabel neice
to the Empresse, and sister to the king of Arragon; who (hauing
neuer before eyde me, but onely heard the common report of
my Vertue, Learning and Trauaile) fell into that extremity of
passion, for my loue, that she there immediatly sounded: Phisi-
tians were sent for; she had to her chamber; so to her bed; where
(languishing some few daies) after many times calling vpon
me, with my name in her mouth, she expirde. As that (I must
needes say) is the onely fault of my Fortune, that as it hath euer
bin my hap to be sew'd to by all Ladies, and Beauties where
I haue come; so, I neuer yet soiourn'd, or rested in that place,
or part of the world, where some great and admirable faire
Creature died not for my loue.
Mer.
O the sweete power of trauaile, are you guilty of this
Cupid?
Cup.
No Mercury; and that his page (Cos) knowes, and he were
here present to be sworne.
Phi.
But how doth this draw on the Ditty Sir.
Mor.
O she is to quick with him; he hath not deuis'd that
yet.
Amor.
Marry some houre beefore shee departed, she be-
queath'd to me this Gloue; which the Emperour himselfe tooke
care to send after me, in sixe Coaches, couer'd all with black-
veluet, attended by the state of his Empire; all which he freely
gaue me, and I reciprocally (out of the same bounty) gaue it to
the Lords that brought it: onely reseruing, and respecting, the
gift of the deceasde Lady, vpon which I compos'd this Ode,
and set it to my most affected Instrument the Lyra.
THou more then most sweete Gloue,
Vnto my more sweete Loue;
Suffer me to store, with kisses
This empty lodging, that now misses
The pure Rosie hand that ware thee,
Whiter then the Kid that bare thee:
Thou art soft, but that was softer;
Cupids selfe hath kist it ofter,
Then ere he did his mothers Doues,
Supposing her the Queene of Loues
That was thy Mistris
Best of Gloues.
Mer.
Blasphemy, Blasphemy Cupid.
Cup.
I, Ile reuenge it time inough; Hermes.
Phi.
Good Amorphus, let's here it sung.
Amor.
I care not to do that, since it pleaseth Philautia to re-
quest it.
Hed.
Heere Sir.
Amor.
Nay play it I pray you, you do well, you do well: how
like you it Sir?
Hed.
Very well in troath.
Amor.
But very well? O you are a meere Mammothrept in
iudgement then: why do you not obserue how excellently
the Ditty is affected in euery place? that I do not marry a word
of short quantity, to a long Note. nor an ascending Sillable
to a discending Tone. Besides vpon the worde Best there,
you see how I do enter with an odde Minnum, and driue it
thorough the Briefe, which no intelligent Musitian (I know)
but will affirme to bee very rare, extraordinary, and plea-
sing.
Mer.
And yet not fit to lament the death of a Lady for all this.
Cup.
Tut heere be they will swallow any thing.
Phantast.
Pray you let mee haue a coppy of it Amor-
phus.
Phi.
And me too, in troath I like it exceedingly.
Amor.
I haue denyed it to Princes, neuerthelesse to
you (the true Female Twinnes of Perfection) I am wonne
to depart withall.
Hed.
I hope I shall haue my Honors coppy.
Pha.
You are Ambitious in that Hedon.
Enter Anaides.
Amor.
How now Anaides? what is it hath coniur'd vp this
distemperature in the circle of your face?
Anai.
'Sblod what haue you to do? A pox of God o' your
filthy trauailing Beard; hold your tongue.
Hed.
Nay, dost heare mischiefe?
Anai.
Away Musk-cat.
Amor.
I say to thee: Thou art rude, impudent, course, im-
polisht; a Frapler, and base.
Hed.
Heart of my father, what a strange alteration has halfe
a yeeres haunting of Ordinaries wrought in this fellow? that
came with a Tuff-taffata Ierkin to Towne but th'other
day, and now hee is turn'd Hercules, hee wants but a
Club.
Anai.
Sir, I will garter my hose with your guttes; and that
shall be all.
Mercur.
'Slid what rare fire workes bee heere? flash,
flash.
Pha.
What's the matter Hedon? can you tell?
Hed.
Nothing but that he lacks mony, & thinkes weele lend
him some to be friends.
Asot.
Come sweete Lady[unclear: .] in good truth ile haue it, you shall
not deny me; Morus perswade your Aunt I may haue her pic-
ture, by any meanes.
Morus.
Yes Sir: good Aunt now, let him haue it; he will vse
me the better, if you loue me, do good Aunt.
Moria.
Well, tell him he shall haue it.
Morus.
Maister, you shall haue it, she saies;
Asot.
Shall I? thanke her good Page.
Cup.
What has he entertaind the Foole?
Mer.
I, heele waite close you shall see, though the Begger
hang off.
Morus.
Aunt my maister thankes you.
Moria.
Call him hether.
Morus.
Yes: maister.
Moria.
Yes in very truth, and gaue me this Pursse, and he
ha's promis'd me a most fine Dog; which he will haue drawne
with my Picture, and desires most vehemently to be knowne
to your Ladyshipps.
Pha.
Call him hether, 'tis good groping such a Gull.
Moria.
Maister Asotus. Maister Asotus.
Asot.
For Gods sake, let me go: you see, I am call'd to the
Ladies.
Argu.
Wilt thou forsake me then?
Asotus[unclear: ,]
Gods so, what would you haue mee doe?
Moria.
Come hither maister Asotus; I do ensure your La-
dyships, he is a Gentleman of a very worthy desart; and of a
most bountifull nature. You must shew and insinuate your
selfe responsible, and equiualent now to my commendment.
Good Honors grace him.
Asot.
I protest (more then most faire Ladyes) I doe wish all
variety of diuine pleasure, choyse sport, sweete Musique, ritch Fare,
braue Attyres, soft Beds, and silken Thoughts, attend these fayre
Beauties. Will it please your Ladyship to weare this Chaine of
Pearle, and this Diamond for my sake.
Arg.
O.
Asot.
And you Madam this Iewell, and Pendants.
Arg.
O.
Phan.
We know not how to deserue these bounties out of
so slight merrit, Asotus.
Phi.
No in faith, but the'rs my Gloue for a fauor.
Phan.
And soone after the Reuels I will bestowe a Garter
on you.
Asot.
O Lord Ladyes, it is more grace then euer I could haue
hop'd, but that it pleaseth your Ladyships to extend; I protest
it is enough that you but take knowledge of my—if your
Ladiships want embroydered Gownes, Tyres of any Fashion,
Rebatus, Iewels, or Carkanets, any thing what soeuer; if you
vouchsafe to accept.
Cup.
And for it they will helpe you to Shoo-tyes, and de-
uises.
Asot.
I cannot vtter my selfe (Deare Beauties) but; you can
conceiue—
Arg.
O.
Phan.
Sir we will acknowledge your seruice doubt not;
henceforth you shall be no more Asotus to vs, but our Golde-
Finch, and we your Cages.
Hedon.
O God Madams, how shall I deserue this? if I were
but made acquainted with Hedon now; Ile trye: pray you a-
way.
Mer.
How he prayes Money to go away from him.
Asot.
Amorphus, a word with you: heeres a Watch I would
bestowe vpon you, pray you make mee knowne to that Gal-
lant.
Amor.
That I will Sir. Mounsieur Hedon I must intreate
you to exchange knowledge with this Gentleman.
Hed.
'Tis a thing (next to the water we expect) I thirste
after Sir. Good Mounsieur Asotus.
Asot.
Good Mounsieur Hedon, I would be glad to bee
lou'd of men of your Ranke, and spirit, I protest. Please you
to accept this payre of Bracelets Sir, they are not worth the
bestowing.
Mer.
O Hercules; how the Gentleman purchases? this must
needes bring Argurion to a consumption.
Hed.
Sir, I shall neuer stand in the merit of such Bounty[unclear: .]
I feare.
Asot.
O Lord Sir; your acquaintance shall be sufficient.
And if at any time you neede my Bill or my Bond.
Arg.
O, O.
Amor.
Helpe the Lady there.
Moria.
Gods deare, Argurion. Madam, how do you?
Arg.
Sicke.
Phan.
Haue her foorth and giue her ayre.
Asot.
I come againe streight Ladyes.
Mer.
Well, I doubt all the Phisique he ha's, will scarce re-
couer her; shee's too farre spent.
Exeunt Asotus, Morus, Argurion.
SCENA. 4.
Anaides. Gelaia. Cos. Prosaites. Philautia. Phantaste.
Moria. Amorphus. Hedon.
Phi.
O heer's the Water come: fetche Glasses Page.
Gelaia.
Heart of my body, heeres a coyle indeed with your
Iealous humors. Nothing but Whore, and Bitch, and all the
villanous swaggering names you can thinke on? 'Slid take
your Bottle, and put it in your guttes for me, Ile see you poxt
ere I follow you any longer?
Anai.
Nay good Punke, sweete Rascall; damne me if I am
Iealous now.
Gelaia.
That's true indeed, pray lets goe.
Moria.
What's the matter there?
Gelaia.
Slight he has me vpon Intergatories, (nay my Mo-
ther shall know how you vse me)where I haue beene? and why
I should stay so long? and how ist possible? and with-all calles
me at his pleasure; I knowe not how many Cocatrices, and
things.
Moria.
In truth and sadnesse, these are no good Epithites
Anaides: to bestow vpon any Gentlewoman; and (Ile ensure
you) if I had knowne you would haue dealt thus with my
Daughter, she should neuer haue fancied you so deeply, as she
has doone. Goe too.
Anai.
Why doe you heare Mother Moria. Heart.
Moria.
Nay I pray you Sir doe not sweare.
Anai.
Sweare? why? Sblood I haue sworne afore now I
hope. Both you and your daughter mistake me; I haue not
honor'd Arete that is helde the worthyest Lady in the Court
(next to Cynthia) with halfe that obseruance and respect, as
I haue doone her in priuate, howsoeuer outwardly I haue ca-
ried my selfe carelesse and negligent. Come you are a foolish
Punke, and know not when you are well employde. Kisse me.
Come on. Do it I say.
Moria.
Nay, indeed I must confesse she is apt too mispri-
sion. But I must haue you leaue it Minion.
sotus.
Amor.
How now Asotus? how do's the Lady?
Asot.
Fayth ill. I haue left my Page with her at her lodging.
Hed.
O heer's the rarest Water that euer was tasted; fill
him some.
Prosai.
What? has my Maister a new Page?
Mer.
Yes a kinsman of the Lady Morias: you must waite
better now, or you are casheer'd Prosaites.
Anai.
Come Gallants; you must pardon my foolish humor,
when I am angry, that any thing crosses me, I grow impatient
streight[unclear: .] Here I drinke to you.
Phi.
O that we had fiue or sixe Bottles more of this liquor.
Pha.
Now I commend your iudgement Amorphus: who's
that knockes? looke Page.
Moria.
O most delicious, a little of this would make Arguri-
on well.
Pha.
O no giue her no colde drinke by any meanes.
Anai.
Sblood, this water is the spirit of Wine, Ile be hangd
else.
Cup.
Heeres the Lady Arete Madam.
SCENA. 5.
Arete. Phantaste. Philautia. Moria. Anaides. Gelaia. Cos.
Prosaites. Amorphus. Asotus. Hedon. Mercury. Cupid.
Arete.
What at your Beuer Gallants?
Moria.
Wilt please your Lady-shipp drinke, tis of the new
fountaine water.
Arete.
Not I, Moria; I thanke you: Gallants you must pro-
uide for some solemne Reuels to night, Cynthia is minded to
come foorth, and grace your sports with her presence; therefore
I could wish there were some thing extraordinary to enter-
taine her.
Amo.
What say you to a Masque?
Hed.
Nothing better, if the Inuention or Proiect were new
and rare.
Arete.
Why, Ile send for Criticus, and haue his aduise; you
will be ready in your indeuours;
Pha.
Yes; but will not your Lady-ship stay?
Arete.
Not now Phantaste.
Exit.
Phi.
Let her go, I pray you; good Lady Sobriety, I am glad
we are rid of her.
Pha.
What a set Face the gentlewoman has, as she were still
going to a Sacrifice?
Phi.
O shee is the extraction of a dozen of Puritans, for a
looke.
Moria
Of all Nimphs 'i[unclear: t]he Court I cannot away with her:
'tis the coursest thing——
Phi.
I wounder how Cynthia can affect her so aboue the
rest! Heere be they are euery way as faire as she, and a thought,
fayrer, I trow.
Pha.
I, and as ingenious, and conceipted as she.
Moria.
I and as politique as she, for all she sets such a Fore-
head on't.
Phi.
Would I were dead if I would change to bee Cyn-
thia.
Pha.
Or I.
Moria.
Or I.
Amor.
And there's her Minion Criticus; why his aduise
more then Amorphus? haue I not Inuention, afore him?
Learning, to better that Inuention, aboue him? and Tra-
uaile.——
Anai.
Death, what talke you of his Learning? he vnder-
stands no more then a schoole-Boy; I haue put him downe my
selfe a thousand times (by this Ayre) and yet I neuer talkt with
him but twise in my life; you neuer saw his like: I could neuer
get him to argue with me, but once, and then because I could
not construe a peece of Horace at first sighte, he went awaye
and laught at mee. By Gods will, I scorne him, as I do the
sodden Nimph that was heere euen now; his mistris Arete:
And I loue my selfe for nothing else.
Hed.
I wonder the Fellow doe's not hang himselfe, being
thus scorn'd, and contemn'd of vs that are held the most ac-
complisht Society of Gallants!
Mer.
By your selues none else.
Hed.
I protest, if I had no Musique in me, no Courtship;
that I were not a Reueller and could daunce, or had not those
excellent qualities that giue a man Life, and Perfection,
but a meere poore Scholler as he is, I thinke I should make
some desperate way with my selfe; whereas now (would I
might neuer breath more) if I do know that Creature in this
kingdome, with whome I would change.
Cup.
This is excellent: well I must alter this soone.
Mer.
Looke you do Cupid.
Asot.
O I shall tickle it soone; I did neuer appeare till then.
Slid I am the neatliest-made Gallant i' the company, & haue the
best presence; and my dauncing — I know what the Vsher
saide to me the last time I was at the schoole; would I might
leade Philautia in the measure, and 'tweere gods will. I am most
worthy, I am sure.
Morus.
Maister I can tell you newes, the Lady kist me yon-
der, and plaid with me; and sayes she lou'd you once, as well as
she do's me, but that you cast her of.
Asot.
Peace my most esteemed Page.
Morus.
Yes.
Amor.
Gallants, thinke vpon your Time, and take it by the
forehead; Anaides, we must mixe this gentleman with you in
acquaintance. Mounsieur Asotus.
Anai.
I am easily intreated to grace any of your friends, A-
morphus.
Asot.
Sir, and his friends shall likewise grace you Sir. Nay I
begin to know my selfe now.
Amor.
O, you must continue your Bounties.
Asot.
Must I? why ile giue him this Ruby on my fin-
ger.
Hed.
Come Ladies; but stay we shall want one to Lady it in
our Masque in place of Argurion.
Anai.
Why my page shall do it, Gelaia.
Hed.
Troth and he'le do it well, it shalbe so.
Asot.
Do you heere Sir, I do hartely wish your acquain-
tance, and I partly know my selfe worthy of it; please you Sir,
to accept this poore Ruby in a Ring Sir. The Poesie is of my
owne deuise. Let this blush for me Sir.
Anai.
So it must for me, too. For I am not asham'd to take it.
Morus.
Sweete man, by my troath maister I loue you;
will you loue me to? for my Aunts sake? Ile waite well you
shall see, Ile still be heere. Would I might neuer stirre, but you
are in gay clothes.
Asot.
As for that Morus, thou shalt see more here after, in
the meane time, by this Ayre, or by this Fether, ile do as much
for thee as any Gallant shall do for his Page whatsoeuer, in this
Court, corner of the world, or Kingdome.
Mercury.
I wounder this gentleman should affect to
keepe a Foole, mee thinkes he makes sport enough with him
selfe.
Cup.
Well Prosaites tweere good you did waite closer.
Pro.
I, Ile looke to it; 'tis time.
Cos.
Wee are like to haue sumptuous Reuells to night
Sirs.
Mer.
We must needes when all the choisest Singularities
of the Court are vp in Pantofles, nere a one of them, but is able
to make a whole shew of it selfe.
Hedon within.
Hed.
Sirah a Torch, a torch.
Mercury.
O what a call is there? I will haue a Canzonet
made with nothing in it but Sirah[unclear: s]; and the Burthen shalbe. I
come.
Exeunt Omnes.
SCENA. 6.
Arete. Criticus.
Crit.
——. A masque, bright Arete?
Why tweere a labour more for Hercules.
Better, and sooner durst I vndertake:
To make the different seasons of the Yeere,
The Windes, or Elements to sympathize;
Then their vnmeasurable vanity
Daunce truely in a measure: They agree?
What though all Concord's borne of Contraries?
So many Follies will confusion prooue,
And like a sort of iarring Instruments,
All out of tune; because (indeed) we see
There is not that Analogy twixt Discords,
As betweene things but meerely opposite.
Aret.
There is your error; for as Hermes wande
Charmes the disorders, of tumultuous Ghosts,
And as the strife of Chaos then did cease,
When better light then Natures did arriue;
So, what could neuer in it selfe agree,
Forgetteth the eccentrick property,
And at her sight turnes foorthwith regular,
Whose scepter guides the flowing Ocean:
And though it did not, yet the most of them
(Being eyther Courtiers, or not wholy rude)
Respect of Maiesty, the Place, and Presence,
Will keepe them within Ring; especially
When they are not presented as themselues,
But masqu'd like others: for (in troth) not so
T'incorporate them, could be nothing else
Then like a State vngouern'd, without lawes; or
A body made of nothing but diseases;
The one, through impotencie poore, and wretched;
The other for the Anarchy absurd.
Crit.
But Lady, for the Reuellers themselues;
It would be better (in my poore conceipt,)
That others were imploy'd; for such as are
Vnfit to be in Cynthias Court, can seeme
No lesse vnfit to be in Cynthias sports.
Aret.
That is not done (my Criticus) without
Particular knowledge of the Goddesse minde;
Who (holding true intelligence, what Follyes
Had crept into her Pallace) she resolu'd,
Of sports, and Triumphs; vnder that pretext,
To haue them muster in their Pompe and Fulnesse:
That so she might more strictly, and to roote,
Effect the Reformation she intends.
Crit.
I now conceiue her heauenly drift in all;
And will apply my spirits to serue thy will:
O thou, the very power by which I am;
And but for which, it were in vaine to be;
Chiefe next Diana, Virgin, heauenly fayre[unclear: .]
Admired Arete, (of them admir'd
Whose soules are not enkindled by the sence)
Disdeigne not my chast fire, but feed the flame
Deuoted truely to thy gracious name.
Arete.
Leaue to suspect vs: Criticus shall finde
As we are now most deare, weele prooue most kinde.
Arete Within.
Arete.
Harke, I am cald.
Exit.
Crit.
I follow instantly,
Phœbus Apollo: if with ancient Rites,
And due Deuotions, I haue euer hung
Elaborate P[unclear: æ]ans on thy golden Shrine,
Or sung thy Triumphs in a lofty straine;
Fit for a Theater of Gods to heare:
And thou the other sonne of mighty Ioue
Cyllenian Mercury(sweete Maias ioye)
If in the busie tumults of the minde,
My path thou euer hast illumined:
For which, thine Altars I haue oft perfum'de,
And deckt thy Statue with discoulored flowers:
Now thriue Inuention in this glorious Court,
That not of bounty only, but of right,
Cynthia may grace, and giue it life by sight.
ACTVS QVINTVS.
SCENA. I.
Hesperus. Cynthia. Arete. TymE.
Phronesis. Thauma.
Hesp.
QVeene and Huntresse, chaste, and fayre,
Now the Sunne is layde to sleepe,
Seated, in thy siluer Chayre,
State in wonted maner keepe:
Hesperus intreats thy light,
Goddesse excellently bright.
Earth, let not thy enuious shade
Dare it selfe to interpose;
Cynthias shining Orbe was made
Heauen to cleare, when day did close:
Blesse vs then with wished sight,
Goddesse excellently bright.
Lay thy Bowe of Pearle apart[unclear: .]
And thy Christall-shining Quiuer;
Giue vnto the flying Hart,
Space to breath, how short soeuer.
Thou, that makst a day of night,
Goddesse excellently Bright.
Exit.
Cynth.
When hath Diana, like an enuious wretch,
That glitters onely to his soothed selfe,
Denying to the world the precious vse
Of hoorded wealth, with-held her friendly ayde?
Mon'thly we spend our still-repaired shine,
And not forbid our Virgin-waxen torch,
To burne, and blaze while nutriment doth last:
That once consum'd, out of Ioues treasury
Anew we take, and stick it in our Spheare
To giue the mutinous kinde of wanting men,
Their lookt for light. Yet what is their desert?
”Bounty is wrongd, interpreted as due;
”Mortalls can chalenge not a Ray but right,
”Yet do exspect the whole of Cynthias light:
But if that Deities with-drew their guifts,
For humane Follies, what should men deserue
But Death and Darknesse? It behooues the high,
For their owne sakes to do things worthely.
Arete.
Most true, most sacred goddesse; for the Heauens
Receiue no good of all the good they do:
Nor Ioue, nor you, nor other heauenly Power,
Are fed with Fumes, which do from Incense rise,
Or Sacrifices reeking in their gore:
Yet for the care which you of mortalls haue,
(Whose proper Good it is, that they be so;)
You well are pleas'd with Odours redolent:
But ignorant is all the Race of men,
Which still complaines, not knowing why, or when.
Cyn.
Else noble Arete, they would not blame,
And taxe for or vniust, or for as proud
Thy Cynthia, in the things which are indeed
The greatest glories in our starry crowne:
Such is our Chastity, which safely scornes,
Not Loue (for who more feruently doth loue
Immortall Honor, and diuine Renowne?)
But giddy Cupid, Venus frantick sonne.
Yet Arete, if by this vayled light
We but discouer'd (what we not discerne)
Any the least of imputations, stand
Ready to sprinkle our vnspotted fame,
With note of lightnesse, from these Reuels neare:
Not, for the Empire of the Vniuerse
Should Night or Court, this whatsoeuer shine
Or grace of ours, vnhappely enioy.
”Place, and Occasion are two priuy Thieues;
”And from poore innocent Ladies, often steale
”(The best of things) an honourable Name:
”To stay with Follyes, or where Faults may be,
”Infers a Crime, although the party free.
Aret.
How Cynthianly (that is how worthely
And like her selfe) the matchlesse Cynthia speakes!
Infinite Iealousies, infinite Reguards,
Do watch about the true virginity:
But Phœbe liues from all not onely fault,
But as from thought, so from suspicion free,
”Thy Presence broad-seales our delights for pure,
”What's done in Cynthius sight, is done secure.
Cynt.
That then so answer'd (Dearest Arete)
What th'Argument, or of what sort, our Sports
Are like to be this night; I not demaund.
Nothing which Duty, and desire to please
Beares written in the forehead, comes amisse;
But vnto whose Inuention, must we owe,
The complement of this nights furniture?
Aret.
Excellent Goddesse, to mans, whose worth,
(Without Hyperbole,) I thus may praise;
One (at least) studious, of deseruing well:
And (to speake truth) indeed deseruing well,
”Potentiall merit stands for actuall,
”Where only Opportunity dooth want,
”Not Will, nor Power: both which in him abound.
One whom the Muses, and Minerua loue;
For whom should they more loue then Criticus,
Whom Phœbus (though not Fortune) holdeth deare?
And (which conuinceth excellence in him,)
A principall admirer of your selfe:
Euen, through th'vngentle iniuries of Fate,
And difficulties, which do vertue choake,
Thus much of him appeares. What other things
Of farther note, do lye vnborne in him,
Them I do leaue for cherishment to shew.
And for a Goddesse graciously to iudge.
Cynt.
We haue already iudg'd him Arete:
Nor are we ignorant, how noble mindes
Suffer too much through those indigities,
Which Times, and vicious Persons cast on them:
Our selfe haue euer vowed to esteeme
(As Vertue, for it selfe) so Fortune, base;
Who first in Worth, the same be first in Place.
Nor farther notice (Arete) we craue
Then thine approualls soueraigne warranty:
Let, be thy care, to make vs knowne to him;
”Cynthia shall brighten what the World made dim.
SCENA. 2. THE FIRST MASQVE.
Cupid like Anteros.
Ante. Cleare Pearle of Heauen, and not to be farther ambitious
in titles) Cynthia. The fame of this illustrious night, among others
hath also drawne these foure faire Virgins from the Pallace of their
Queene Perfection (a word, which makes no sufficient difference,
twixt hers, and thine) to visit thy Imperiall Court: for she their Soue-
raigne Lady, not finding where to dwel among men, before her returne
to heauen: aduised them wholy to consecrate themselues to thy Cœle-
stiall seruice, as in whose cleare Spirit (the proper Element, and Sph[unclear: a]re
of vertues) they should behould not her alone, (their euer honor'd
Mistresse) but themselues) more truely themselues) to liue en-
thronised. Her selfe would haue commended them vnto thy fauor
more particularly, but that she knowes no commendation is more auail-
able with thee then that of proper vertue: Neuerthelesse, she wilde
them to present this Christall Mound, a note of Monarchy, and
Symbole of Perfection, to thy more worthy Deity; which as heere by
me they most humbly do, so amongst the Rarities thereof, that is the
chiefe, to shew whatsoeuer the world hath excellent, howsoeuer re-
mote and various. But your irradiate iudgement will soone disco-
uer the secrets of this little Christall world. Themselues (to appeare
the more plainly) because they know nothing more odious then false
pretexts: haue chosen to expresse their seuerall qualities thus in seue-
rall coulors.
1 The first in Citron coullour is naturall Affection, which giuen
vs to procure our good, is sometime called Storge, and as euery one is
neerest to himselfe, so this Hand-maid of Reason, allowable Selfe-loue,
as it is without harme, so are none without it: Her place in the Court
of Perfection was to quicken mindes in the pursute of Honor. Her
deuice is a Perpendicular Leuell vpon a Cube or Square. The
word, SE SUO MODVLO: alluding to that true measure of ones selfe, which as euery one ought to make, so is it most conspicuous
in thy diuine example.
2 The second in Greene is Aglaia, delectable and pleasant Con-
uersation, whose property it is to mooue a kindly delight, and sometime
not without laughter: Her office to entertaine assemblies, and keepe
societies together with fayre familliarity. Her deuice within a Ring
of clouds, a Heart with shine about it, the worde, CVRARVM
NVBILA PELLO. An Allegory of Cynthias light,
which no lesse cleares the Skie, then her fayre Mirthe the heart.
3 The third, in discoulour'd Mantle spangled all ouer, isEu-
phantaste, a well conceited Wittinesse, and imployde in honouring
the Courte with the ritches of her pure Inuention. Her deuice vpon a
Petasus, or Merc[unclear: n]riall Hat, a Crescent. The worde; SIC
LAVS INGENII: Inferring that the praise and glory of
wit, doth euer increase, as dooth thy growing Moone.
4 The fourth in White is Apheleia, a Nymph as pure and sim-
ple as the Soule, or as an abrase Table, and is therefore calledSympli-
city; without foulds, without pleights, without coullour, without coun-
terfeit: and (to speake plainely) Plainenesse it selfe. Her deuice is no De-
uice. The word vnder her siluer Shield: OMNIS ABEST
FVCVS, alluding to thy spotlesse selfe, who art as farre from Impu-
rity, as from Mortality.
My selfe (Cœlestiall Goddesse) more fit for the Court ofCyn-
thia, then the Arbors of Cythere, am call'd Anteros, or Loues ene-
my; the more welcome therefore to thy Court, and the fitter to conduct
this Quaternio, who as they are thy professed Votaries, and for that
cause aduersaries to Loue, yet thee (Perpetuall Virgin)they both
loue, and vow to loue eternally.
SCENA. 3.
Cynthia. Arete. Criticus.
Cynthia.
Not without wounder, nor with out delight,
Mine eyes haue veiwd in Contemplations depth,
This worke of wit, diuine, and excellent:
What Shape? what Substance? or what vnknowne Power
In virgins habit crown'd with Lawrell leaues
And Oliue branches wouen in betweene,
On Sea-girt Rocke like to a Goddesse shines?
O front! O face! O all celestiall sure
And more then mortall! Arete, behould
Another Cynthia, and another Queene,
Whose glory (like a lasting Plenilune)
Seems ignorant of what it is to wane.
Not vnder heauen an Obiect could be found
More fit to please; let Criticus approach,
Bounty forbids to paull our thankes with stay,
Or to deferre our fauour after view:
”The time of Grace is, when the Cause is new.
Arete.
Lo heere the man (coelestiall Delia)
Who (like a Circle bounded in it selfe,)
Containes as much, as Man in fulnesse may,
Lo here the man; who, not of vsuall earth,
But of that nobler, and more precious mould
Which Phœbus selfe doth temper, is compos'd;
And, who (though all were wanting to reward,
Yet, to himselfe he would not wanting be:
Thy Fauors gaine is his Ambitions most,
And labours best;[unclear] who (humble in his height)
Stands fixed filent in thy glorious sight.
Cynthia.
With no lesse pleasure, then we haue beheld,
This pretious Christall, worke of rarest wit,
Our, eye doth reade thee, now, our Criticus;
Whom Learning, Vertue, and our Fauour last,
Exempteth from the gloomy Multitude.
”With common eye the Supreme should not see,
Hence forth be ours, the more thy selfe to be.
Crit.
Heauens purest light, whose Orbe may be eclips'd,
But not thy Praise; (diuinest Cynthia)
How much too narrow for so high a grace,
Thy (saue therein) vnworthy Criticus:
Doth finde himselfe? for euer shine thy Fame;
Thine Honours euer, as thy Beauties do;
In me they must, my darke worldes chiefest Lights;
By whose propitious beames my powres are rais'd
To hope some part of those most losty points,
Which blessed Arete hath pleas'd to name
As markes, which my 'ndeuors steps should bend:
Mine, as begunne at thee, in thee must end.
SCENA.4. THE SECOND MASQVE.
Mercury as a Page.
Mer.
Sister of Phœbus to whose bright Orbe we owe, that we not
complaine of his Absence; These foure Brethren (for they are Brethrẽ
and sonnes of Eutaxia, a Lady knowne, and highly belou'd of your
resplendent Deity) not able to be absent, when Cynthia held a solemp-
nity, officiously insinuate themselues into thy presence: For as there are
foure Cardinall vertues, vpon which the whole Frame of the Court
dooth mooue, so are these the foure Cardinall properties without which
the Body of Complement mooueth not. With th[unclear: o]se foure siluer Iauelins
(which they beare in their hands) they support in Princes Courts the
state of the Presence, as by office they are obliged; which though heere
they may seeme superfluous, yet for Honors sake they thus presume to
visite thee, hauing also bin imployde in the Pallace of QueenePer-
fection. And though to them, that would make themselues gratious
to a Goddesse, Sacrifices were fitter then Presents or Impresses, yet
they both hope thy fauor, and (in place of eyther) vse seuerallSym-
bolescontaining the titles of thy imperiall Dignity.
1 The hithermost in the changeable blew, and greene Roabe, is
the commendably-fashionate Gallant Eucosmos; whose Courtly Ha-
bit is the grace of the Presence, and delight of the surueying eye: whom
Ladies vnderstand by the names of Neate, & Elegant. His Symbol
is DIUÆ VIRGINI, in which he would expresse thy Dei-
ties principall glory, which hath euer bin Virginity.
2 The second in the ritch Acoutrement, and Roabe of Purple
empaled with Gold, is Eupathes; who intertaines his minde with an h
armlesse, but not incurious variety: All the Obiects of his sences are
Sumptuous, himselfe a Gallant, that without excesse can make vse of
superfluities: goe ritchly in Imbroyders, Iewels, (and what not?)with-
out Vanity; and fare delicately without Gluttony: and therefore (not
without cause) is vniuersally thought to be of fine humor. HisSym-
boleis DIVÆ OPTIMÆ. An attribute to expresse thy
Goodnesse in which thou so resemblest Ioue thy father.
3. The third in the blush-collourd Sute is Eutolmos, as duly
respecting others, as neuer neglecting himselfe; commonly knowne by
the title of Good Audacitie, to Courts and courtly assemblies, a guest
most acceptable. His Simbole is DIVÆ VIRAGINI, To
expresse thy hardy Courage, in chase of Sauage beasts which har-
bor in Woods, and Wildernesse.
4. The fourth in Watchet-Tinsell, is the kinde, and truly Be-
nefique Eucolos. Who imparteth not without respect, but yet without
difficulty: and hath the happinesse to make euery kindnesse seeme dou-
ble, by the timely, and freely bestowing thereof, he is the chiefe of them
who (by the vulgar) are said to be of Good Nature. His Symbole is
DIVÆ MAXIMÆ, An Adiunct to signifie thygreat-
nesse, which in heauen, earth, and hell is formidable.
SCENA. 5. THE MASQVES Ioyne.
Cupid, Mercury.
Cup.
Is not that Amorphus the Traueller?
Mer.
As though it were not? do you not see how his legges
are in trauaile with a Measure?
Cup.
Hedon, thy maister is next.
Mer.
What will Cupid turne Nomenclator, and cry them?
Cup.
No faith, but I haue a Comedy toward, that would not
be lost for a kingdome.
Mer.
In good time, for Cupid will prooue the Comedy.
Cup.
Mercury, I am studying how to match them.
Mer.
How too mismatch them, were harder.
Cup.
It is the Nymphes must do it, I shall sport my selfe with
their passions aboue measure.
Mer.
Those Nymphes would be tam'd a little indeed, but I
feare thou hast not Arrowes for the purpose.
Cup.
O yes, here be of all sorts, Flightes, Rouers, and But-
shafts. But I can wound with a Brandish, and neuer draw Bow
for the matter.
Mer.
I cannot but beleeue it my inuisible Archer, and yet
me thinkes you are tedious.
Cup[unclear: :]
It behoues me to be somewhat circumspect Mercury,
for if Cynthia here the twange of my Bow, sheele go neare to
whip me with the string; therefore, to preuent that, I thus dis-
charge a Brandish vpon— it makes no matter which of the
couples: Phantaste, and Amorphus at you.
Mer.
Will the shaking of a shaft, strike 'hem into such a Fe-
uer of Affection?
Cup.
As well as the winke of an Eye: but I pray thee hinder
me not with thy prattle.
Mer.
Ioue forbid I hinder thee. Marry all that I feare is Cyn-
thias presence, which with the could of her Chastety, casteth
such an Antiperistasis about the place, that no heate of thine
will tarry with the Patient.
Cup.
It wil tarry the rather, for the Antiperistasis wil keep it in.
Mer.
I long to see the experiment.
Cup.
Why their marrow boyles already, or they are all turnd
Eunuchs.
Mer.
Nay and't be so, Ile giue ouer speaking, & be a Specta-
tor onely.
They daunce the [unclear: I.] Straine.
Amor.
Cynthia(by my bright soule) is a right exquisite, and
spendidious Lady; yet Amorphus I thinke hath seene more fa-
shions, I am sure more Countries; but whether I haue or no:
what need we gaze on Cynthia, that haue our selfe to admire?
Phan.
O excellent Cynthia; yet if Phantaste sat where shee
do's, and had such a tyre on her head (for attire can do much) I
say no more; but Goddesses are Goddesses, and Phantaste is as she
is. I would the Reuels were done once, I might goe to my
Schoole of Glasse againe, and learne to do my selfe right after
all this Ruffling.
Mer.
How now Cupid? heer's a wonderfull change with
your Brandish? do you not heare, how they doate?
Cup.
What Prodigie is this? no Word of Loue? no Mention?
no Motion?
Mer.
Not a word my little Hell-fire, not a worde.
Cup.
Are my Darts enchanted? is their vigor gone? Is their
vertue—
Mer.
What?Cupid turn'd iealous of himselfe? ha, ha, ha.
Cup.
Laughes Mercury?
Mer.
Is Cupid angry?
Cup.
Hath he not cause, when his purpose is so deluded?
Mer.
A rare Comedy, it shall be intitled; Cupids.
Cup.
Doe not scorne vs Hermes.
Mer.
Chollar and Cupid are two fiery things; I scorne 'hem
not. But I see that come to passe which I presag'd in the be-
ginning.
Cup.
You cannot tell: perhaps the Phisicke will not worke
so soone vpon some, as vpon others. It may be the Rest are not
so resty.
Mer.
Ex vngue, you know the olde Adage; as these, so are the
remainder.
Cup.
Ile trye: this is the same Shafte with which I woun-
dedArgurion.
Mer.
I, but let me saue you a labour Cupid: there were cer-
taine Bottles of Water fetcht, and drunke off, (since that time,)
by these Gallants.
Cup.
Ioue strike me into earth: The Fountaine of Selfe-loue?
Mer.
Nay faint not Cupid.
Cup.
I remembred it not.
Mer.
Faith it was omenous to take the name of Anteros
vpō you, you know not what Charme or Inchantment lyes in
the worde: you saw I durst not venter vpon any Deuise in our
presentment: but was content to be no other then a simple
Page. Your Arrowes properties (to keepe decorum) Cupid, are
suted (it should seeme) to the nature of him you personate.
Cup.
Indignity not to be borne.
M[unclear: o]r.
Nay rather an attempt to haue bin forborne.
Cup.
How might I reuenge my selfe on this insulting Mer-
cury? ther's Criticus his Minnion: he has not tasted of this wa-
ter? it shall be so.
Is Criticus turn'd Dotard on himselfe too?
Mer.
That followes not, because the venome of your shafts
cannot pierce him.
Cup.
As though there were one Antidote for these, & another
for him?
Mer.
As though there were not? or as if one Effect might
not arise of diuerse causes? what say you to Cynthia, Arete,
Phronesis, TimE, and others there?
Cup.
They are diuine.
Mor.
And Criticus aspires to be so.
Cup.
But that shall not serue him.
Mer.
Tis like to do prettily well at this time. But Cupid is
growne too couetous, that will not spare one of a Multitude.
Cup.
One is more then a Multitude.
Mer.
Aretes fauour makes any one shot proofe against
thee Cupid.
I pray thee light Hony-Bee, remember thou art not now in
Adonis garden, but in Cynthias presence, where thornes ly[unclear: e i]n
garrison about the Roses. Soft Cynthia speakes.
Cynthia.
Ladyes and gallants,
To giue a timely period to our sports,
Let vs conclude them, with declining night;
Our Empire is but of the darker halfe:
And if you iudge it any recompence[unclear: ,]
For your faire paines, t'haue earnd Dianas thanks;
Diana grants them: and bestowes their crowne
To gratefie your acceptable Zeale.
For you are they, that not (as some haue done)
Do censure vs, as too seuere, and sower,
But as (more rightly) Gratious to the Good;
Although we not deny, vnto the Proud,
Or the Prophane, perhaps indeed austere:
For so Act[unclear: æ]on by presuming farre,
Did (to our griefe) incurre a fatall doome;
And so, swolne Niobe (comparing more
Then he presum'd) was troph[unclear: æ]d into stone.
But are we therefore iudged too extreame?
Seemes it no Crime to enter sacred Bowers,
And hallowed Places with impure aspect
Most lewdly to pollute? Seemes it no crime,
To braue a Deity? let Mortalls learne
To make Religion of offending Heauen;
And not at all to censure powers diuine:
To Men, this Argument should stand for firme,
”A Goddesse did it; therefore it was good:
”We are not cruell, nor delight in blood.
But what haue serious Repetitions
To do with Reuels, and the sports of Court?
We not intend to sowre your late delights
With harsh expostulation; Let suffice
That we take notice, and can take reuenge
Of these calumnious, and lewd Blasphemies;
For we are no lesse Cynthia, then we were,
Nor is our Power (but as our Selfe) the same:
Though we haue now put on no tyre of shine
But mortall eyes vndazled may endure.
”Yeares, are beneath the Sphears; and Time makes weake,
”Things vnder Heauen; not Powers which gouerne Heauen:
And though our Selfe be in our selfe, secure,
Yet let not mortalls challenge to themselues
Immunity from thence; Loe this is all:
”Honor hath store of spleene, but wanteth Gall.
Once more, we cast the slumber of our thankes
On your tane toyle, which here let take an end:
And that we not mistake your seuerall worths,
Nor you our Fauour; from your selues remooue,
What makes you not your selues; those clouds of Masque:
”Particular paines, particular thankes do aske.
—Are we contemn'd?
Is there so little awe of our Disdeigne,
That any (vnder trust of their disguise)
Should mixe themselues with others of the Court?
And (without forhead) bouldly presse so farre,
As farther none? How apt is Lenity
To be abusd? Seuerity to be loath'd?
And yet, how much more dooth the sceming Face
Of neighbor Vertues, and their borrowed Names,
Adde of lewd Bouldnesse to loose Vanities?
Who would ha[unclear: n]e thought that Philautia durst,
Or haue vsurped noble Storge's name?
Or with that theft haue ventred on our eyes?
Who would haue thought that all of them should hope,
So much of our conniuence, as to come
To grace themselues, with Titles not their owne?
Insteed of Medicines haue we Maladies?
And such Impostumes, as Phantaste is,
Grow in our Pallace? we must lance these sores,
Or all will putrifie: Nor are these all,
For we suspect a farder fraud then this;
Take off our vaile, that shadows may depart,
And shapes appeare, beloued Arete. So.
Another Face of things presents it selfe
Then did of late: what? Featherd Cupid masqu'd?
And masqu'd like to Anteros? but, more strange!
Deare Mercury our Brother, like a Page,
To countenance the ambush of the Boy?
Nor endeth our discouery as yet;
Gelaia like a Nymph, that but ere while
(In male attire,) did serue Anaides?
Cupid came hether to finde sport and Game,
Who, heeretofore hath beene too conuersant
Among our traine; but neuer felt Reuenge:
And Mercury bare Cupid company:
Cupid, we must confesse this Time of mirth
(Proclaimd by vs) gaue Opportunity,
To thy attempts, although no Priuiledge;
Tempt vs no farther, we cannot endure
Thy presence longer: Vanish, Hence, Away.
You Mercury, we must intreate to stay.
And heare what we determine of the rest;
For in this Plot, you haue the deepest hand:
But (for we meane not a Censorian tasque
And yet to lance these vlcers growne so ripe)
Deare Arete, and Criticus, to you
Wee giue the charge; Impose what paines you please:
Th' incurable cut of, the rest reforme;
Remembring euer what we first decreed,
Since Reuels were proclaimd, Let now none bleede.
Arete.
How well Diana can distinguish Times?
And sort her Censures? keeping to her selfe
The doome of Gods, leauing the rest to vs?
Come, cite them Criticus and then proceede.
Crit.
First Philautia (for she was the first)
Then light Gelaia, in Aglaias name,
Thirdly Phantaste, and Moria next,
Mayne follies all, and of the Female crue;
Amorphus, or Eucosmos counterfet,
Voluptuous Hedon ta'ne for Eupathes,
Brazen Anaides, and Asotus last,
With his too Pages Morus, and Prosaites;
And thou the Trauailers Euill, Cos, approach,
Impostors all, and male Deformities.
Arete.
Nay forward, for I delegate my power,
And will, that at thy mercy they do stand
Whom they so oft, so plainely scornd before:
”Tis vertue which they want, and wanting it,
”Honour no garment to their backes can fit.
Now Criticus, vse your Discretion.
Crit.
Adored Cynthia, and bright Arete;
Another might seeme fitter for this tasque
Then Criticus, but that you iudge not so:
For I (not to appeare vindicatiue,
Or mindfull of Contempts, which I contemn'd
As done of Impotence) must be remisse;
Who as I was the Author in some sort,
To worke their knowledge into Cynthias sight,
So should be much seuerer to reuenge
The indignity, hence issuing to her Name:
But ther's not one of these, who are vnpaind,
Or by themselues vnpunished; for Vice
Is like a fury to the vitious minde,
And turnes Delight it selfe to Punishment.
But we must forward to define their Doome;
You are Offenders, that must be confest.
Do you confesse it?
Omnes.
We doe.
Crit.
And that you merit sharpe Correction?
Omnes.
We doe.
Crit.
Then we (reseruing vnto Delias grace,
Her farther pleasure, and to Arete
What Delia graunteth) thus do sentence you.
That from this place (for Penance knowne of all,
Since you haue drunke so deeply of Selfe-loue)
You (two and two) singing a Palinode,
March to your seuerall homes by Niobes stone,
And offer vp two teares a piece thereon;
That it may change the name, as you must change,
And of a stone be called Weeping Crosse:
Because it standeth crosse of Cynthias way,
One of whose names is sacred TRIUIA.
And after penance thus perform'd, you passe
In like set order; not as Midas did
To wash his Golde off into Tagus streame;
But to the Well of Knowledge, Helicon,
Where, purged of your present Maladies,
(Which are nor few, nor slender) you become
Such as you faine would seeme; and then returne
Offring your seruice to great Cynthia.
This is your Sentence, if the Goddesse please
To ratefie it with her high Consent:
”The scope of wise Mirth vnto fruit is bent.
Cyn.
We do approoue thy Censure Criticus;
Which Mercury, thy true propitious friend,
(A Deity, next Ioue, belou'd of vs,)
Will vndertake to see exactly done.
And for this seruice of Discouery
Perform'd by thee, in honor of our name,
We vow to guerdon it with such due grace,
As shall become our Bountie, and thy Place.
”Princes that would their People should do well,
”Must at themselues begin, as at the heads;
”For men by their example patterne out
”Their Imitations, and reguard of Lawes:
”A vertuous Court, a world to vertue drawes.
Exeunt, Cynthia, Arete, &c.
Palinodia.
Amo.
From Spanish shrugs, French faces, Smirks, Irps,
and all affected Humors.
Chorus.
Good Mercury defend vs.
Phan.
From secret friends, sweet Seruants, Loues, Doues,
and such Phantastique Humors.
Chorus.
[unclear: G]ood Mercury defend vs.
Amor.
From stabbing of Armes, Flap-dragons, Healths,
Whiffes, and all such swaggering Humors.
Chorus.
Good Mercurie defend vs.
Phan.
From wauing of Fannes, coy Glaunces, Glicks,
Cringes, and all such simpring Humors.
Chorus.
Good Mercury defend vs.
Amo.
From making loue by Attourney, courting of Pup-
pets, and paying for new acquaintance.
Chorus.
Good Mercury defend vs.
Phan.
From perfum'd Dogs, Monkeys, Sparrowes, Dildos,
and Parachitos.
Chorus.
Good Mercury defend vs.
Amo.
From wearing Bracelets of Hayre, Shoo-tyes, Gloues,
Garters, and Rings with Poesies.
Chorus.
Good Mercury defend vs.
Phan.
From Pargetting, Painting, Slieking, Glazing,
and Renewing old riueld Faces.
Chorus.
Good Mercury defend vs.
Amo.
From Squiring to Tilt-yards, Play-Houses, Page-
ants, and all such Publique places.
Chorus.
Good Mercury defend vs.
Phan.
From entertaining one Gallant to gull another,
and making Fooles of eyther.
Chorus.
Good Mercury defend vs.
Amo.
From Belying Ladyes fauors, Noble-mens counte-
nance, coyning counterfet Imployments, vain-glorious taking
to them other mens Seruices, and all selfe-louing Humors.
Chorus.
Good Mercury defend vs.
NOw each one dry his weeping Eyes,
and to the Well of Knowledge hast;
Where purged of your Maladies,
we may of sweeter waters taste:
And with refined voice report,
The Grace of Cynthia, and her Court.
GEntles, be't knowne to you, since I went in
I am turn'd Rimer; and do thus beginne:
The Author (iealous, how your sence doth take
His trauayles) hath enioyned me to make
Some short, and Ceremonious Epilogue;
But if I yet know what, I am a Rogue:
He ties me to such Lawes, as quite distract
My thoughts; and would a Yeare of time exact.
I neither must be Faint, Remisse, nor Sory,
Sower, Serious, Confident, nor Peremptory:
But betwixt these. Lets see? to lay the blame
Vpon the Childrens Action, that were lame.
To craue your Fauours with a begging knee,
Were to distrust the Writers faculty;
To promise better at the next me bring,
Prorogues disgrace, commends not any thing.
Stifly to stand on this, and proudly approoue
The Play, might taxe the Maker of Selfe-loue.
Ile onely speake, what I heard him say;
By God 'tis good, and if you lik't, you may,
Ecce rubet quidam, pallet, stupet, oscitat, odit.
Hocvolo: nunc nobis carmina nostra placent.